“I had a dream. I can’t remember what it was.”
So basically Vicki is freaking the hell out, and who can blame her? Maggie’s bedroom is under siege, with a pack of vicious, snarling dogs battering at the French windows, howling for blood. Vicki and Burke are pounding on the door, desperate to save their friend.
Burke tries to break the door down with his shoulder. One! Two! Three! And they bust through the door — and find Maggie, drained, blood flowing from the bite marks on her throat. Outside, in the darkness, a triumphant dog howls with savage pleasure.
I mean, a lot of this is sound effects. But still, it’s pretty cool, yeah?
Dr. Woodard comes over to provide his usual brand of conceptual medical care. He’s not sure how it happened, but the wounds on Maggie’s neck look like bite marks, possibly from a large dog. Or from a small elephant, I guess, or a medium-sized Canadian character actor. It’s too soon to tell.
The doctor sighs and mumbles for a minute. Then he says he has to call an ambulance right away, and get Maggie to the hospital. So apparently Vicki called the doctor, he came over and examined Maggie, and now he wants an ambulance? Why didn’t they do that first?
While we’re waiting for the ambulance, Vicki, Burke and Sam sit around in the living room and recap. It turns out this is all very mysterious and perplexing.
This actually used to be what all TV dramas were like. Bad news, in real time.
Dr. Woodard comes out of Maggie’s room, and closes the door behind him. Haven’t we already covered the concept of Don’t Leave Maggie Alone in Her Room?
But we finally move to the Collinsport Hospital, where the doctor stands over Maggie’s bed and fusses around with his stethoscope, just like he’s been doing all week.
Woodard examines Maggie, while Sam does some backseat doctoring.
Sam: I think there’s a little more color in her cheeks, don’t you?
Woodard: Yeah, there could be.
Sam: Are you… a little more hopeful about that?
Yeah, dude, she’s about to win the gold medal for speed skating. Could you clear the room, please?
Then Joe comes in.
Joe: How is she?
Sam: Very weak.
Joe: She’s going to be all right, isn’t she, doctor?
Yes! Obviously everything is phenomenal. Hey, Sam, why don’t you tell him about the color in her cheeks? I’m trying to be a doctor over here.
Maggie wakes up. She can’t remember anything, which I guess is another cue for everyone to recap their heads off.
Things are going to happen soon, I promise. Let’s just get through this episode, and things are going to get crazy on Monday.
So now we’re hanging out with Sam and Joe in the waiting room. Nice ferns. We might as well pay attention to the foliage, because there is seriously nothing happening on this television show right now.
Suddenly — Maggie stiffens, and cries out. The nurse rushes to her side, and she’s horrified to discover that Maggie isn’t breathing. She checks Maggie’s pulse, and there’s no heartbeat.
The nurse goes into the hallway, calling for Dr. Woodard. He rushes into the room — and the bed is empty! Through the open window, they hear a dog howling, triumphantly.
And Maggie is gone.
Monday: Extreme Makeover.
Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
Burke hits his shoulder against Maggie’s bedroom door three times, trying to bust through. The sound effect is synced with his actions for #1 and #3.
An inappropriate music cue starts to play as Woodard examines Maggie after the opening titles. The cue is a dramatic sting, typically played at the end of a scene. It fades out quickly before it finishes.
Sam hovers over an unconscious Maggie, saying “Maggie… Open your eyes. Look at me. It’s me! Can’t you see me?” Then he remembers his line: “Can’t you hear me?”
Behind the Scenes:
The nurse is played by Frances Helm, who only appears in two episodes — this one, and Monday’s. Helm made supporting appearances on a lot of 1950s and 60s TV shows, including The Edge of Night, Perry Mason, Gunsmoke, Hazel and Kojak.
Monday: Extreme Makeover.
— Danny Horn