Category Archives: Sam Hall

Episode 377: Speed Dating

December 1967, Sam Hall, , , ,

“I don’t know who she was. But your love was wrong, terribly wrong.”

You know, people talk about breaking new ground in the arts, but then you go and make an episode of afternoon television that ends with a woman holding the bloody stump of another woman’s demon-possessed arm, and all of a sudden everyone gets all weird about it.

They say, Where’s the romance? because apparently people think that soap operas should be about characters falling in love with each other. Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. If you’ve got voodoo dolls, time travel, tarot cards and marionette bats, then who has time for all that sappy girl stuff?

But fine, whatever. Today — just for you — Dark Shadows is all about the love.

Continue reading Episode 377: Speed Dating →

Episode 375: Dangerous Liaisons

December 1967, Sam Hall, , , , , ,

“In the tropics, decisions melt like ice.”

When you get down to it, magic is just metaphor. It’s taking a symbol — like a toy soldier — and saying, this toy soldier represents Barnabas. Then you wrap a handkerchief around the soldier’s neck, pull it tight, and see what happens.

Anybody can do that, really, minus the magic part. Your boyfriend is far away, but every night you kiss a picture of him before you go to bed. You get an email from an annoying co-worker, and you roll your eyes and snarl at it, the way you’d like to treat the person if you could get away with it. When someone that you love dies, you light a candle, and leave flowers on the grave — and even if you don’t believe in ghosts or heaven, it comforts you.

But the people who know magic can take that a step further. Angelique isn’t just smacking a toy soldier around. She tricks the universe into believing that the soldier is Barnabas, and when she throttles the toy, Barnabas chokes.

That’s what magic is — you connect the symbol to the real thing that the symbol represents. Then you wish so hard that you punch a hole through reality, grab something on the other side, and pull.

Continue reading Episode 375: Dangerous Liaisons →

Episode 374: The Wedding Presence

November 1967, Sam Hall, , ,

“Anyone who would do a thing like that is capable of anything.”

Today’s episode opens with — guess who? — Angelique, the villainous lady’s maid, who has basically just walked up and pulled the show out from under everyone else. This storyline was supposed to be about Victoria Winters, girl governess, and her uncertain and frightening journey into the past. But Vicki is off screen today, quietly governessing somewhere, and Angelique takes center stage again.

And, naturally, Angelique is — guess what? — talking about herself, and how great her plans are. She’s recently acquired an unwilling sidekick, the heavily indentured Ben Stokes, and his primary duty appears to be standing by as Angelique delivers a spontaneous TED talk on the subject of how awesome she is.

Continue reading Episode 374: The Wedding Presence →

Episode 373: The Devil Wears Prada

November 1967, Sam Hall, ,

“If I ever leave this place, it will be in my own carriage.”

The first day at a new job is always a trying experience, even if it’s 1795 and you don’t have to switch to a new email address. Ben Stokes just met Angelique earlier in the day, and now she’s cast a spell on him, and made him her slave. So now he probably has to fill out a W-4 form, and give her a cancelled check to set up the direct deposit.

But Angelique has no time for onboarding; she’s got some ambitious first-quarter deliverables. We’d better get started.

Continue reading Episode 373: The Devil Wears Prada →

Episode 368/369: A Wicked Woman

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , , , ,

“I am your servant. You are my master. That’s the way it is. That’s the way it is to be.”

Okay, let’s talk some more about The Crucible, the 1953 Arthur Miller play about the Salem witch trials. Everybody knows that The Crucible is the inspiration for the Collinsport witch hunt that’s coming up next month, but the influence goes even deeper than that, all the way down into the soul of Dark Shadows.

The play is a dramatization of the hysteria in 1692 Salem, Massachusetts. A group of young girls is found dancing in the woods, in defiance of the strict Puritan laws against dancing, music and anything that might be enjoyable. Horrified at being discovered, and desperate to find a scapegoat, the girls pretend that they’ve been seduced and tormented by witches living in the village. Directed by the eldest girl, Abigail Williams, they become a terrifying mob who accuse dozens of their neighbors. Guided only by the “spectral evidence” of the girls’ testimony, the court convicts and executes 20 innocent people.

Abigail is a terrifying figure in the play — self-centered and vengeful, taking a special delight in wielding the power that she’s suddenly acquired. Abigail was a servant of farmer John Proctor, and her tangled relationship with him is the emotional heart of the drama.

Over the last few weeks, the crucial new idea on the show is to introduce these narrative collisions, weaving characters from other fictional worlds into the story of Dark Shadows. There’s a beautiful woman from another story walking into the house today, and things are going to get ugly.

Continue reading Episode 368/369: A Wicked Woman →

Episode 365: Closing Time

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , ,

“Do you want to stop it, Barnabas? Must you stop it?”

Hey, remember the Collins family? I could’ve sworn that there used to be a television show called Dark Shadows, about this rich family that lived in a big house on a hill.

For months now, the Collins family has been squeezed off the screen by a vampire, a ghost, two doctors, a lawyer, a marionette bat, and so on. Being a living human being with the last name Collins used to mean something in this town.

Well, they’re sick of it. One way or another, they’re going to get the Collins family back to center stage where they belong.

Continue reading Episode 365: Closing Time →

Episode 359: Love and Death

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , ,

“I don’t think it’s very healthy, living in this house.”

Mrs. Johnson must be an angel in human form, that’s the only way you can explain it. I don’t care how many wings they’ve shut down — Collinwood is a mansion, and as far as we know, she’s the only person taking care of the whole place. She cleans all the rooms, cooks all the meals, and monitors the radio for plot-relevant air disasters. Plus, four months ago, Mrs. Stoddard held a wedding in the drawing room, confessed to killing her first husband, and asked the local sheriff to dig up his body in the basement, and Mrs. Johnson wasn’t even invited.

And now she has to deal with this nonsense. She walks into Julia’s room, and finds her standing on a chair, trying to take the drapes down.

Continue reading Episode 359: Love and Death →

Episode 358: Boy Meets Ghoul

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , , , , , ,

“Okay, you’re pretty, but we’re not on a bus.”

So then Carolyn rushes over to the Old House, to tell Barnabas what happened in yesterday’s episode. It’s not easy.

Carolyn:  Barnabas, I saw it! Hoffman’s notebook!

Barnabas:  Where?

Carolyn:  In her hands. She’d taken it from the clock.

Barnabas:  The clock? What clock?

Carolyn:  The large clock, in the foyer at Collinwood.

Barnabas:  Well, you seized the notebook, of course?

Carolyn:  I couldn’t!

Barnabas:  Why not?

Carolyn:  This lawyer came in.

Barnabas:  What lawyer?

I know, right? I feel bad for the guy; he’s only missed one episode, and now he has no idea what she’s talking about.

Continue reading Episode 358: Boy Meets Ghoul →

Episode 357: When Worlds Collide

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , , , ,

“Why do you think you’re the only one who hears dogs?”

Let’s start, once again, with the notebook. I’m going to assume you’ve been following the story, and you already know everything you need to know about the vampire, the doctor, the experiments, the murder, the notebook, the niece and the crystal chandelier. If you’re new to the group, feel free to read up on the old episodes, because frankly I’ve had it with trying to explain this weird little knot of a storyline.

Fortunately, the show is less than two weeks away from coming to the exact same conclusion.

Continue reading Episode 357: When Worlds Collide →