Category Archives: Ron Sproat

Episode 330: Twenty-two Minutes

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , , ,

“They aren’t ideas, and I’m not imagining things.”

Well, it’s Friday, so we might as well talk about cliffhangers.

Over the next couple of months, the Dark Shadows writers are finally going to get the hang of how the show is supposed to work, and a crucial part of that is learning how to create episode endings that get people to come back for the next episode. That’s especially important on Fridays, when the cliffhanger needs to last us all the way to Monday.

High-quality cliffhanger construction is a very specific skill, and as the writers develop it, a cynical observer might start to wonder if the structure of the entire narrative is being twisted in order to service the audience’s bottomless hunger for bigger and bolder thrills.

In other words: Does this entire twenty-two minute slice of television exist only to set up a surprise twist in the last sixty seconds?

There are two answers to that question, which are as follows: a) Yes, it does, and b) Which is awesome.

Continue reading Episode 330: Twenty-two Minutes →

Episode 329: Willie Loomis Must Die

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , , ,

“I’m afraid of the night! Don’t let it be dark! Please, don’t let it be dark!”

Willie’s been in a coma for several days now, recovering from getting shot in the back by a trigger-happy police squad. If he comes out of the coma, then he might tell the Sheriff that Barnabas is a vampire, so Julia’s been sent to Willie’s hospital room to make sure that doesn’t happen.

In yesterday’s episode, Julia was considering pulling out Willie’s IV. Today she’s decided to go the slow route instead, killing the patient with secondhand smoke.

Dr. Woodard, like the fool he is, comes up behind Julia and tells her that he thinks the Sheriff’s right — he doesn’t think Willie was the kidnapper. Julia takes a drag on her cigarette, turns around, and blows a puff of smoke right into his face.

Continue reading Episode 329: Willie Loomis Must Die →

Episode 328: Look! A Ring!

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , , ,

“There are a dozen reasons why that’s impossible.”

So here’s your standard, kitchen-sink soap opera situation: Willie was shot a couple days ago, and he’s still in a coma. Barnabas is pacing around the drawing room, waiting for Julia to come back from the hospital to report on the patient’s recovery.

But this is Dark Shadows, and what he’s really worried about is that if Willie pulls through, he’ll tell everyone that Barnabas is a vampire. So when Julia tells him that Willie is still alive, Barnabas explodes with anger.

“I know what you’re going to say!” he shouts. “You’re going to tell me to remain quiet and forget it. Well, I refuse to do that any longer! Willie must die!”

Continue reading Episode 328: Look! A Ring! →

Episode 322: To Bite or Not to Bite

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , , ,

“I have to stand by and let her die. All of them… one by one.”

For the last few episodes, it’s mostly been Barnabas, Julia and Willie standing around in the Old House and discussing whether Barnabas should kill Maggie Evans or not. At the top of the show today, Barnabas has finally made a decision, and he’s on his way out the door — and there’s Julia on the doorstep, ready for another round of negotiations.

No wonder vampires sleep all day. Their nights are just one long staff meeting.

Continue reading Episode 322: To Bite or Not to Bite →

Episode 321: What We Talk About When We Talk About Ghosts

Ron Sproat, September 1967, ,

“There are men all over the place.”

It’s Monday, which means that Barnabas has had the whole weekend to think things over, and he still has the same stupid plan. He’s heard that Maggie’s started to remember what happened when she was abducted a few months ago, and the Sheriff thinks there’s going to be a big break in the case. If that’s true, then she’s probably already told everyone that Barnabas is a vampire, and now her agent is booking the promotional tour for her tell-all autobiography.

Barnabas’ brilliant response to this situation is to go to Maggie’s house while she’s sleeping, and kill her. Willie and Julia have tried to explain why this isn’t an award-winning idea, but it’s an uphill battle.

Continue reading Episode 321: What We Talk About When We Talk About Ghosts →

Episode 320: This Means Your Life

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , ,

“Another blunder! This may mean your life.”

We take you now, live, to a young boy’s subconscious mind. David Collins is having a nightmare, and everyone’s invited.

Of course, his subconscious doesn’t have to work very hard here. David’s whole life is a terrifying nightmare, so bad dreams for him are essentially just edited highlights.

Continue reading Episode 320: This Means Your Life →

Episode 319: This Maniac

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , ,

“I’ll have a man behind every bush and tree, if you give the word.”

Well, the Collinsport Star had to break out the 84-point type again. Another Girl Attacked! You have to admit, it makes for a compelling headline.

Underneath that, the sub-head says “Police Baffled”, about which quelle surprise. I’ve seen the Collinsport police. “Baffled” is actually a pretty good day for them.

Continue reading Episode 319: This Maniac →

Episode 314: A Logical Explanation

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , ,

“I’ve got a feeling about this doll.”

It’s the next morning, and Joe’s been out all night searching for young David, who’s trapped in the secret room in the mausoleum.

Joe walks over to Maggie’s house, and he slumps down into a chair to grab a few moments of rest. He’s exhausted, and dirty, and he hasn’t shaved. And you remember how yesterday I noticed that Joe is really handsome? Cause, damn.

But there’s no time for romance; we’ve got serious business today. Worn out from weeks of baffling mysteries, Joe finally says what everyone’s been thinking.

“We all know there’s something very strange going on in this town,” he says, “but I’m beginning to think that it’s something so strange that…”

That what, Joe?

“That it borders on the supernatural.”

BOOM! And the world explodes.

Continue reading Episode 314: A Logical Explanation →

Episode 313: Old Friends

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , , , , , ,

“He heard the pearl-shaped voice of a ghost saying Boo.”

The storyline this week is that young David’s trapped in the secret room in the mausoleum, and he can’t figure out how to open the hidden door from the inside. It’s a fairly suspense-free scenario, because he’s friends with a ghost who knows that he’s in there.

So it doesn’t take a genius to predict that Sarah will show up to rescue him, at some point between now and the day he starves to death. For the sake of convenience, let’s call that point “Friday.”

And yet, here we are, smack in the middle of Wednesday, with no end in sight. On the plus side, we get to spend some time with Joe this week, so that’s something.

Continue reading Episode 313: Old Friends →

Episode 312: Search Party

Ron Sproat, September 1967, , ,

“Be quiet, you fool!”

I know it’s not politically correct to say it, but this is why you can’t trust vampires.

Hysterical governess Victoria Winters is out on the terrace, terribly concerned that her young charge, David, has wandered off into the night. Barnabas stops by, and she pours out all of her fears and anxieties. She begins to sob, and he comforts her, holding her close and making soothing sounds.

And then, apparently, he decides to just go ahead and rip a new hole in her neck. For the last several weeks, he’s been carefully positioning himself as a trusted friend and advisor, setting up the early stages of a long-term seduction plan. This moment is an uncharacteristic lapse, a gentleman jewel thief about to smash a piggy bank.

But what the hell, he must be thinking. You only live once, approximately.

Continue reading Episode 312: Search Party →