Category Archives: Ron Sproat

Episode 234: Adventures in Babysitting

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , , ,

“I don’t like people asking questions. And I like even less the people who inspire those questions.”

You know, it’s amazing the kind of thing that you can get used to when you’re watching a TV show every day. The show is clearly stalling while the writers figure out how to spin the Barnabas story out, and I’ve been grumbling all week about the recap and repetition.

But consider this: It’s May 1967. Thirty seconds ago, Nurse Sharon was emptying bedpans on General Hospital. And now we’re watching a walking corpse from the 18th century savagely beating a destitute con man with a cane.

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Episode 232: Just Add Water

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , ,

“They just kept asking me questions, nothing but questions!”

So here’s the thing about soap operas: just because it’s on every day doesn’t mean you’re actually supposed to watch it every day. I mean, you’re allowed to have a life of your own. It’s 1967, you’re probably tie-dyeing something.

You can tell how often you’re supposed to watch a soap by seeing how far back they’ll recap the story for you. If the characters are still standing around talking about something that happened two weeks ago, then you can probably just show up on Fridays and you won’t miss much. In the early 2000s, NBC had a soap opera called Passions, which was so glacially slow that the optimal viewing schedule was one episode every three weeks. Or, preferably, not at all.

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Episode 230: The Transylvania Twist

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , ,

“I’m in a graveyard. How did I get in a graveyard?”

It’s been four weeks since we opened the mystery box and let the vampire out, not that anyone’s actually saying the word “vampire” yet. The show is actually strangely coy about it — nobody says the V-word out loud for nine months. They finally break it out in episode 410, and by then it’s not the craziest thing on the show anymore.

But who needs labels when you have howling dogs? Over the last month, we’ve seen hypnosis, nightmares, fangs and unexplained blood loss — and this is the episode where it all comes together. This is the first big Friday cliffhanger, and exciting things are finally happening.

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Episode 228: Those Things in That Room

May 1967, Ron Sproat, ,

“Well, you can all be as exasperated as you like. It won’t do you any good.”

Full disclosure for the hardcore vampire enthusiasts: This is another Jason/Liz blackmail episode. Roger has some funny lines, and Carolyn is always worth watching, but if you’re only interested in vampires, then you can skip this one.

Actually, does it help if I tell you that Liz murdered her husband and buried him in the basement? That’s what the whole blackmail thing is about. Okay, maybe not. Come back tomorrow, vampire fans. Maggie gets abducted and everything.

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Episode 225/226: Fangs for Nothing

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , ,

“And then, all of a sudden, for no reason, I started to get afraid.”

Today, we begin with a recap of Maggie’s dream sequence from the last episode, which is how you know what a great dream it was. I don’t know if other shows would bother to do a recap of a dream sequence, but on Dark Shadows they sure do.

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Episode 223: The Me/You Fun Gap

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , , ,

“Barnabas Collins knows how to handle a man like Willie.”

It’s a new day at Collinwood, and darn it if Vicki and Liz aren’t playing another round of Where’s Willie. They’ve got to get more organized about this, maybe put out a newsletter or something.

The fun new twist is that now it sounds like they’re saying that Barnabas and Willie are dating. Liz says, “Barnabas Collins knows how to handle a man like Willie.” And Vicki replies, “No, that’s just it! Willie is staying there — living there! He’s moved into the Old House with him!”

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Episode 221: Mystery Date

May 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , ,

“But then uniqueness is not always a good thing. It sets you apart from other men.”

Okay, I know, these first couple weeks with Barnabas are kind of a hard road. Most of the action’s been off-screen, and cow-related. Barnabas has been acting more like a kindly uncle than a demonic horror from the past.

Come on, the audience cries, enough with the slow build already. Bring on the scares!

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Episode 219: Addled Quacks

April 1967, Ron Sproat, , , ,

“You look ghastly, Loomis. I mean this only as a compliment to your histrionic talents.”

It’s morning at Collinwood, and hey! Willie’s back. Now Jason’s angry, Willie collapses, and there’s a very good chance that we might end up doing the last three episodes all over again.

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Episode 217: Not Enough Vampire in Your Vampire Show

April 1967, Ron Sproat, , ,

“It’s almost as if this arm had been drained of blood.”

Yes, Jason is examining Willie’s bandaged wrist, and that’s his brilliant diagnosis, because Jason is clearly a well-known arm-blood specialist. How does a person go about losing blood just in his arm?

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Episode 216: I Don’t Dig You Out

April 1967, Ron Sproat, , ,

“I didn’t mean to almost try to kill you.”

So, the story so far: Barnabas got up out of his coffin, bit Willie on the wrist, apparently, and then went out and drank a whole cow. Now Willie’s at the Blue Whale drowning his sorrows, and who can blame him? He’s competing with livestock, it’s a tough gig.

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