Tag Archives: kindness

Episode 900: The Long Con

“You begin to sound like some hysterical woman novelist!”

It’s been twenty years since Paul Stoddard was in town, and you can tell, because he is not in tune with the reality of modern Collinsport life.

Tonight, he noticed that someone had tattooed a four-headed snake on his wrist while he wasn’t looking, and then he had a worrisome conversation with a harbinger at the Blue Whale. Returning to his hotel room, he drew a pentagram on the rug with chalk, placed a candle at each point, and sat down in a chair in the middle of the unholy sign, just to stop the threatening voices who demanded payment.

That’s all that happened, and he’s super stressed out about it. He needs to pull himself together; this is a slow night for Collinsport. There’s a very good chance that he might actually survive until morning, and think how silly he’ll feel.

Continue reading Episode 900: The Long Con

Episode 537: Life Without Barnabas

“Not run out, Willie. Go. Because there’s no reason to stay.”

Barnabas Collins is dead and buried, planted in the Earth by the only two people who can stand the sight of him.

“So, it is over,” says the First Gravedigger. “The end… The end.”

“You’d feel better if you cried,” says the Second Gravedigger.

“No, I’m past crying, Willie,” says the First. “Far past that. If I could imagine living without him — I could cry. But I can’t. I can’t.”

“No,” says the Second, staring off into the middle distance. “Neither can I.” He turns to face the First. “What’s going to happen to us?” he asks. “What are we going to do?”

And then the opening titles begin, waves crashing on the bleak shore of a town where life has no meaning and God is dead.

In other words: Yeah, it’s going to be another one of those entries today. Sorry.

Continue reading Episode 537: Life Without Barnabas

Episode 483: Free Willie

“He could be perfectly normal by now.”

We open today with Julia puttering around in the Old House with absolutely nothing to do, just staring into the fire. Barnabas walks down the stairs, sees her sitting in the drawing room, and smiles as he approaches.

He says that there’s something he has to do before Dr. Lang’s experiment on Friday, and he needs her help. She says, “Oh, I’ll do anything for you. You know that.”

So I’d say that’s pretty much the final destination of that particular journey. Barnabas + Julia: Best Friends Forever. And now that we’ve got that settled, it’s time to get the band back together. Gas up the car; we’re driving out to Windcliff Sanitarium to spring Willie Loomis.

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Episode 413: The New Black

“I’ve often thought it’s very sad that we live in two worlds that are so far apart in time from each other.”

Last night, assistant jailer and aspiring lawyer Peter Bradford sprung accused witch Victoria Winters from the Collinsport Gaol, so she could break into somebody’s house and steal a key piece of evidence in her case. Then he lied to opposing counsel about it, and indicated that he would perjure himself on the stand if required.

This morning, he feels bad about lying, so he’s planning to go to Reverend Trask and apologize.

I think it’s time for somebody to communicate to young Peter that he should stop coming up with new ideas, possibly through the medium of a prison sentence.

Continue reading Episode 413: The New Black