“I lose track of time. The days are all the same here, and no one ever bothers to tell me what day it is.”
He is dead, alas! Reverend Trask is dead. The world is a little duller now — noticeably quieter — and we’re down another antagonist, which poses a real problem. We’ve been shedding characters like crazy as we approach the end of the 1795 storyline, and here’s the point where the cast really starts to look thin.
As we’ve seen recently, Barnabas has taken on a new role as the monster who hunts other monsters, kind of a cross between Godzilla and Dexter. That story structure turns out to be very productive for the show over the next couple years, but in order to work, you need an opponent who’s in the same weight class.
Angelique and Reverend Trask were both Barnabas-sized problems, and it was satisfying to see him take them on. Now that they’re gone, the only villain left is Nathan, who’s more of a charming con man than a threatening monster.
But he’s the best that we have to work with, so over the next week, we need to turn Nathan the adorable rascal into Nathan the predator.
You can always tell when a soap opera is running dry on characters, because they start drafting day players into service as talk-to’s. This is common practice on soaps. You pick somebody out of the background, give them a name — Chad, let’s say, or Schuyler — and then give them a list of questions to ask, like “How did you find out?” or “When do the test results come back?”
In this case, his name is Noah, and he’s apparently a sailor and a petty thief. Nathan is a Lieutenant in the Navy, and Noah dresses like a chorus member from The Pirates of Penzance, so I’m not quite sure how they hooked up.
But Nathan’s recent playmate just became architecture, so here’s Noah. Drink him in, folks. He doesn’t seem to like Nathan much, which doesn’t earn him any points with the viewers. He keeps asking for money, and saying things like “I just don’t know how you talked me into this,” and “What kind of excitement?” This isn’t real dialogue; it’s Dialogue Helper.
On the up side, he gives Nathan all the softball pitches that he needs to explain his plan to lure the wealthy Millicent Collins back to his side. Nathan recently found Barnabas’ cane on the docks just after a woman was attacked, and he’s got a scheme to turn that baffling situation to his advantage.
As Nathan lays out the schedule, Noah asks questions like “All right, what do I have to do?” and “What about later?” which is pretty much all you can expect from someone in his pay grade.
Over at Collinwood, we’ve got another random talk-to — an unnamed maid, who we’ve never seen before and we’ll never see again. As is traditional among soap opera domestics, her role is to stand there and look perplexed while the rich lady acts crazy, and maybe throw in a question like “Are you all right?” if the scene needs a little push.
Anyway, this is the beginning of Nathan’s plan — he writes a note on a fan, and then has Noah deliver the fan to Millicent. This is what people used to do before text messaging was invented. They called it fan mail.
Millicent is angry at Nathan for various bigamy-related deceptions, and she’s been waiting for her cousin Barnabas to come back from England, so he can defend her honor by challenging Nathan to a duel. She thinks that getting a message written on a fan is a thing that happens, which shows you how far she’s drifted from normal lately.
Things are starting to drag a bit, so Millicent goes rooting around in the drawing room for the box of duelling pistols. This is one of the great things about Collinwood; murder weapons are just strewn about the house, in easy reach of anyone who decides to do something crazy.
As always, actors have no idea what to do with a gun. Millicent just picks one up and fondles it. She says it’s not loaded, but in this house, that’s not a safe assumption.
And then we have a scene with Natalie, who’s hanging around Collinwood for no particular reason. Her brother Andre is gone — off to New York on business, last time anyone mentioned him — and her niece Josette is dead. But Millicent needs somebody to talk to about the fan and the guns, so Natalie’s still here.
Luckily, Grayson Hall and Nancy Barrett are always fun to watch, so this isn’t a bad scene. Natalie is gently talking the crazy girl into putting down the box of firearms, which is a worthwhile thing to do. But really, this whole episode is just plot mechanics, so it’s hard for me to get excited about anything.
And here’s another example, walking in the door. It’s Peter, Vicki’s lawyer-slash-boyfriend, and he’s still trying to prove that she’s innocent of the witchcraft charges. All the B-plots are just ping-ponging around today.
Peter’s got the note that Trask was forced to write yesterday, clearing Vicki’s name, but the authorities won’t listen to him. There’s really no particular reason for him to come to Collinwood and talk to Natalie about it, but apparently we’re holding a meeting of the Leftover Characters Club in the Collinwood foyer.
We pause on Natalie’s face for an act break, while Peter holds the note about a centimeter away from her face, because Peter is a jerk.
You may have noticed that there are a lot of props today — the cane, the guns — and this is the second note that’s arrived in the last ten minutes. It’s like they knew they didn’t have a lot of story today, so everybody decided to catch up on their paperwork.
Then we get a whole scene of Peter scowling, and trying to get Natalie to consider the idea that maybe Angelique was the real witch in the house. Vicki’s trial ended last week, but this is apparently The Plot Point That Will Not Die, and now Peter is passionately rehashing the trial scenes with a character who really doesn’t have a lot to do with anything.
Once Peter and Natalie clear the room, Millicent sneaks back into the drawing room to get the guns, so it turns out her conversation with Natalie was nothing but time-filling. This episode is mostly about transporting props from one room to another.
Outside in the garden, Nathan is doing caper prep with Noah. I really want to like this scene, because it involves disguises and trickery, and that’s usually a good sign. But Noah is asking more whiny questions like “Why do I have to wear this?”, which means that he still doesn’t understand the plan that Nathan has been trying to explain to him for the entire episode.
So, I don’t know, maybe it turns out that there isn’t an episode 443 after all. Everything that’s happening today is just moving pieces around the board, putting things in place to set up interesting stories next week. I wish I could say that things are going to improve over the next couple of days. I wish I could say a lot of things.
Tomorrow: Anatomy of a Speed Bump.
Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
Peter trips over a line in his conversation with Natalie: “You could help us by telling us… by telling us about Angelique.”
Behind the Scenes:
The Collinwood maid is played by Charlotte Fairchild, a stage actress who was an understudy on several well-known Broadway musicals, including the original productions of Damn Yankees, Mame and 42nd Street. Her only other TV credit is for a 1967 episode of the anthology show NBC Experiment in Television, and she also had a role in a 1972 horror movie, Silent Night, Bloody Night. This is her only appearance on Dark Shadows.
Tomorrow: Anatomy of a Speed Bump.
— Danny Horn
Dark Shadows Every Day 
They forgot Chekhov’s dictum “Don’t put a gun in Act I unless you intend to shoot it in Act III” But Millicent never gets to shoot it…
Nathan as the “final” antagonist is a startling change from Angelique and Trask. I sometimes think they killed Trask too soon — perhaps his death, rather than Nathan’s, should have been Barnabas’s last act of violence before being chained in his coffin.
Nathan’s shady actions now are somewhat in character but I never thought it was in character, nor did it make much sense, for him to try to kill Daniel. Looking at the long game, there would have been little difference to Nathan financially if Millicent or Daniel had the family fortune — as the adult male, he would have controlled it. That’s at least 10 years as master of the money until Daniel came of age, and Nathan was charming enough to ingratiate himself fully to Daniel so he’d be taken care of when the money was officially Daniel’s. Thus, there’s no true motive, I think, for the attempted murder other than to elevate Nathan as a villain and to give Vicki something to do.
Grayson Hall’s characters were the ultimate ‘freeloaders’ sponging off the Collins family’s hospitality – Dr Julia Hoffman in 1967, Natalie Dupres in 1795 and Magda in 1897. Thats as far as I’ve gotten as of today but I don’t expect things to change much in the remaining storylines.
Agree, there is a group of Natalie and Joshua fan fiction people that enjoy their barbs at each other. One comment that Natalie stayed because she liked Joshua wtih his barbs at her. Well, I neve seen much of spark between her and Joshua. I think the writers at first keep her since she was found of her niece Josette and after that they use her in the scene with Millicent and later on with Joshua in the Bathia Mapes.
Natalie was fond of her niece Josette.
Natalie was probably also filling the role of chaperone.
Yes – it was always enjoyable when Louis Edmonds was in a scene, no matter what character he was playing. He seemed to have a generally kind and comedic personality that gave him good chemistry with every other actor on the show.
True.
I think it is tomorrow’s episode in which Millicent wants to have a talk with Joshua, and I thought, oh, yes, please have a talk with Joshua. On screen, please.
Spot on, Joanne!
I’m rather enjoying Lt. Forbes’ moment in the villainy sun myself. It is indeed a change from Angelique and Trask, but I like it. And now that she’s gone from giggling nuisance to half-mad, I am really enjoying Nancy Barrett’s Millicent.
I am really enjoying reading these posts as I watch DS for the first time. Thanks, Danny! I actually enjoyed this episode a great deal. If Peter hadn’t barged in, the scene between Nancy Barrett and Grayson Hall would have been nearly flawless. Millicent has become the best thing about 1795. Also, I enjoyed how even though we have never seen a maid at Collinswood, as soon as Nathan tells Noah that a maid will answer the door, poof – we get a maid!
Indeed. And I enjoyed Miss Fairchild as the convenient maid; I’m sorry she didn’t stay around for longer.
but this episode is memorable. for it’s the one where Millicent tells the Countess, confidentially that those revolvers were ever so heavy. a priceless moment of theatrical farce that, for me, was reason enough for the entire episode. and while i’m finally putting in my five cents, thank you Danny, for entertaining me on countless nights, with your distinct humour and ravishing wit, those adorable streaks of sweetness, and that infallible sense of colour. you’re this side of all right, Mr. Horn. i adore you.
“She says it’s not loaded, but in this house, that’s not a safe assumption.” Gun instructors will always tell you that is never a safe assumption even if you just unloaded it yourself.
Did anyone else think when Nathan put a mask on Noah, “Why is Nathan putting a blindfold on Noah? And is he going to give him a cigarette before Millicent shoots him?” No such luck.
Miles, you cannot be more right. Chilling. It’s 2021, and as I write this, a famous actor is in very hot water for accidentally shooting the DP, on the set of his movie, Rust.
I work in the film industry. There are so many protocols involving guns on set, and not one of them was followed by the actor who was also the executive producer, namely: never point a gun at another person, and secondly: always assume the gun is loaded… very sad day for a tragedy that did not need to happen.
Dressed up in that ridiculous outfit Noah looks like an overgrown kid cosplaying as Zorro.
I agree! He looks ridiculous and I think this whole scheme is unintentionally funny.
I agree! He looks ridiculous, and this whole scheme strikes me as ludicrous.
Did anyone else notice that Natalie’s beauty mark seems to grow bigger and bigger with each episode?
And change shape, too?
I thought it was just me that’s her beauty mark had not only grown in size but changed shape almost like a star.
Exactly, Dag,! My girlfriend and I were laughing about that when we watched this episode a couple of nights ago on DECADES.
Ladies of fashion in that period had a whole wardrobe of beauty patches of various sizes, which could be pasted on to emphasize different facial features. Stars and card suits, which the Countess wears, were popular.
What does it say about me that Nancy Barrett never looked more beautiful to me than as ditzy Millicent? I generally don’t find ditzy appealling (for instance I never thought much of Goldie Hawn when she was the giggling goof on Laugh-In around this same time, but found her much more lovely later on when she matured into a woman). As a kid watching DS for the first time in March of ’68 I never fully or consciously appreciated Nancy’s attractiveness, but somehow I always loved that name, “Millicent”, and associated it with delicate beauty, so maybe I loved Nancy Barrett all along.
As a side note on Craig Slocum as Noah and Harry, he IS fun to goof on. When he shows up at Collinwood in 1968 as Harry and is led into the drawing room by his mother for some scolding, he acts up a storm with his face by nodding to himself and looking lustfully up and around the room at its supposed opulence, trying hard to convey that he was scheming and thinking, “This place could pay off big dividends!” His odd voice and manner were even stranger to me than Addison Powell’s acting choices, but unintentionally funny and entertaining in small doses nevertheless. Anyway, in one of the books on DS that my sister had, I recall seeing a photo of Craig posing with a young fan and smiling sweetly, and I warmed to him in a way that his acting never would’ve elicited. So, maybe he was a nice guy, but a weird actor?
Maybe it’s just me, but when I see Noah the sailor man the Village People’s “In the Navy” sometimes comes to mind.
Thanks for your description of Noah–and Mrs. Johnson’s son. I enjoy him for the same reasons.
Regarding Rev. Trask’s letter, I must have missed something. How did Peter end up with it?
He said it was sent to him.
Noah’s dress-up reminds me of a contemporary show – William Daniels in “Captain Nice.”
I can’t seem to pinpoint Craig Slocum’s accent. Is he from Brooklyn? New York? Boston? London? Where the heck is the guy supposed to be from?
oh, and one more thing….why is Natalie even there? It would make way more sense for Peter to bring Trask’s note to Naomi, as she is the one who was always the advocate to Vicki. Also, as the mistress of Collinwood, Naomi would have more influence with the town. Natalie isn’t even a Collins! She’s a foreigner and not even from another state, but another country. They wouldn’t listen to her anyway. Very strange choice.
Nancy Barrett trips or gets a static electricity shock or something after she comes down the stairs to sneak out for her assignation.
Was it commonly accepted folklore in the late 18th century that “witches do return”, as Peter says? I thought hanging them was supposed to be a pretty definitive period on the end of their sentence, so to speak. Otherwise, what’s the point.