“I have a small nagging wonder at your even being here.”
When we last left Quentin, he was strapped to a table under a slowly descending swinging axe, not at all in danger of being brutally killed. Quentin was trapped in this entirely non-lethal predicament by Aristede, who rigged up some “Pit and the Pendulum” machinery, and then left him here to not die.
The clock was not winding down and time was not running out, and the pendulum was not inching ever closer to our hero. It was inching, yes. I will concede the inching. But towards what?
Continue reading Episode 796: Death and Taxes
“I want you to come over immediately, and bring your medallion.”
Well, it’s another day in the Land of Shouty Men, where nothing changes, including the volume level.
Yesterday, Dr. Lang was planning to kill his lab assistant Jeff, so he could use Jeff’s head for the monster he’s been stitching together. But then Barnabas — who Dr. Lang is planning to suck the life force out of, to bring the Jeff-headed monster to life — says that he doesn’t even want Jeff’s head, and they have to let him go.
But Lang says that they can’t let Jeff go or he’ll tell everyone about the monster, so now Lang is going to kill Jeff anyway. And if Barnabas gets in the way of Lang killing Jeff, then Lang will kill Barnabas, and then Jeff, and then hopefully you and me, because honestly I don’t think I can explain this all again on Monday. It’s just not going to happen.
Continue reading Episode 480: One More Life
“I think I expected a haircut to make me feel all new. It doesn’t.”
Victoria Winters is back from her trip to the 18th century — and like all young people coming back from break, she has a bullet wound in her shoulder, a barely coherent memory of what happened, and a new boyfriend who she doesn’t know how to contact.
Now, Julia Hoffman — who has just revealed that she’s a doctor — is providing some unorthodox therapy, spinning a medallion in Vicki’s face and interrogating her under hypnosis. Let the healing begin.
Continue reading Episode 462: No Place Like Home
“He isn’t dead all of the time. Just some of the time!”
We open the new week with a reprise of David’s dream from Friday’s episode. I’m not usually a big fan of repeating a dream sequence, but in this case it’s entirely justified.
For one thing, this dream delivers some long-overdue plot development — David finally realizes that his friend Sarah is a ghost, and his cousin Barnabas is a vampire. Plus, Friday’s episode was a black-and-white kinescope copy, and today we get to see the dream in full color. Well, in two colors anyway, namely: yellow and purple.
Continue reading Episode 326: A Time Like This
“I don’t know what it is. I just know it’s going to happen.”
Today’s episode opens with Carolyn standing on the landing with a glum expression, probably because it’s been almost two weeks since she’s been on the show, and so far nobody’s noticed.
She walks downstairs at a moderate pace, and sets course for the drawing room. She reaches the fireplace, and then she whirls around, looking behind her. Nobody’s there, so she walks back across the drawing room.
It’s almost a shame that Liz comes in at that point and starts talking; this could have turned into a whole half hour of Carolyn pacing silently around the house.
Continue reading Episode 298: Dread Alert
“He’s some kind of a creature from the world of the dead!”
We pick up today at a pivotal plot point, as Maggie Evans — vampire abduction survivor and mental health facility refugee — stumbles into the Blue Whale, looks at Barnabas, and collapses onto the floor.
This comes as something of a shock to the Collinsport nightlife community, and especially to Barnabas, because he knows that at any moment she could expose him, and then…
Hold on, wait. Has that woman been wearing that orange dress this whole time?
Continue reading Episode 295: Nothing But Lies