Yearly Archives: 2014

Episode 357: When Worlds Collide

November 1967, Sam Hall, , , , , ,

“Why do you think you’re the only one who hears dogs?”

Let’s start, once again, with the notebook. I’m going to assume you’ve been following the story, and you already know everything you need to know about the vampire, the doctor, the experiments, the murder, the notebook, the niece and the crystal chandelier. If you’re new to the group, feel free to read up on the old episodes, because frankly I’ve had it with trying to explain this weird little knot of a storyline.

Fortunately, the show is less than two weeks away from coming to the exact same conclusion.

Continue reading Episode 357: When Worlds Collide →

Episode 356: Beat the Clock

Gordon Russell, November 1967, , , ,

“You feel that you have no more use for me, and you’re planning to dispose of me. Is that correct?”

Dr. Julia Hoffman is standing in the foyer of Collinwood, clutching a red notebook and emoting. And when Dr. Hoffman expresses emotion, it stays expressed. She has an internal monologue that can be heard up to three miles away, if the wind is right.

This notebook contains the notes on her experiments in curing Barnabas’ vampirism. Barnabas has decided that Julia has betrayed him, and he’s planning to kill her once he’s sure that the notes have been destroyed.

Now, thinking about this situation rationally, there are several options here. For example: Tear some relevant pages out of the notebook, put them in an envelope, and mail them to a friend. Or copy the notes into another notebook, and use this notebook as a decoy. At a pinch, she could even write BARNABAS IS A VAMPIRE on her driver’s license, or in black magic marker down her arm, Memento style.

Julia does not consider any of those options. As far as she’s concerned, the smallest indivisible unit of measure is the notebook.

Continue reading Episode 356: Beat the Clock →

Episode 355: Julia Hoffman Must Die

Gordon Russell, November 1967, , , ,

“I’m sorry, Maggie, it happens to be my favorite scarf, but if my touching it bothers you, I’ll stop.”

You know that it’s been a fairly static week on Dark Shadows when the first line of dialogue in Friday’s episode is, “How long are you going to stand there?”

Lately, I’ve been postulating a lot of hypothetical writer’s room drama, because things are starting to seem a little fraught in there. Gordon Russell handed Ron Sproat a pretty interesting situation this week — Carolyn, now under the vampire’s control, discovers that Julia is hypnotically conditioning Vicki to reject Barnabas’ advances — and now Sproat is handing it back, two days later, entirely unchanged. He basically just had everybody walk in place for a couple days.

So today’s episode opens with Carolyn asking Barnabas what the hell he’s waiting for. After all, he’s been talking about getting rid of Julia all week. What’s the holdup?

Continue reading Episode 355: Julia Hoffman Must Die →

Episode 354: Haunted House of Cards

November 1967, Ron Sproat, , ,

“In order to be his bride, you must die.”

Julia looks up from her book. “Carolyn?”

“Yes?” Carolyn says, sorting the mail.

“Is it really necessary to follow me around?”

Carolyn shrugs. “Is that what I was doing?”

Julia gets up from her chair with a sigh. “Well,” she says, “You came into the dining room while I was having my breakfast. I went for a walk, and saw you in the distance. Then I went into the study for a moment, and you wandered in. And now, here you are.”

In other words: We’re not going to get a lot accomplished on the show today. So we might as well relax, and have some fun.

Continue reading Episode 354: Haunted House of Cards →

Episode 353: The “I Have a Dream” Speech

November 1967, Ron Sproat,

“You and Vicki take a walk together, and Vicki dreams about taking a walk.”

“You know, I had the strangest dream about you last night,” says Victoria Winters, and because this is Dark Shadows, we have to hear all about it.

She’s in the foyer of Collinwood talking to Carolyn and Julia, and apparently none of them have a job, or anything that might occupy their time. Vicki tells Julia, “I dreamt we were going someplace together. We walked for a long, long time, until we came to a very old house. You wanted me to come inside with you, but I didn’t want to. I was frightened.”

“How curious,” Julia says, because you have to say something.

Vicki says, “If dreams are supposed to mean something, I wonder what that one meant?”

The others don’t respond, because the obvious answer is: It means you’re boring in your sleep, too.

Continue reading Episode 353: The “I Have a Dream” Speech →

Episode 352: Disturbed Children

Gordon Russell, October 1967, , , ,

“This room could play an important and perhaps tragic part in your life, if you let it.”

Happy Halloween, everyone! Today’s episode aired on October 31, 1967 — not that you can tell from watching the episode, because they don’t mention it. But Carolyn seems to be getting into the holiday spirit — she wakes up early, walks downstairs to the foyer, stands in front of Barnabas’ portrait, and brushes her fingers across her brand-new gaping neck wound.

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Episode 351: The Grateful Dead

Gordon Russell, October 1967, ,

“There are many secrets you haven’t known before, but you will soon know all of them, because you will become a part of them.”

So, I guess this would be the morning after. Young David has been going around for the last several weeks telling everyone that Cousin Barnabas is dead, and sleeps in a coffin. On Friday, Carolyn thought it would be a good idea to sneak into the Old House basement and see what all the fuss was about.

The short answer: She found out. Julia’s mad-science-fair project to cure the vampire has aged him, transforming Cousin Barnabas into Great-Great-Grand-Uncle Barnabas. He needed to drink somebody’s blood, so that he could “revert” back to his youthful form.

Friday’s episode ended with the hands-down, no-contest, intentionally creepiest moment of the series so far. Barnabas grabbed his young cousin, tenderly brushed her hair away from her throat, and said, “Don’t be afraid of me, my dear. I’m not going to hurt you. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt… my own flesh and blood.”

So it turns out that there’s something way scarier than a blood-sucking ghoul who feeds on the life force of the innocent and pretty, and it’s a blood-sucking ghoul who fantasy-metaphor-rapes his own niece.

And the very worst thing about this whole astounding very-worst-thing plot point? She loved it.

Continue reading Episode 351: The Grateful Dead →

Episode 350: Grumpy Old Man

October 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , , , , ,

“That’s the first time you’ve ever called me by that name.”

Not very much previously, on Dark Shadows: Two days ago, David gave Carolyn the antique toy soldier, which he said would protect her. Then she was visited by the spirit of Sarah Collins, and she realized that the wild stories David’s been telling might actually be true. There, that’s your background on Carolyn’s character arc for the week — steadily building an awareness that David’s “fantasies” might be real.

So it’s a bit disappointing when David walks into the drawing room at the top of today’s episode, and hands Carolyn the toy soldier again.

David:  I came to bring you this.

Carolyn:  A toy soldier?

David:  Yes. You should have it with you all the time.

Carolyn:  Why?

Yeah, good question. I have several “why” questions of my own, starting with: Why doesn’t David climb up on a chair and smack her upside the head?

Continue reading Episode 350: Grumpy Old Man →

Episode 349: Secret Aging Man

October 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , ,

“Strange… It never occurred to me that being human would make me become the man I was.”

Man, talk about a senior moment. For the last three months, Julia’s been working on a revolutionary new medical treatment to cure Barnabas, and make him human again. It turns out he should have asked her to be more specific.

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Episode 348: Mission Accomplished

Joe Caldwell, October 1967, , , , ,

“I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t dead.”

Dawn has not yet come to Collinwood. You can tell, because they’ve got the establishing shot up, and it’s dark blue. They’re playing the sub-theme music cue, and somewhere in the studio, fading film star Joan Bennett is standing in front of a microphone.

“Dawn has not yet come to Collinwood,” Joan says, in a world-weary tone which indicates that she’s one sentence into a three-sentence introduction, and it’s not going to get a lot better from here. “The earth hovers between night and day, as though terrified to bring into being the days and nights that lie ahead.”

And it’s amazing, watching it now, to think that there was a time when it was okay to open a television show like this. They don’t take practice swings like this anymore. When your show starts, you start the show.

“But time is indifferent to terror,” says Joan, and you have to admit she has a point. “And the earth obeys the primal command creating nights and days, creating the moment when fear no longer stalks… but stops to strike.”

In other words: it’s October 1967, and you don’t have a remote control. If the earth obeying primal commands isn’t a stop-the-presses level event for you, then you’re going to have to get up, walk across the room and do something about it.

Continue reading Episode 348: Mission Accomplished →