“You don’t know what you’re saying! The horror of that hand!”
In yesterday’s episode, vampire-about-town Barnabas Collins was down at the docks, looking for a bite to eat. He was just about to feed on streetwalker Maude Browning, but she screamed and fought him off, and it attracted attention. He scrambled away, leaving behind his signature silver wolf’s head cane.
So Barnabas needs to learn one of the fundamental rules of crime: If you’re going to go out and attack people, leave your identifiable accessories at home. This is no time for expressing your individuality; you need to be able to blend. This is why hipsters can’t be criminals.
Continue reading Episode 440: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Vampires
“I don’t like people asking questions. And I like even less the people who inspire those questions.”
You know, it’s amazing the kind of thing that you can get used to when you’re watching a TV show every day. The show is clearly stalling while the writers figure out how to spin the Barnabas story out, and I’ve been grumbling all week about the recap and repetition.
But consider this: It’s May 1967. Thirty seconds ago, Nurse Sharon was emptying bedpans on General Hospital. And now we’re watching a walking corpse from the 18th century savagely beating a destitute con man with a cane.
Continue reading Episode 234: Adventures in Babysitting
“And then, all of a sudden, for no reason, I started to get afraid.”
Today, we begin with a recap of Maggie’s dream sequence from the last episode, which is how you know what a great dream it was. I don’t know if other shows would bother to do a recap of a dream sequence, but on Dark Shadows they sure do.
Continue reading Episode 225/226: Fangs for Nothing
“But then uniqueness is not always a good thing. It sets you apart from other men.”
Okay, I know, these first couple weeks with Barnabas are kind of a hard road. Most of the action’s been off-screen, and cow-related. Barnabas has been acting more like a kindly uncle than a demonic horror from the past.
Come on, the audience cries, enough with the slow build already. Bring on the scares!
Continue reading Episode 221: Mystery Date