“Send someone to Collinwood for my medical kit, if your servants haven’t destroyed everything.”
Sky: Would you care for a glass of sherry?
Julia: No, I would not.
Sky: You don’t mind if I have one, do you?
Julia: I don’t care what you do.
Sky: Good evening, Dr. Hoffman. How nice to see you again!
(Julia stares at him.)
Sky: Of course, you don’t think so.
Julia: No, I do not. Why have I been brought here?
Sky: Now, now, doctor. No questions! You are here, and fine. Just enjoy it.
Julia: That’s impossible, Mr. Rumson.
Sky: What an impatient woman you are! Always so eager to get to the bottom of things.
(Julia kills him.)
Julia: Those men — those men that brought me here — are dead!
Sky: That should satisfy your curiosity, I would think.
Julia: I don’t know what powers you have, Mr. Rumson —
Sky: Very few, unfortunately.
Julia: — or who has the power to raise the dead. Nicholas Blair, I suspect.
(Instead of answering, he sighs, and says “but –“, and turns around to see the teleprompter.)
Julia: I suppose it would be Jeb, then.
(Julia has no time to waste on your boring line. She moves on.)
Julia: Why have I been brought here, and why are you the one to greet me, and where is Jeb Hawkes?
Sky: Oh, he’s here. Don’t worry. Jeb is here.
Julia: Is that his — his new room?
Julia: Why have you told me all this? Does that mean that you’re going to kill me?
Sky: Don’t worry, I won’t kill you if you do what I ask.
Julia: I will never tell you where Barnabas Collins’ coffin is, if that’s what you want to know.
Sky: You never stop thinking, do you, doctor?
(She keeps on thinking. Thinking is not optional for Julia.)
(She hears breathing, from the next room.)
Julia: He’s in there, in his other form!
Sky: Would you like to see what he looks like, doctor?
Julia: No. No!
(She briskly steps as far away from the door as she can, and still stay in her light.)
Sky: I believe you’re afraid.
Julia: I have seen what he does to people.
Sky: I’m sorry you’re not interested; it would make this much easier. You see, you’re going in that room, doctor.
Jeb: Thought I was going to kill you, didn’t you, doctor? Well, I may; it depends entirely on you. So play it cool.
Sky: I think you’ve confused the good doctor, Jeb.
Jeb: You can go to Collinwood. Find out if Megan’s back.
(He turns to Julia.)
Jeb: You didn’t know Megan was missing, did you, doctor?
Julia: No! No, I didn’t.
(She watched her best friend kill Megan with his teeth.)
Jeb: Somehow, I thought she might be at the Old House. But she wasn’t, no one was.
(Julia adopts a quizzical expression.)
Julia: But why would she be there?
Jeb: Why don’t you tell me?
Julia: The only reason she would be there would be if you’d sent her there.
(She stares him down. He sends Sky to Collinwood.)
Julia: Why did you let me in that room? Did you think I’d be so terrified that I’d die of shock, as Paul Stoddard did?
Jeb: No! I want you alive.
Julia: Why? What do you want of me?
Jeb: I know what you’re doing for Barnabas. You’re curing him. You did it once before.
Julia: And you — want me to stop doing it?
Jeb: If you want to help Barnabas, you’re going to help me!
(And the storyline instantly becomes more interesting. This is a service that Julia offers.)
Julia: Help you?
Jeb: You saw me in that room, didn’t you? You think I like being like that? Well, that’s it, doctor. That’s the ball game.
(She approaches him. She’s not scared of him, now. He’s not a threat, he’s a puzzle, and Julia likes solving puzzles.)
Jeb: You know I go in that room. I can’t help myself! I change into that — that —
Julia: You’ve no control over it?
Jeb: No! I mean, sure, I can hold it back for five minutes, or ten, but then I can’t. I mean, I just used to accept the way I was. I got kicks from it! But now I never want to be that again. Not since I saw a look in someone’s eyes, when she saw me like that. I don’t ever want to go to that room again.
(All right, Julia thinks. So it’s one of those.)
Julia: They make you go in there?
Jeb: Yeah, they do now.
Julia: And — and you want to be human, like us? You want to lose your powers?
(Because at this point in the series, you have to define the word “human”.)
Jeb: I don’t want my powers, I want to be human!
Jeb: I want you to help me!
Julia: I can’t help you.
Jeb: Don’t say that, please!
Julia: But I don’t understand anything about what happens to you in there! Obviously, there’s some kind of chemical change…
Jeb: Look, you didn’t know about vampires, did you?
Julia: There might be certain experiments we could make. We could try hypnosis… there might be some chemical way of prolonging the periods before you change. I don’t know.
Jeb: Just tell me that you’re willing to try, please.
Julia: If you’ll promise to do something for me, and keep your word.
Julia: Leave Barnabas Collins alone.
Jeb: All right. I’ll leave Barnabas alone.
Julia: Send someone to Collinwood for my medical kit, if your servants haven’t destroyed everything. I’ll need some blood samples, to see what can be done. I’ll have to set up a table and work here, in this house.
(And that’s it. The show is fixed, at least for today. Tomorrow, as always, is somebody else’s problem.)
Tomorrow: Wedding Crashers.
Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
There is a truly epic blooper in this episode, one of the all-time greats. In the Collinwood drawing room, Quentin sidles over to the wall, where there’s a decorative display of two crossed swords. Suddenly, he grabs one of the swords, takes it off the wall, and points it at Sky’s throat. At this point, the other sword falls off the wall and crashes to the floor, taking a lamp with it. You just get a second to see the sword wobbling above the lamp, and then the camera moves away, and you just hear the unholy SMASH! as the lamp hits the floor. They don’t make ’em like that anymore.
During the sword sequence, you can also see a big set light sitting on the floor in the foyer.
Jeb says a line twice: “Thought I was going to kill you, didn’t you, doctor? Well, I may. It all depends on you. It depends entirely on you.”
When Jeb is confessing to Julia, he says, “I don’t even — I don’t even ever want to go to that room again.”
Also, I corrected this line above — what Jeb actually said was, “Look, you did know about the vampires, didn’t you?” when he should have said “Look, you didn’t know about vampires, did you?”
Another line that I corrected: Julia says, “If you’ll promise me — to do something for me, and keep your word.”
In the credits, Geoffrey Scott is credited as Geoffery Scott, and Fashions by Ohrbach’s is misspelled Orhbach’s.
Tomorrow: Wedding Crashers.
— Danny Horn