Episode 557: A Race of Monsters

“When you see his neck, Julia, you will know at once whether or not I am right.”

Julia walks into a haunted house, and finds a vampire sitting in an armchair.

“Barnabas, you look exhausted,” she says, because this television show takes place in a world where people worry that the living dead don’t get enough sleep.

557 dark shadows julia barnabas beginning

Barnabas sighs, and says, “Julia, I thought that when we were rid of Cassandra, our troubles were over, but apparently, they were just beginning.”

This is good news — not for them, obviously, but for us, because that’s how you kick off another meeting of the Junior Detectives. They’re going to spend the next four minutes doing a two-handed recap of all of the storylines that they’re worried about, brainstorming solutions as they go. They do a round-up like this every once in a while, and it’s one of my favorite things about the show.

Now, in general, I’m firmly against tedious recap scenes where ill-informed characters sit around and discuss mysteries that they just don’t have enough information to actually figure out. But Barnabas and Julia recap scenes are a notable exception, for several reasons.

557 dark shadows julia barnabas blocking

For one thing, there’s the blocking.

Grayson Hall is one hundred percent determined to hit her mark for every shot, because she emits several unique facial expressions per minute, and she doesn’t want the audience to miss any of them. Her co-star, Mr. J. Frid, can’t bother to remember where he’s supposed to stand, because he’s too busy worrying about the dialogue that he can’t remember how to say. This dynamic creates a fascinating little dance that’s rarely seen on network television.

While Julia says, “Barnabas, tell me what’s happened,” she’s moving into position for the next shot. But he’s just looking down at his hands, summoning up the mental energy required to recall his next line. He stays fixed, an immovable object, which means that now he’s standing between Julia and the camera. This is intolerable.

557 dark shadows julia barnabas leans

So when he says, “Adam was here again last night,” Julia actually leans to the right to say her next line, to make sure that she stays on camera. This is a move that could fit smoothly into an I Love Lucy scene, where Lucy and Ethel are upstaging each other while performing a play to raise money for their women’s club.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia moves

Barnabas takes the hint, and he starts to move, traveling vaguely in the direction of his mark. He’s not entirely sure where that is, so the two of them have to shuffle awkwardly around each other, while Barnabas says his next line.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia teleprompter

Unfortunately, he can only pay attention to one thing at a time, and thinking about where he’s supposed to stand means that now he can’t remember what he’s supposed to say.

And he’s not even facing the teleprompter anymore, which means there’s a critical systems failure, and we’re only thirty-five seconds into the scene.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia impasse

Stuck in a dialogue-chicken stalemate, they both turn to look at the teleprompter at the same time.

Barnabas:  He said —

Julia:  — he knows where Vicki is.

Barnabas:  Knows where she is, and is prepared to kill her if we don’t give him what he wants.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia settled

So they’ve finally got that settled, and now it’s time for a new shot. It never ends with these two.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia serious

Another reason to love these scenes is that Barnabas and Julia can say basically anything to each other.

Julia:  Oh, Barnabas, I know how you feel, but it isn’t a matter of simply giving in to him. Another experiment is out of the question.

Barnabas:  But IS IT?

557 dark shadows barnabas julia glare

And then they just glare at each other. It’s fantastic.

557 dark shadows julia barnabas accelerate

Julia’s on the move again.

Julia:  Look at the damage we’ve already done! Look what Adam has become! The thought of a mate for him is frightening! Do you realize we’d be responsible for creating a — a race of monsters?

557 dark shadows julia barnabas brainstorm

Barnabas says, “Then what are we going to do?” which means it’s time to start spitballing solutions.

Barnabas:  Do you really think that Stokes could do something like this?

Julia:  When you stop to think about it, Barnabas, how much do we really know about him?

557 dark shadows julia thinking

She goes through a cycle of facial expressions.

Julia:  We do know that he took Adam in… He protected him, and he taught him how to read and write.

557 dark shadows julia why

Julia:  What we don’t know is WHY he did that.

557 dark shadows julia visit

Julia:  Now, I think it would be worth our while to pay a visit to Professor Stokes.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia agenda

Barnabas agrees, but that’s not the only item on today’s agenda.

Barnabas:  I went to the hospital last night. I went to see Tom Jennings.

Julia:  Who is Tom Jennings?

Barnabas:  He was the man who was attacked, the night before last.

So now we’re off on a completely different lunatic story thread.

Barnabas:  Julia, I know what that man is suffering from, and so do you. We both heard the howling of the dogs the other night.

This is an example of the kind of dialogue that you simply don’t get on television shows that are written by sane people.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia thread

The point of these scenes is to see how long two adults can stand around in a room saying preposterous things to each other.

Barnabas:  That man, when he dies, he will be a vampire, and that will be two of them. And then no one living in this town will be safe.

Julia:  But, Barnabas, I can’t accomplish any more at the hospital than you can.

Barnabas:  You’re a doctor. Surely they’ll let you see the man. When you see his neck, Julia, you will know at once whether or not I am right.

557 dark shadows julia barnabas meeting

So now they both have little tasks to accomplish, and they’ll meet back here at the start of tomorrow’s episode for another Junior Detectives meeting. This is basically the format of the show now.

Tomorrow: The Long, Hot Summer.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

In addition to the weird blocking and dialogue flubs mentioned above, there’s also a moment when Barnabas tells Julia, “I want you to finish some other problems that we have here.”

When Barnabas walks Julia to the door at the end of act 1, the camera is pointed too high, and you can see the studio lights above the set.

In act 2, Jeff completely loses track of his lines, sighs, and looks directly at the teleprompter for about six seconds before he can go on with the scene.

When Adam lets Professor Stokes into his room, he slams the door behind Stokes, and it bounces back open.

Tomorrow: The Long, Hot Summer.

557 dark shadows barnabas julia format

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

16 thoughts on “Episode 557: A Race of Monsters

  1. The Barnabas/Julia scene in this episode is what I show people for a quick understanding of Barnabas Collins. He’s such an egocentric irrational drama queen it’s no wonder teenagers identified with him.

    TEEN: So, you just want me to be unpopular and miserable forever!

    PARENT: No, dear, I just don’t want you crossing state lines to attend a party with a guy named Snake.

    Almost every Julia/Barnabas conversation has this dynamic, and like every momma’s boy, Barnabas usually gets his way.

    “So, you’ll let Vicki die!”

    No, Julia is merely pointing out that creating a mate for Adam will result in even more problems with no guarantee of resolving the current ones.

  2. I think that having to deal with this contrived man made monsters take over the world story is really confusing Jonathan Frid. The Vampire Angelique and upcoming Werewolf stories are exciting and suspensful but they get dragged down with this convoluted mess. I don’t care about taking over the world, things are just fine here in Collinsport..

    1. This was still a time when memories of such figures as Hitler and Stalin were still prominent in the minds of the generation from which the Dark Shadows writers emerged, as well as the horror and sci-fi movies of previous decades where such themes as creating a master race through which to achieve world domination were front and center. At the very least, this scheme reveals Nicholas to be little more than a mad scientist at heart, taking over the role vacated by Dr. Lang, which also shows him to be a narcissist and therefore susceptible to the sort of human folly that makes his character vulnerable rather than infallible.

      1. Yes – I liked Nicholas Blair and wished (as other commenters had previously mentioned) that he had a more personal backstory and history with the Collins family (especially Barnabas) so that his presence there would be that much more dramatic, ala Burke Devlin for the supernatural set. That’s why it would have been nice to see an episode or two where they go back to the past to possibly have Barnabas and Angelique interact with Nicholas during their original incarnations. Who knows maybe Nicholas himself was in love with Angelique and she tossed him aside to pursue Barnabas back in Martinique/Barbados.

  3. Frid and Hall were too professional to show it but I sensed they were both annoyed when Roger Davis marched in and started yelling. It’s kind of like how you feel when you’re at a party and the host’s five year old son throws a tantrum. Sort of an embarrassed tolerance.

  4. That is quite the game of musical chairs or is Julia trying to decide which wing chair is “just right” in the first act? Jeff Clark apparently has no problem deciding, I thought he was going to make himself at home while Barnabas and Julia stand for the evening by the desk.

  5. So, Stokes gave Barnabas an extremely valuable, rare talisman and faced Cassangelique in an attempt to end the dream curse, and these two dare to consider he has ulterior motives? Talk about ingratitude! I guess the idea that someone would take Adam in out of kindness is incomprehensible to them.

    1. I laugh every time i see the handbag. Who carries a handbag EVERYWHERE?! Walking from the big house to the old house, she needs ID?? LOLOLOL I love her and her handbags!

      1. Let me introduce you to being a woman in that era. Women wore dresses, pretty much exclusively and dresses had no pockets. After all a woman wanted to look nice at all times and a pocket with anything in them would “ruin the look”. I was a senior in high school the year DS ended and one of my classmates had to leave school on the day she wore a pantsuit to class, even though it was a rural school, which meant we got to school on buses and it was 10 degrees below zero.

        From Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantsuit

        For example, until 1993, women were not permitted to wear pantsuits (or pants of any kind) on the United States Senate floor.[ In 1993, Senators Barbara Mikulski and Carol Moseley Braun wore pants onto the floor in defiance of the rule, and female support staff followed soon after, with the rule being amended later that year by Senate Sergeant-at-Arms Martha Pope to allow women to wear pants on the floor so long as they also wore a jacket, thus allowing pantsuits, among other types of clothing.

        Hippy dippy chicks might wear jeans, but no self respecting woman would even think to wear them. If you were doing messy housework, well there were “house dresses” for that purpose. A professional like Julia would have worn dresses, full stop

        If you were a woman and you wanted to carry a wallet or keys or money or really anything, you carried your purse. God forbid, you assault anyone’s eyes by actually carrying a pad to the bathroom for your period.

        My purse was attached to my arm for close to 50 years. You didn’t leave home without it. You didn’t go out without some kind of purse. So, yeah, I buy Julia carrying her handbag everywhere for all the reasons listed above and because where else would she stash her sedatives?

  6. I’m watching DS for the first time, and reading this blog post nearly seven years after it was written, but Danny, if you still read these comments, you had me laughing through this entire post. I mean, every day you get me to laugh, but this is a classic example of perfect comedic writing. Thanks so much for this! Now, back to Superheroes Every Day.

  7. You know, I just don’t get why everyone assumes that the offspring of Adam and his manmade mate would be monsters. Seems to me they’d be ordinary human babies, since presumably they’d come into being in the usual way, what with Adam’s interest in kissing and all.

  8. An interesting episode, focusing on the dynamic between Barnabas and Julia. Oh, and there’s Julia’s great legs, as well.

  9. Please, please, why didn’t Lela Swift or one of the other directors speak to Roger Davis about using his “inside voice” in scenes like this. That screeching bark of his sets my teeth on edge. On the positive side, I love Julia’s suit and the strand of pearls interwoven with her scarf. The wardrobe dept really upped their game with Julia since the return to 1968.

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