Episode 1060: Dreams of Manderley

“I don’t feel anything. I’m just glad it’s over.”

The road to Manderley lay ahead. There was no moon. The sky above our heads was inky black. But the sky on the horizon was not dark at all. It was shot with crimson, like a splash of blood. And the ashes blew towards us with the salt wind from the sea.

And then Snidely Whiplash tied me to a barrel marked TNT, Daphne Du Maurier didn’t say, on the last page of Rebecca. She probably would have, if she’d thought of it, but I bet it didn’t even occur to her. I guess some people know how to write exciting conclusions and some people don’t, and that’s all there is to it.

It’s Graduation Day in this strange desert otherworld of Parallel Time, and they’re heading towards one of those “tragically ever after” endings that they have in post-apocalypse movies and most Doctor Who stories, where it’s great that the villains are defeated, especially if you happen to be one of the three people left alive in the universe.

Quentin Collins has been exonerated of all murder charges, because the police did an autopsy on Alexis’ corpse and discovered somehow that she was actually her twin sister Angelique, which means that she killed all the people that Quentin’s accused of killing, including herself. I guess in Parallel Time, they’re still having post-mortem witch trials conducted on the honor system; Julia just talks to the authorities and explains this inexplicable series of events, and then everything’s fine. If forensics has a hard time figuring out what Dameon Edwards had to do with anything, then that is entirely their problem.

So Quentin’s getting out of jail, and then he’s going to sell Collinwood to Kirk Kekorian, so MGM can turn it into the world’s largest parallel hotel. Then presumably he’ll run off with Maggie and do whatever they would have been doing if they weren’t being haunted, which is anybody’s guess. Angelique liked gardening, Stokes collected stuffed cockatoos, and Bruno played the piano and got recreationally choked by people, but nobody bothered to provide Maggie and Quentin with any non-story-related characteristics. They’ll probably just go on accusing each other of things; it’s all they know.

But along comes Mustache Stokes, the meanest Stokes of all. He’s mad at the world for various reasons that I am no longer responsible for explaining, and he’s decided that if he has to go down, he’s going down swinging.

He runs across Maggie in the woods like the Big Bad Wolf, which is super convenient, because she’s the very person he was hoping to threaten. “It’s no use resisting!” he says, clamping his hand over her mouth. “You’re coming with me, and don’t try to scream or you’ll be very sorry!” Then he lets her go, and she just stands there and talks to him.

He asks where Quentin is, and when she hesitates, he barks, “Just answer the question, you’ll find I’m very easiliy provoked!” And then she answers, because who wants to provoke people.

They stand there chatting for thirty seconds, before he grabs her wrist and drags her away. “No! Let me go!” she says, failing to struggle. She’s younger and faster than he is, but somehow he manages to overpower her, through sheer animal magnetism.

And then he drags her to Collinwood and ties her to a chair, as she sits quietly and waits until he’s finished. I’m not even sure you can tie a person to a chair the way he’s doing it — surely, she could just stand up and take the chair with her, problem solved — but there she is, folding her hands in her lap and waiting to see where he’s going with this.

He does have a gun, as it happens, which he displays with a lunatic grin on request, but he hasn’t been holding Maggie at gunpoint all this time. You can point a gun at somebody, or you can ineffectually tie them to a comfortable chair, but, in my experience, you can’t do both. If it helps, we could have one time band where Stokes points a gun at her, and another time band where he ties her to a chair, but it’s a bit late in the game to establish further time iterations.

By the way, is anybody else as tired of the pink-and-orange flowers as I am? Oh my god, enough already.

The problem, obviously, is that they killed the actual villain at the top of Monday’s episode, and here we are all the way into Friday, and the characters haven’t had much of a challenge to react to except time and basements and ennui, so at the last minute, they’re turning the mad, fat old alcoholic that they have on hand into a Batman villain.

Stokes calls Quentin at the Old House and tells him to come over to Collinwood alone and unarmed, and Quentin does, but Stokes still isn’t happy. There’s no pleasing some people. So he stands around and monologues like the madman he is.

“I intend to finish what Angelique started!” Stokes says, and doesn’t shoot Quentin.

Quentin asks what Stokes is talking about, and Stokes explains, “She was determined to resume her rightful place here again, as mistress of Collinwood.” And then he still doesn’t shoot Quentin.

“Unfortunately, now it’s not possible for her to be here with you,” Stokes adds, not shooting Quentin, “but it’s quite possible for you to be with her.” At this juncture, he does not shoot Quentin.

“Quentin, he’s going to kill you!” says Maggie, although I can’t imagine where she got that idea.

“I have nothing to lose!” Stokes announces merrily. “And very little to gain, except the satisfaction of seeing you dead. They say a man’s life is judged by his achievements! My crowning achievement was the restoration of Angelique, and you destroyed it! I live now, Quentin, only to see you die!” He’s apparently waiting for him to die of old age.

But then there’s a display of television judo, the ancient martial art of distracting somebody and then tapping them on the wrist, to make them drop their gun and then stand around looking stunned, while the hero picks it up and saves the day.

“There has been enough killing, Stokes!” Barnabas cries as he steps out from behind the drapes, which is one of those great moments in ta-dah!

How long do you think he’s been hiding back there? It’s adorable.

Now, the thing that distracted Stokes was the doors opening by themselves — clearly a Barnabas vampire-power — but how did Barnabas know that Stokes was going to close the doors before he shot Quentin? And why did he close the doors before he shot Quentin? And how did Barnabas explain this plan, without revealing that he has magic powers? And so on.

And then, for no reason at all, Roxanne walks into the room and stands right next to Stokes, staring blankly at Barnabas.

But there is a reason, which is that it puts her neck within grabbing range.

“One twist!” Stokes proclaims. “One little twist, Barnabas, and I can break her neck, so — stay where you are!” And she just kind of yelps piteously as he closes and somehow locks the drawing room doors from the outside.

So this episode has kind of a problem with women, is what I’m saying. We’re clearly abiding by adventure-story rules today, rather than soap-opera rules.

On a soap opera, the women are the central characters — they make all the big decisions, and everybody gets as much time to talk about their feelings as they want. In an adventure story, the central guy is the hero — they get all the action, and the women are basically props. In fact, right now Quentin and Barnabas are both being the hero, so they had to team up to distract Stokes and get the gun.

Then it’s Quentin’s job to get Maggie to safety, while Barnabas picks up Julia in the woods. Julia’s a wild card in this construction — neither the action hero nor the imperiled ingenue — so they have to do an extra little scene to get her involved with the search for Roxanne. Ordinarily, Julia would be the one driving, but today is not a good day for the females.

So here’s Roxanne, held vaguely under Stokes’ arm, not really trying to break free in any noticeable way. He’s picked up a gas can somehow, so I guess he led Roxanne all the way to the garage and back. Say what you like about Stokes, he does seem to have a knack for attracting and retaining captives.

So it’s not Mrs. Danvers who destroys Manderley after all, because women can’t seem to do anything of consequence today. The culprit is Emperor Nero Wolfe, who fiddles while Rome burns. And our heroes race for the fire exit, back to their own band of time, which is exactly like this one, except that people have made different choices. I wonder what that feels like.

Monday: I’ll Be There For You.


Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

There is something distracting at the back of Maggie’s hair, starting with the scene where Stokes ties her to a chair. It could be connected to the hairband she has on, but I don’t think so. You get a good look at it after Quentin unties her, but I can’t identify it.

There’s a little edit during Quentin’s conversation with Stokes, which skips to mid-sentence.

In act 4, we can still hear Stokes laughing in the foyer after the scene shifts to Angelique’s room.


Behind the Scenes:

What is that map hanging up behind Julia at the police station? Do the police in Parallel Collinsport have jurisdiction in the South Pacific?

Monday: I’ll Be There For You.

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

90 thoughts on “Episode 1060: Dreams of Manderley

  1. The BIG blooper that appears here and isn’t fixed in the Monday recap is Barnabas’ loss of his coat and cane when he and Julia return to Earth-1. Unless the coat and cape didn’t make it through the switch back ad they’re still back in PT. If he never wears it again does that mean this IS not a blooper?

    1. Maybe Barnabas’ coat and cane will simply follow him home the way Aunt Clara’s bag and umbrella followed her to Samantha’s house. Barnabas will hear a knock at the Old House door and find his coat and cane hovering there – and he’ll ask them, “What took you so long?”

  2. I get that Barnabas didn’t have time to explain where he was from to Maggie or Quentin but maybe Julia told Quentin the truth at the police station. After all both he and Maggie surely would have figured out that their sudden ally was not the cold, calculating Hoffman. If not, we would have to assume Roxanne was the only one who DID know. But does she die in the fire? We have to wait a couple more weeks for the answer.. I think.

  3. Roxanne is actually holding Stokes’ hand in the picture where he’s “dragging” her out of the drawing room. Oh, Roxanne.

    1. See,now, Sabrina could have made that whole sequence look even lamer and more fakey.

      Pity Stokes didn’t come upon Julia, SHE wouldn’t have stood for that nonsense after three days locked in a basement! An elbow in his generous breadbasket, a roundhouse to his chin, and we could have stayed in Parallel Time for a lot longer…
      Oh. Never mind.

      1. You know, there is a pretty striking resemblance between Sabrina and Roxanne. I’m calling secret twins on them. Now that I think about it, it would make a lot of sense if Colonel Mustache was draining half of Sabrina’s life force along with all of Roxanne’s. Put them both together and you’ve got one solid ninnysworth.

  4. Oh. My. Gosh.
    If ANYONE ever needed a monocle, Timothy Stokes needs one.
    And maybe a duelling scar (or would that be de trop?)
    I like that he just stands there cackling maniacally – so maniacally that he can be heard all the way over in the East Wing.
    And that fire spreads fast! Maybe Roxanne brought some along with her when she ran to find Barnabas, or maybe it’s just the old dry wood – Hoffman wasn’t using Old English wood oil. Or maybe it’s all the brandy that’s been sloshed all around the place over the centuries. (I daresay there must have been ONE Collins who was a teetotaler, but the family disowned them.)

    And nobody at the police station could give Maggie a lift home? Isn’t Collinsport several miles from the estate? Of course, ‘our’ Maggie walked like fifty miles from Windcliff to The Blue Whale in an hour or so, and regularly made the trip out to Eagle Hill in minutes.

    PS say what you like about the silent era, but you always knew who the villains were – and they meant business when they tied a damsel up! No comfy chairs – and just LOOK at what they’re using to hold down poor Mabel! Oh, who will succour her? Surely there is no escape! (Nyah-hah-haaaa!)

    1. I wondered about how fast the fire spread, too, given that Collinwood had at least 40 rooms. Oh, and the entry hall was supposed to be a stone floor, i think. The stairs were old wood and would have gone quickly. Oh, not to mention that the fire apparently circled around Roxanne and blocked the doorway of Angelique’s room. Fire’s kind of strange that way, even without a witch’s help.

        1. And either Roxanne is in peril or else she is in danger.
          When she isn’t in distress, at risk, under threat, jeopardised or menaced.

          Anyway, Quentin and Maggie are safe, that’s what’s important – slaughter everyone in Parallel Time, obliterate the mansion, but it will all be worth it for their happiness.
          (Isn’t it nice having Barnabas come by for a visit?)

          1. And, if Alexandra had returned to play Evil Vicky, Barnabas would have gladly slaughtered everyone in parallel time and obliterated the mansion for HER happiness.

      1. That’s even more impressive! I bet if she tried, Maggie could break the sound barrier. No telling what she could do in the right automobile –
        “She drove a Plymouth Satellite faster than the speed of light.”
        – The B-52’s, Planet Claire

        1. Maybe she held Sarah’s hand and they both vanished outside of Windcliff and then reappeared outside the Blue Whale.

          1. I love it! Sarah knows just what Maggie needs – and it is NOT to go home. Maggie needs a martoonie, Bob-a-roonie! Busts her out for a little bit of night life. Or maybe Sarah knows that for Sam Evans, the Blue Whale IS home?

            Still doesn’t explain those Eagle Hill walks…

    1. Nope. As we learn in the next episode, he died in the Collinwood inferno. So did the orange and pink flowers. I guess we are to assume that Roxanne did as well.

  5. After Julia changes her outfit into her normal clothes, there is a Maggie and Quentin scene, and then Julia’s hair is different. Someone must’ve done something to it during that scene.

  6. “There is something distracting at the back of Maggie’s hair”

    I think it’s just a piece of “the woods”…

        1. Let’s hope it isn’t pigweasel droppings. (Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww!)

          Actually, Stokes also put a ‘Kick Me Hard’ sign on her back, too.
          It’s just what PT villains do.

            1. I thought Maggie was wearing a dark brown plastic headband. The distraction looks to be the lighter tan of her coat.

            2. I think you’re right Tessie. The scarf must be various shades. This rings a bell now, as something I puzzled over last time around.

  7. Even with Collinwood burning, not all hope is lost! PT has survivors! They can rebuild! We can go back to our PInk and Orange World one day! Here’s how it can happen:

    We have Quentin and Maggie of prime child-bearing years. We also have Daniel Collins with us. And Amy Collins and Chris Collins to spawn the next generation of “poor relations.” Maggie’s sister, Jennifer, can leave NYC for the simple life in Maine. PT Trask is still around.

    If PT follows the formula of Classique Collinwood, there should be 40-year respite to allow the family to procreate, restock and mostly forget the existence of supernatural happenings before the next violent outburst of vampirism, witchcraft, ghostly possessions and lost fountain pens take its toll.

    So if we travel to PT 2017, I think we’ll find the following all lined up ready to be slaughtered by various and sundry monsters:

    PT Quentin and Maggie took the kids and went off to Boston for a decade, where Quentin rebuilt the family fortune. They had three kids, and then returned to the estate and rebuilt Collinwood:

    Josh Collins, the eldest and heir to the fortune. Businessman — entitled and overbearing. Hates his father. Wears an ascot.
    Samuel Collins, the younger son. A painter and prone to drink.
    Josette Collins, the spoiled daughter. Hates her mother. Went to boarding school in France and speaks fluent French.

    Quentin is old and half-mad. Stares at the moon out the Tower Room and is addicted to a show called “Falcon Crest.” Maggie’s best friend and confidante is a woman named Susan Sullivan.

    Then there’s Daniel, still smoldering in resentment over his stepmother’s death. And he got married to a lady named Laura Murdoch who died mysteriously in a fire last year! They had twin girls, Hannah Collins and Alexis Collins. Hannah dabbles in tarot for fun, and Alexis likes to stare into fires.

    Amy Collins married one Tom Jennings. They have a son, Joseph Jennings. He’s good-looking earnest and wants to buy fishing boat.

    Chris Collins marries Jennifer Evans. They have a son, Evan Collins, also a lawyer.

    Trask is dead, but he had a son, Gregory, who is a strict fundamentalist. He has a daughter, Faith Trask. She’s a wild child and is banging Joseph and Evan.

    LET THE SLAUGHTER BEGIN!

      1. And Phil Collins.
        And Judy Collins.
        And Albert Collins.
        And Ray Collins.
        And Gary Collins.
        And Suzanne Collins.
        And Jackie Collins.
        To name a few. 🙂

        1. COLLINS BLOODLINE: The link (below) claims that the Collins family, together with at least 12 other powerful, extremely wealthy, well-known families, comprise the 13 satanic bloodlines which trace their family histories back through centuries of time. So, the selection of the surname of “Collins” for this accursed family on Dark Shadows may have been a most apt choice and not a coincidence at all.

          Disclaimer: Anything one finds on the internet should be taken with at least one grain of salt.

          Warning: However, I do not recommend reading the article if one is alone, feeling frightened, suffering from a heart condition, or on a dark stormy night! (link below)

          http://www.thewatcherfiles.com/bloodlines/

            1. Melissa wrote, “The friend of my mother’s who first introduced me to DS lived on Collins Road.”

              House Hunting Choice: If faced with a house hunting choice between 2 houses exactly alike in all respects except that one house is on a street with “Collins” or “Collinwood” in the streetname, i.e. like Collins Terrace or Collinwood Road, and the other house is not, then I wonder which house the commenters on this blog generally would choose to buy?

          1. I skimmed, but will look more carefully later at the link. I did pick up one point of being careful about the site (as your disclaimer indicates): it presupposes a massive underground satanic institution. All the indications are that these cult/ occult groups have one difficulty – they can’t seem to get along enough to form a solid leadership pattern. There are localized covens (or whatever they want to call them) but even within those, the lust for power (if not actual blood) overcomes any cohesiveness. But I get your point that the “Collins” may not be an accident if it’s in the minds of the target audience. Would enjoy hearing your thoughts.

            1. Benj wrote, “… Would enjoy hearing your thoughts.”

              Precise answers to big questions — such as who killed “What’s My Line?” TV personality Dorothy Kilgallen in 1965 after she interviewed Jack Ruby for a chapter in her upcoming book “Murder One”, or why did Building 7 collapse (like the Twin Towers WTC 1 & 2) even though Building 7 had not been struck by an airplane, or the specific topic at hand of a possible larger association of occult groups — are ultimately unknowable to most of us except some persons operating at a high level.

              I would advise you to conduct your own research on any topic by thoughtfully considering the various competing theories, to be sure to include the many sources never covered by the popular media, to be aware that writers whose articles you will read invariably will get some parts right and other aspects wrong, and then arrive at your own conclusion, whatever that may be …

    1. Also, the Loomis house is haunted by Will’s ghost, who is earthbound until he finally writes a good book. He forces you to read reams of reams of paper that “is not it” and to give a review.

  8. This is the first episode of “Dark Shadows” that I ever saw in color.

    It was the first episode of anything that I ever saw in color.

    Although the networks had been broadcasting in color for a few years at this point, we didn’t have a color TV. Nobody in my neighborhood had a color TV. They were just too expensive.

    When my grandparents decided to buy one, it was treated like the epic event that it was. My father took the day off from work – mind you, he wouldn’t have done that for somebody in the family giving birth – and drove us all over so we could meet the newest addition to the family.

    I remember being absolutely mesmerized by KLS’ hair. In Living Color.

    Who now gay what now?

    We didn’t get our own color TV until 1975.

    1. Yeah, we were in the same boat. I think we got a color TV in ’73 or ’74. I think I saw DS in color on a neighbor’s TV a couple of times, but everything was a washed-out blue tinted thing.

      And when I watched the reruns for the first time in the late ’70s, I watched it on my parents’ back-up BW TV.

      In fact, my first television set in 1984 was my grandparents’ BW set. I didn’t have my own color TV with my own money until 1986. And I used it until 2011.

    2. I wasn’t born until Dark Shadows had ended, and I still remember our first color TV! (My parents were cheapskates.)

    3. We didn’t get a color TV until November 1971. My grades suddenly dropped.

      I did watch an episode of Dark Shadows at the home of a neighbor who had a color TV. And wouldn’t you know, it was an 1897 episode in which Quentin and Evan Hanley are trying to summon Satan. My neighbor’s grandmother was a fundamentalist Christian and would not shut up throughout the entire episode. After that, I found it more pleasurable to watch the show at home in black and white!

      1. My dad got us a color TV in 1966 just before most of the primetime TV shows were turning to color. For several years (at least so it seemed) so many TV shows had little bumpers before the credits and opening scenes. All were about the same. Stars from the show or a voice-over person would say, “Stay tuned for —- next in color!” That RCA console TV lasted a long time. Hard to believe that back then we had TV repairmen to come in an replace a tube or a wire and all was good again.

          1. Although it is technically for one TV show, I loved the Disney Wonderful World of Color intro. As a kid it made me wish we had a color TV.

          2. That was my favorite one, too. Too bad ABC didn’t use their color i.d. when DS went to color. But…for the first week, ABC did put in a graphic in the lower-third of the screen that said, “In Color,” plus the DS announcer, Bob Lloyd, would say, “This portion of Dark Shadows is brought to you in color by…”

            1. Yeah, I didn’t remember CBS or ABC doing as much with their little color announcements. The NBC one was almost magical in the level of excitement it could induce in me as a kid.

              I think ABC did dominate the soap promos in the late ’70s and early ’80s with those “Love in the Afternoon” segments:

        1. Lucky! 🙂

          We had a 1954 Philco cabinet model, a wedding present for my parents – that was around until the late 1970s, when K-Mart took away their “Tube Tester Station” from the appliances department, and we couldn’t get vacuum tubes any more. I liked the way the back of that set used to glow when it was switched on; then a crackle, and the picture popped into life. I watched the moon landing on that set.
          Then we had a B&W on a little wheeled cart, AND a 12 inch portable in the basement. We could watch 2 shows at the same time! Luxury!
          Then, a Zenith console, twenty- six inches of vivid Chromacolor, with Colonial styling to match our Early American decor. That stayed until the first flat screen my parents bought, and it served as the new TV stand.

          My parents weren’t cheap, they just never threw anything away.

      2. My superstitious Catholic grandmother (I know–is there any other kind?), who believed in ghosts and possessions and ESP, LOVED Dark Shadows. She and my grandfather kept me filled in at the end of PT1970 and 1995–we were without a TV during that period. On the other hand, my agnostic mother, who was majoring in psychology, considered DS a harmful influence, if only because of the extreme over-dramatics. And, I guess, the mausoleums and the graveyards. I was never completely sure. She’d wig out over it.

        Oddly enough, when “Psycho” played on TV, she and my dad made sure I caught it. Graveyards and overplaying–bad. Cross-dressing while slashing–no problem.

        1. *Oddly enough, when “Psycho” played on TV, she and my dad made sure I caught it. *

          Your parents were using it as a teachable moment; don’t steal a wad of cash and take a shower at a remote motel where there’s a creepy innkeeper and a big scary house at the top of the hill with his “shut-in mother” living there. (Okay, as teachable moments go, it IS a bit specific, but you just never know, do you?)

  9. AAAAAAUGH!
    QUICKLY, ROXANNE!

    Run to the tower and save the pigweasel!

    Oh, it’s too late – again. Here I thought the Parallel pigweasel might have a chance at happiness, quietly gathering dust on a shelf somewhere; I suppose that is just not the fate of the pigweasel. They must burn brightly, but too brief. 😦

    1. So, the pigweasel says (to the deer’s head): “Hey, did they turn off the air conditioning in the East Wing today? I feel like I’m roasting in here!”

      1. Give a pigweasel a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

  10. That karate chop to knock the gun out of Stokes’ hand, they’ve used that before, back in episode 272 when Jason McGuire decides to make a break from the drawing room. Only in that instance the gun Devlin was holding went off. Fortunately the sofa was not injured in the blast.

    It is an amusing move, one that approaches comedy. I wonder where they got it from. Some old film, perhaps?

    1. Get Smart!, Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea, The Avengers, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., that was a classic disarm for action-adventure TV shows. My favorite was when there were ten guys fighting Jim West on The Wild Wild West, but they politely took turns going at him, instead of dog piling on him.

        1. Those pants always gave me…pause, as well. (As well as a few other things…)
          I understand that a favorite blooper for fans of WWW is ‘split spotting’, when they used a take with Conrad’s seams giving way.


      1. “They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the film) to rush into the room, attack the hero one at a time, and be slaughtered. No one ever asks them if they want to.
        This book is dedicated to those fine men.”
        ― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s