Episode 1083: Your Dark Shadows Horoscope

“What’s frightening me is the feeling I have!”

We live in unsettled times, here in mid-August 1970. The publicity tour for House of Dark Shadows is about to crank into gear, in advance of the late-August premiere in the southeast and the early-September nationwide release. We’re going to lose some main actors next week, including Barnabas, as the Dark Shadows movie finds yet another way to do what it does best: destroy the Dark Shadows TV show. It’s no wonder everybody’s stressed out about the future; the current outlook is trending pretty bleak.

But you can’t look to the night sky for an answer to everything; that’s not what it’s for. The stars and planets aren’t there just for you. They’ve got their own orbits, their own desires and dramas. They have no time to worry about what patterns they make when viewed from Earth, which to them is just another random rock in the inky void. The stars that make Orion’s belt have nothing to do with each other; they’re hundreds of light years apart, and they’re not even friends on Facebook.

All those sparks in the heavens aren’t going to coordinate with each other just to let you know that you should avoid the color green, and move toward people with positive energy. Are you kidding me? They’re stars. They couldn’t care less.

But I know that’s disappointing to hear, so I’m going to let you in on the only real way to divine the future: your Dark Shadows horoscope. A couple weeks ago, I invited commenters to post their birthdates in the comments, so that I can reveal the truth: your personality and future are determined by the Dark Shadows episodes that aired on your birthday. Here, I’ll show you what I mean.

Laramie Dean — January 8th

Zodiac sign: Episode 663. (Barnabas transcends time to change his own past, and bites Nathan. He forces Nathan to sign a confession that he lied at Vicki’s witch trial.)

Your personality: You’re impulsive and reckless, and you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong. When things go badly, you’ll go to extremes to get your way, even if it involves going back and killing more people than you killed the first time.

Your future: Your new plan isn’t going to work either. You’re going to end up going back to this situation over and over, always thinking you’re on the verge of making it come out okay. Just move on. Keep his number, though; you never know.

Jayson O’Neill — January 29th

Zodiac sign: Episode 678. (Chris has been poisoned, and Beth leads Barnabas and Julia to the scene, to investigate and save Chris’ life.)

Your personality: You have a knack for smelling strychnine in an empty glass, which doesn’t come in handy very often. In fact, it’s possible that you’ve never even noticed that you have this talent. When you have the opportunity, try picking up somebody’s empty glass and smelling it. You might have all kinds of glass-smelling abilities that you never expected.

Your future: You will enter a room, and find an unconscious man lying on the floor. Try to help him, if you can.

Joe — February 2nd

Zodiac sign: Episode 420. (Nathan’s estranged wife Suki shows up at Collinwood, pretending to be his sister).

Your personality: You are devious, and ruthless. When you want something, you don’t let anything stand in your way. You don’t mind making other people uncomfortable.  You have extraordinary taste in hats.

Your future: Don’t get too comfortable, you’re not going to last that long.

Monica Rose Kiesel — February 7th

Zodiac sign: Episode 423. (Waiting for Nathan in the Old House, Suki is set upon by Barnabas and killed.)

Rising sign: Episode 685. (Waiting for Barnabas in the Collinwood drawing room, Ezra Braithewaite is set upon by Quentin’s ghost and killed.)

Your personality: You are very well liked; everyone wishes they could see you more often. You’re good with kids. You look a lot older than you are, and you have two pairs of glasses. You also have extraordinary taste in hats.

Your future: Something terrible is going to happen to you, because of some outlandish conflict that has nothing to do with you. On the bright side, in about five years you’ll become more famous than anyone you’re currently hanging out with, and you will live for approximately ever.

Robert Sharp — February 11th

Zodiac sign: Episode 948. (Jeb conjures up a flappy bat to turn Barnabas into a vampire.)

Your personality: You live in a cage, by which I mean that you feel like you’re being boxed in by the choices that you’ve made, and you’re having a hard time figuring out how you can grow beyond your current limitations, and break free from the attitudes and expectations that keep you from truly expressing yourself, and living the life that you were meant to live. Also, you live in a cage.

Your future: You will have your revenge.

MD — February 14th

Zodiac sign: Episode 428. (Furious over his betrayal, Millicent attacks Nathan with a letter opener.)

Your personality: You love not wisely, but too well. You’re a passionate person, and when you make a commitment, you throw everything into it. When that works out, you form intense connections that enrich your life, but when it doesn’t work out, you’re crushed, and angry.

Your future: Maybe lay off the coffee for a while, see if you feel better.

Mike — February 21st

Zodiac sign: Episode 433. (In the witchcraft trial, Vicki is challenged to find someone who will testify that she didn’t hate Abigail enough to kill her.)

Your personality: You’re not guilty. But the deck is stacked against you, and you’re subject to unfair and contradictory rules. You have a hard time convincing people that you’re telling the truth, especially because half the time what you’re saying doesn’t make sense. You try to solve problems, but mostly you make things worse.

Your future: You’ll get home eventually. Don’t fall in love with your defense attorney.

Bob — February 26th

Zodiac sign: Episode 698. (Sabrina has a flashback to the day she witnessed Chris turn into a werewolf.)

Your personality: You have a hard time reading the room. You make plans that you think are going to make people happy, but really everyone is wondering how they can get you to leave. You have a super creepy brother who needs to learn how to keep his hands to himself. You have extraordinary taste in hats.

Your future: You’re going to recover from the memory that’s been haunting you, make peace with the person who wronged you, and buy them a plant. Do something different with your hair.

Glen McCulla, Abigail — April 3rd

Zodiac sign: Episode 463. (Returning to her own time in 1968, Vicki freaks out at Peter’s grave, insisting that he’s being hanged right now, in 1796.)

Rising sign: April 3rd, 1971: the day after the last episode of Dark Shadows.

Your personality: 31 people provided their birthdays for this post, and the only double was for April 3rd, the dreaded day foreseen by Henry Anthony Wilcox and the eleven women in Fort Wayne. This is a dark omen of great power. You are the destroyer, the end of all things. You are Password. Also, you don’t understand how time works.

Your future: You will never truly die. You’re less popular than you once were, but there will always be people who remember you and love you. Sometimes they’ll make fun of you, but in an affectionate way. Your story will be told and retold, but you will never be equalled.

John Hall — April 14th

Zodiac sign: Episode 209. (Willie is fascinated by the portrait of a Collins ancestor in the Collinwood foyer.)

Your personality: You’re a day early. People aren’t quite sure what’s going on with you, because they can’t imagine that what you’re thinking of could even happen.

Your future: You’re on the verge of the craziest and most successful period of your life. That insane venture that you’re planning is really going to take off, and if you keep your head and don’t back down, you’ll discover amazing new things to do. Also, you’re about to get bitten by a vampire, so good luck with that.

Rob Morris — April 21st

Zodiac sign: Episode 214. (Barnabas tells Vicki about the construction of the Old House.)

Your personality: You represent a marriage of the elegance of Europe, and the vigor and enterprise of a new world. You were made from rocks left behind by glaciers, thousands of years ago. You were cut from ancient local forests. You were made from crushed clamshells and horsehair.

Your future: You will be imported from Holland.

Rob Haskins — June 24th

Zodiac sign: Episode 520. (Barnabas and Julia try to find out whether the ghost of Trask has successfully exorcised Cassandra’s spirit.)

Your personality: Recently, a foul serpent departed in haste from this unworthy creature, whatever that means. You missed the whole thing, and now you’re not sure what’s going on. You want to find out what’s happened, but you don’t know where to start.

Your future: You will discover a skeleton in your basement.

David Edelstein — June 30th

Zodiac sign: Episode 265. (Sam, Joe and Dr. Woodard visit Maggie at Windcliff, and meet Dr. Julia Hoffman.)

Your personality: You are a mythopoetic trickster figure like Reynard the Fox and Bugs Bunny, a high-camp, fast-talking mendacity machine with command over every possible facial expression. You are impulsive and reckless. You always know where your light is. You are the element of surprise.

Your future: You’ll be invited to stay at a stranger’s house, and you’ll stay there for the rest of your life, rent-free. In return, you’re going to have to spend a lot of your time solving other people’s problems.

Joe Lidster — July 13th

Zodiac sign: Episode 1056. (Claude North persuades Roxanne to speak, and Angelique dies.)

Your personality: People fall in love with you while you’re asleep. You have a murky and nonsensical backstory that involves hypnotism, and a dagger. Nobody really understands who you are, or what your deal is.

Your future: There is only one man who knows you as you really are… and I am that man!

Percysowner — July 26th

Zodiac sign: Episode 283. (Julia brings Maggie to the Collins mausoleum, where she has a panic attack.)

Your personality: You have an unusual way of helping people. You’re impulsive and reckless, and determined to know the truth. Your scientific detachment is admirable, but it cannot become so important to you that you forget you’re dealing with human beings.

Your future: You’re going to lose your memory of the last several months, and the person who harmed you is going to get away clean.

Marc Masse — August 1st

Zodiac sign: Episode 287. (Posing as a family historian, Julia goes to the Old House to mess with Barnabas. Later that night, Barnabas appears in Julia’s room, and strangles her.)

Your personality: You’re very intelligent, and you reach conclusions that other people wouldn’t dream of. You take risks, because you know that you’re right, and you can handle any situation that comes up.

Your future: You’re just about to meet your best friend, and soulmate. You’ll have adventures together, and no matter what happens, you’ll be the center of attention. However, in future adaptations, your role will be unaccountably diminished.

Will — August 7th

Zodiac sign: Episode 814. (To save Jamison’s life, Barnabas returns the severed hand to Count Petofi.)

Your personality: Okay, where do I even start with this. You’re a weird supervillain wizard who killed the last unicorn, you were sentenced by the gypsies to have your magical hand cut off, and you go around under an assumed name, trying to find your lost body part so that you can resume your life of sorcerous villainy. I mean, metaphorically, that’s what you are. Probably. I’m pretty sure it’s a metaphor.

Your future: You will regain your senses, and use your magical power to torment a set of supernatural time-traveling monsters, so that you can swap bodies with a handsome teen idol who’s going to live forever because you gave him an age-defying oil painting.

Mark — August 8th

Zodiac sign: Episode 554. (Tom finds Angelique’s coffin in Nicholas’ cellar. On his way home, he’s attacked in the woods.)

Your personality: You are handsome, curious, and unlucky.

Your future: You will be replaced by your twin brother, and then he’ll be replaced by an associate director.

Rachel — August 17th

Zodiac sign: Episode 1081. (In the playroom, Hallie discovers that David has been possessed by Tad.)

Your personality: It’s taking a long time for you to grow up. You confuse people, especially when you insist that they wear your clothes. You’re not interested in eclipses. You repeat yourself a lot. It’s taking a long time for you to grow up.

Your future: Collinwood will be destroyed.

Tim — August 23rd

Zodiac sign: Episode 303. (Burke and Dr. Woodard review Maggie’s case.)

Your personality: You just can’t figure this out. There’s got to be a logical explanation!

Your future: There isn’t a logical explanation, and you won’t figure it out. The illogical explanation will take over your television show, crowding you out entirely. Do not fly to Brazil.

Melissa — September 6th

Zodiac sign: Episode 575. (Determined to be the life force in the second experiment, Angelique defies Nicholas, and bites Jeff.)

Your personality: Ambitious, cunning, devious, unprincipled, decadent!

Your future: You will not achieve your immediate goal, whether that’s supplying your life force to a patchwork dead person or something else entirely. But don’t worry; you have an active and exciting life ahead of you. All the people who are currently getting in your way will be out of the picture in three months or so. You will rise again, often and wearing better outfits.

Samantha Harris — October 15th

Zodiac sign: Episode 602. (Nicholas erases Jeff’s memories of being bitten by Angelique.)

Your personality: You’re impulsive and reckless, and hungry.

Your future: Close your eyes. You are sleeping, yet you can hear my voice and you will obey my commands. You will forget what happened here tonight.

Christine — October 18th

Zodiac sign: Episode 343. (Julia’s plans to cure Barnabas are threatened when she sees Barnabas and Vicki on the terrace together.)

Your personality: You’re crafty, the kind of person who can whip up a delicious meal from whatever’s in the kitchen, or create a mad science lab in your basement using some glass bottles and a bike rack. But you’re impulsive and reckless, and you don’t like to share.

Your future: You’re going to become a very, very old man. This will happen suddenly, and you will not be happy about it.

Imfunny2 — November 8th

Zodiac sign: Episode 358. (Furious at her betrayal, Barnabas decides to drive Julia mad by conjuring up the spirit of Dr. Woodard.)

Your personality: You know the secret magic number of the universe, and you’re not afraid to use it. I’ve told a lot of people that they’re impulsive and reckless so far, but this is Dark Shadows, where pretty much everybody is impulsive and reckless. You’re one of them.

Your future: The person that you’re plotting against will someday become your best friend. Go easy on her.

Susan J. Elliott — November 19th

Zodiac sign: Episode 888. (Carolyn and Julia meet Megan and Philip Todd at the antique shop.)

Your personality: You appear to be a perfectly ordinary person, friendly and cheerful, but there is a darkness inside of you that nobody can see. You have a destiny that you can’t and never will understand.

Your future: There’s a pig weasel behind you. Look out!

Jay Barry — November 20th

Zodiac sign: Episode 628. (Angelique visits the underworld, to report to Diabolos that Nicholas is in love with a mortal woman.)

Your personality: You’re a tattletale, the kind of person who’s always asking to talk to people’s managers. You cause mayhem and distress. But you’re fun; it’s hard to stay mad at you.

Your future: You’ll disappear from sight for a little while, and then emerge from the fireplace four months later, reborn, and ready to do it all over again.

Skooks — November 26th

Zodiac sign: Episode 632. (Nicholas conducts a black mass over Maggie, while Chris turns into a werewolf and kills the hotel clerk.)

Your personality: You are utterly bonkers. You do things that nobody imagined they would ever see. You’re loud and violent and creative and weird, and you’re one of my favorites.

Your future: You will live as I live — as one of the damned!

Tessie Collins — December 3rd

Zodiac sign: Episode 637. (Just after their wedding, Vicki watches in horror as Jeff fades away, back to his own time.)

Your personality: You are cryptic, and unexplained. It seems like you make sense, but when you really think about it, you don’t make any sense at all.

Your future: Okay, let’s just say off the top that this isn’t what you thought you wanted. But now that it’s happened, can we look at the bright side for a minute? That guy was a jerk. All of your friends hated him. If he stuck around, he would have gotten even more aggressive and angry and weird. You’re better off without him. Plus: free wristwatch!

Slocum — December 14th

Zodiac sign: Episode 384. (Barnabas shoots Jeremiah in a duel.)

Your personality: You are really not good at making decisions. You need somebody to step in, and take the gun out of your hand before you hurt somebody.

Your future: You’re going to hurt somebody.

Adriana Pena — December 25th

Zodiac sign: Pre-empted for basketball.

Your personality: You are mad and strange and wonderful, sometimes hard to watch but never easy to ignore. You are ambitious and silly and, yes, impulsive and reckless, just like everyone who comes under your spell. You are the whole of Dark Shadows, the one day every year when the people who love you can step back from this whirling carousel, and see how beautiful you really are.

Your future: The bad news is, you don’t last forever. But who does?

Tomorrow: 100 Things That I Would Like David and Hallie to See When They Open the Playroom Door, in No Particular Order.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

When we first see the dollhouse, the chandelier is swinging back and forth.

When Sebastian opens the door and finds Roxanne, we can see the edge of the set, including the hallway that Roxanne’s standing in.

Tomorrow: 100 Things That I Would Like David and Hallie to See When They Open the Playroom Door, in No Particular Order.

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

28 thoughts on “Episode 1083: Your Dark Shadows Horoscope

  1. Thanks, Danny! All my moons and stars are back in whack now!

    You will not achieve your immediate goal, whether that’s supplying your life force to a patchwork dead person or something else entirely.

    Sure, yeah, something else entirely. That’s what I was gonna do, you bet! It’s right there on my Google calendar: SUPPLY LIFE FORCE PATCHWORK DEAD PERSON, SOMETHING OTHER THAN.

  2. I never put my information in the post, hoping that it might prevent the destruction of Collinwood. But since it won’t, I’m casting my own fate; I am sure you can guess my birthday from this astrologificationism.

    I have lived a long and troubled life. Before I came here, I was in the everlasting pits of Hell, where other creatures of my kind live. I must make one man fall in love with me, without any use of supernatural powers or spells.
    I wanna dance with you. I need sleep, badly, but can’t close my eyes or I will be changed for the worse, unless I can get to New York.

    I enjoy being honest with people, but almost never actually am.
    There’s a huge guy lying on my couch, nearly unconscious. For some reason (despite having heard the reason, like, fifty-three times, I am ignoring it).
    I read too many Gothic novels.
    I’m really dragging at this plot, and won’t be around much longer.

    As to the future?
    The great love of my life (this year, anyway) will rise as a vampire tonight.
    I’m going to be visited by a man named Randall.
    Practically nobody is interested in me anymore, and I might last for another few months (about a hundred episodes, anyway – the signs are unclear on this).

    1. November 11! Dang. I missed seeing this business about putting our dates up. I have been stupidly busy, though I have been following the blog as best I can.

      I would get 409: Josette and Natalie pore over the mysterious book; Barnabas dies and a bat flies out of the room. (I am a psycho who promises to return after death to pester someone. Talk about not knowing the meaning of “let it go”. I have the answers right there in front of me but don’t realise it).

      1. January 19th – a very merry unbirthday to you!

        It is EXTREMELY rude of real life to keep intruding on our appreciation of Dark Shadows like it does, and I for one wish it would quit doing it. Though, on the other hand, it might be unsettling to have too much DS appearing in our real lives. I mean, I don’t suppose I would mind an occasional incidental music sting, but I don’t think I would care for the low flying boom microphones.

        1. January 18th! (Did I do the wrong episodes? It’s a distinct possibility…)

          I know! I hate this real life crap! It’s doubly annoying because my 11 year old daughter is a fan, and she is also following the blog now and watching the relevant episodes AND she has been watching the show through from the beginning, so I joined her at some stage because I wanted to go back over the parts of the blog I had missed. In THAT timeline, we’re up to about 506? I think? (Carolyn locked in the root cellar). But we only watch in fits and starts (I suppose that’s apt), because the conditions are that I have to have time to watch, and to read the relevant blog entries and comments. So we only watch our 1968 episodes if that condition is met AND there is no new blog entry. And I refuse to watch any more than 3 episodes in a row. I don’t know, it’s just a thing. So at that rate it’s crawlingly slow. We often go a week or two without watching anything, so by that time it’s usually just catching up with the newer blog entries. Then I usually don’t have time left. And so it goes on. Occasionally we get a chance to watch a few 1968 episodes, which is such a treat, believe me, compared to this part of the show. I really am feeling like it is the true low point of the show for me. That’s how it seemed the first time, and it is only reinforced by seeing the dream curse etc, and finding that relatively entertaining, when the first time it seemed annoying and repetitive. Addison Powell was so much fun after seeing 1970PT – he really wasn’t on for long enough. We roared with laughter, and my daughter kept insisting I replay certain bits. I look forward to seeing the next bits of story unfold (unlike in the current story), and especially knowing we are inching our way to 1897. It will be really weird for my daughter to see THIS (1970) turn of the screw, THEN see the 1969 version after! I am looking forward to hearing her thoughts on that.

          I dunno, I think I could put up with a few boom mikes if I could get a bit of flappy bat in my life, or the odd crystal ball or hell, let’s just have a seance. It must be weeks since we had one now. That’s how you pretend your life is actually Dark Shadows. Also, crochet your own afghan and keep a coffin in the basement.

      2. Ah, same birthday! Wild!

        I am a French countess who wears fantastic outfits and obsesses with the Tarot, although I don’t seem to follow its advice much. I love my niece, but honestly, I could introduce her to better guys.

  3. The stars are eerily accurate:
    You are the destroyer, the end of all things. You are Password. Also, you don’t understand how time works.

  4. An episode with some man-on-man biting, particularly if one of those men happens to be anyone played by Joel Crothers? I can get behind that. 🙂

  5. I knew not that, as a Minus Eight year old, my coming to the show would be as the footsteps of doom. Perhaps my previous incarnation passed away in an apoplexy when he or she turned on the TV on April 3rd 1971 to find that DS was no longer on, then spent a few years taking a sabbatical to sulk in some other nether-dimension before being bothered enough to reincarnate, then take decades to find my heart’s joy again.

    That is so totally me.

  6. Barnabas doesn’t understand what Liz wants with a horoscope; that’s the special telescope he uses to find young persons of dubious virtue down on the docks when he’s feeling peckish of a moonless night.

    1. Honestly, one of the most unbelievable aspects of this insane show is the high class hotness of the dockside doxies. Seriously, they could be raking in real money in Vegas or New York but they hang around the back of the Blue Whale trying to score shot money.

  7. It’s true – I am hungry. I’m so pleased that my DS horoscope centers around Nicholas casting a spell. It doesn’t get better than that.
    Thanks Danny!

  8. Wow – Danny. You will never know how spot on your DS horoscope was for me! I was just emailing a friend about my search for a logical explanation for a situation I had in common with this friend and others, but in the past. I also just wish others could be influenced more by logic, rather than by their own prejudices and prior beliefs. When others are confronted by logic and facts, guess what wins — prejudices and prior beliefs!
    Regarding astrology, I enjoyed one of your prior blog posts about all the “technical” terms and planetary configurations in astrology – the symbols, quincunx, etc. etc. It seemed like you did a lot of research into all the various technical terms.
    I have another friend, who was into astrology, and even had a business where she could create charts for people, plugging in their date, time, place of birth and putting out a chart on her computer. Alas, it was all on the old floppy disks (this was the early 90’s) and she unexpectedly died at a fairly young age. Linda was only 32.
    One theory is that natal astrology (one’s total birth chart of astrological positions at your time of birth) relates to a theory of reincarnation. Some people who believe in reincarnation also believe that we choose our time and place of birth, choose our parents, choose our life lessons (and make agreements to meet certain individuals to learn certain lessons ) — all prior to our birth. Therefore, it’s not the “stars” who control us — it’s who we are as a person, our basic character coming into a given incarnation, that determines when we can choose to be born, under what circumstances, etc.
    Under this theory then, the birth chart (based on time, date and place of birth) can indicate the aspects of your basic character, as you left off from your last life. Given this information, if some of it rings true for yourself, then you can work on those aspects. For example, let’s say something in your natal chart indicates that you occasionally have an angry and explosive temperament, and this info rings true. You can use that to work on that part of yourself, hopefully work toward becoming a better person.
    By the time you end your incarnation, you hopefully will have improved and become a better person and will likely have a different natal/birth chart for your next lifetime.
    “The Astrologer’s Handbook” by Sakoian and Acker (1973) gives a good cookbook approach to looking at the totality of one’s natal chart, and as I recall (it’s been many years since I looked at that book), they also seem to subscribe to a reincarnation theory of astrology, as I explained above.
    While it may sound like I’m really into all this stuff, I’m really not. I think it’s interesting – and it makes sense to me.
    The other interesting thing most of us go through is the Saturn Return. This is when Saturn in our solar system is “conjunct” with our natal or birth Saturn. Because Saturn takes about 28-29 earth years to revolve around the sun, then a person’s Saturn Return occurs at about age 28 and comes again at age 56 and can be a time of a major lifetime change or challenge.
    Anyhow, my friend Linda wrote an article many years ago, which is sort of like “Astrology 101.” I’d be glad to scan it and send you a copy, Danny, if you are interested.

  9. Danny Horn:

    Zodiac sign: 661: Barnabas recalls the events leading to him being chained in a coffin in 1796. He calls on Peter Bradford to help him go back in time.

    Rising sign: 922: Chris becomes a werewolf and finishes off Charles Delaware Tate. Olivia reveals she is Amanda Corey and tries to make a deal with Mr. Best.

    You have a strange, push-me-pull-you relationship with characters played by Roger Davis. But you do the right thing in the end. You have the ability to travel through time and potentially defy death, merely in order to uncover a good storyline. Unlike Barnabas and Amanda, you will not fail, you will be like Chris and Mr. Best and make the correct analysis and deliver it uncompromisingly.

    1. Addendum – You’re so beautiful; many men will love you.

      A future warning for Danny: you could be buried under loads of peat moss and Styrofoam rocks, which nobody will help you up out of. Beware of ridiculously fake spiders in webs made of knotted rope, and skeletons with glass eyeballs. Don’t assume that others can cross the same bridges that you can.

  10. Actually there is a smidgen of scientific truth about astrology. Not because the stars determine anything, but by their position they identify the exact date. And there is a way where the exact day of the year influences all living beings: how many hours and minutes of daylight there are, how many were the day before, and how many the day after. that tells you what season is coming. For plants it means “hurry up, and make seeds and then go dormant” For animals it means “summer is coming, you can start burnng fat” or “winter is coming, store fat now”, with all the internal chemistry changes that that means.

  11. I may never get out of the 1795 storyline (I started reading about a year ago and am lost in the 400s) but sometimes I cheat and read a new post and this is one time I am so glad I did. Thank you Danny!!!

  12. Astrology was used extensively in medieval medicine. A proper physician would cast your horoscope to make a diagnosis, while a barber-surgeon would cut you open and sew you up and an apothecary would compound herbs to make you feel better. Nostradamus was a physician.

  13. This was so fun i actually took the time and energy to find the episodes that fell on my birthday, Nov 1.
    After the “opening of the coffin” there were only 2 on that date – ep 353 in 1967 “Victoria is frightened by Barnabas and doesn’t know why” (Julia “incepted” her) and ep 615 in 1968, on a Friday! a cliff hanger “Julia discovers bitemarks on Barnabas’ neck” (from Angelique, along with lots of drama involving a “weakened Joe”, the sherrif, Mrs. Johnson et al) Awesome!

    I’ll leave the astrological analysis to the imagination…

  14. Hilarious, Danny! I laughed out loud through the whole thing! Thanks, I needed that. Now to look up my birthday episodes…

  15. Although he’s more than a bit sleazy, Sebastian has managed to redeem himself in my eyes simply by wearing those tight, fake leather pants. Well played, Sebastian.

    1. Ah yes, I saw proof when he was sitting on a couch with his legs crossed. When he gets up you can see a flash of the pants’ inner lining. It’s white cloth backing the vinyl, which is typical, whereas real leather would just be the other side of the skin, a suede in the same color as the pants.

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