Tag Archives: make a friend

Episode 701: The Most Important Thing About Quentin

August 11, 2015March 1969, Sam Hallcandles, crystal ball, doors, gypsies, i ching, it's important, long-overdue national conversation, make a friend, palm reading, prequel, shambles, the secret, time travel, trickster, trolling, turning point, young dannyDanny Horn

“Life was more exciting, when I was around.”

So, the lesson, I suppose, is that you shouldn’t lock up your relatives, build paneling over the door, and pretend that they went to France.

I mean, I understand the impulse. Quentin is selfish and mean, and practices dark sorcery. You’ve tried to kick him out of the house, but he just laughs, and keeps on drinking other people’s brandy. And then there’s a sale at Home Depot, and you think, This could be so easy…

The downside, of course, is that then your descendants come along and unseal the tomb, because they’re young and curious, and you forgot to write “Dangerous ancestor, do not open” on the entrance portal. Although they probably wouldn’t have paid attention anyway; descendants are dumb like that.

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Episode 675: The Unscooby Gang

June 28, 2015January 1969, Sam Hallmake a friend, newspaper, police futility, shambles, shirtless, sitcom, unscooby, werewolfDanny Horn

“There’s something here that doesn’t make any sense.”

The curse is come upon us once again. The dark woods have claimed another.

Last night, a young woman, alone on the grounds of the estate, was disassembled by an unknown assailant, her life extinguished by a malevolent, savage beast that knows only hunger.

So, obviously, we can’t let this go on. I mean, at some point, you run out of day players.

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Episode 662: This Is the Night

June 11, 2015Gordon Russell, January 1969blinovitch limitation effect, fangs, make a friend, recast, time travel, wizard of ozDanny Horn

“I am not dead, as you can plainly see.”

Aunt Em had just come out of the house to water the cabbages when she looked up and saw Dorothy running toward her.

“My darling child!” she cried, folding the little girl in her arms and covering her face with kisses. “Where in the world did you come from?”

“From the Land of Oz,” said Dorothy gravely. “And here is Toto, too. And oh, Aunt Em! I’m so glad to be at home again!”

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Time Travel, part 5: Consider Rhoda

May 30, 2015Dan Curtis, January 1991, Matthew Hall, Steve Feke1991, christmas, make a friend, natural selection, sitcomDanny Horn

“He only wants to marry her when he’s normal.”

It’s Christmas Day 1968, and Dark Shadows is taking a break so that ABC can show a basketball game. On pre-emption days, as everyone knows, we spend the day talking about The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

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Episode 640: Bad Wolf

May 3, 2015December 1968, Sam Hallalex, make a friend, moon, murder, pentagram, spectacle, universal monsters, werewolfDanny Horn

“There’s a way that you can call people from the dead. I’ve seen them do it downstairs a lot.”

Christopher Jennings, handsome and mysterious bad boy with a heart of gold and a secret sorrow, comes over to Collinwood to collect his little sister, who he’s struggling to care for. Their parents are gone, and the more reliable twin brother has recently died, and now it’s just Chris and Amy, trying to make their way in the world.

Also, Chris just murdered a guy last week for walking into his hotel room at the wrong moment. I guess everybody has a different way of coping with stress.

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Another New Beginning (Bloodlust)

January 11, 20152015, Alan Flanagan, Joe Lidster, Will Howellsbig finish, make a friend, too broad and too deepDanny Horn

“We all know the supernatural is real and dangerous, and it’s time to do something about it.”

EVIL! That’s what’s here. You must leave this place! There is no peace for you here. The dead must rest!

Sorry, I’m having a little flare-up of my sudden-onset Caretaker’s Syndrome. While I’ve been going about my business in August 1968, an irresponsible troupe of time-travelers has been fooling around with the seals and sigils, recklessly summoning a fresh nightmare into our world.

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Episode 543: The Trouble with Harry

December 11, 2014July 1968, Ron Sproatblackmail, knife, make a friendDanny Horn

“I know enough to send you back to prison, if I want to.”

Did you know that in July 1968, there were close to 8 million people living in New York City? It’s true; I just looked it up in my well-thumbed copy of What Month It Was When There Were Close to 8 Million People Living in New York City.

So how many of those people do you think were actors? I mean, the only real professions of any consequence in New York are actors, waiters and cab drivers; everybody else is scenery.

Doing a little demographic analysis on the back of this napkin, I would estimate that there were 7,000 young male actors who could have played the role of Harry Johnson on Dark Shadows. And yet they managed to pick the very worst one. How can you account for something like that?

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Episode 475: Witch Doctor

September 6, 2014April 1968, Sam Hallcamp, eccentric, hellmouth, kaiju, make a friend, talisman, tricksterDanny Horn

“The witch will look at your body, and think that you have escaped by death — when, in reality, you will have escaped — by living!”

It’s another stormy night on the Hellmouth, where vampires and witches battle over the fate of mad scientists and their secret experiments.

Tonight, Barnabas has invited a guest over — it’s Professor Stokes, who first appeared two weeks ago, looking to buy the haunted portrait of Angelique. He’s an academic — apparently an expert in a diverse and uncertain discipline — and I’m not entirely sure that he realizes he’s on television. He’s loud, and disruptive, and he plays to the balcony. Not this balcony, naturally; I mean the balcony in the theater next door.

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Episode 472: Lethal Weapon

September 2, 2014April 1968, Gordon Russellfeels, harpoon, junior detectives, make a friend, relationship status, satan's favorite tv show, secrets, telephone, turning pointDanny Horn

“I was just noticing your harpoon collection.”

“I’m sorry, Sheriff,” Julia says, in a spot of unhurried telephone acting, “but Mrs. Stoddard is resting. I’ll be glad to give her a message.” Then her face darkens. “I see. Yes, I’ll tell her — and, please, call the minute you hear something else.”

Then Barnabas just walks into the room. Nobody let him in, which means that Julia must have given him a key, and therefore they’re dating and they’re totally in love with each other.

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Episode 467: Physician, **** Thyself

August 26, 2014April 1968, Sam Hallbad medicine, crazyface, make a friend, worst actor, yellingDanny Horn

“Perhaps — in the mastery of science, in the mastery of modern medicine — you will find your best hiding place!”

Previously, on Dark Shadows — Barnabas Collins, knocked unconscious in a car accident, was brought to the Collinsport Hospital, and is now under the care of Dr. Eric Lang. Observing the patient’s lack of pulse and impossibly low blood count, noting the presence of two puncture wounds in Vicki’s neck, and blessed with the unique ability to add two and two, Dr. Lang identified Barnabas as a vampire, halfway through yesterday’s episode.

Dr. Lang confronted Julia with his conclusions, and insisted that they work together to treat Barnabas’ condition — and by the end of the episode, Lang surprised Barnabas by whipping open the heavy curtains and exposing his panic-stricken patient to the late-afternoon sunlight.

And now Barnabas is fine.

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Dark Shadows Every Day

The 1960s vampire soap opera, one episode a day.