Episode 299: A Human Life

“I’d do almost anything to continue… but I won’t sacrifice a human life.”

It’s evening at the great estate of Collinwood, and governess Victoria Winters is standing outside on the terrace, alone in the moonlight. Then the peace of the night is shattered by the vampire, Barnabas Collins, approaching silently behind her.

Except it’s not shattered at all, really. Vicki is standing there, and Barnabas walks up behind her. Instead of doing something semi-normal like saying, “Hello, Miss Winters, what a lovely night it is, don’t you sometimes think that we would all be better off if we never had to see the harsh rays of the sun” or whatever, he chooses to approach silently, and reach out to touch her somewhere in the shoulder/neck region.

This gives her the opportunity to spin around with an alarmed shriek, and then we crash into the titles.

299 dark shadows vicki barnabas

After that, obviously, he apologizes for startling her, and we go on with the scene. It’s a bit early in the game for me to suggest that this is one of the most contrived teasers in Dark Shadows history, because we’ve got another four years and there are plenty more weak moments coming up, but it’s pretty damn contrived.

If they plan on making a scary television show, then they need to come up with scarier moments than that.

299 dark shadows vicki terrace

But hey, it’s a new set! And it’s gorgeous, a super romantic evening set with roses and vines and a bubbling water feature. This is the first new set that they’ve made since they switched to color last week, and they really made it look special. The blue-gray of the stones against the soft pink of the windows… This would have looked dark and boring in black and white, but in color it’s soft and lovely.

299 dark shadows vicki barnabas terrace

So it’s the perfect ambience for Barnabas to try out some more of his vampire pickup lines.

We get “listen to the silence,” and some “I prefer the darkness to the daylight.” He trots out the old favorite about “the gentle rays of the moon” versus “the violence of the sun,” and this time it actually gets some traction.

He closes with, “Imagine what it would be like to exist only at night, only when the world is at peace. It would be a lifetime of moonlight.”

299 dark shadows vicki julia barnabas

And then Julia says, “Are you interested in antiques?” No, wait, that was yesterday’s mood-breaking interruption, but it’s basically the same thing.

All of a sudden the lifetime of moonlight is a little more crowded, and Vicki goes inside.

299 dark shadows julia barnabas alone

Things get a little chilly out on the terrace.

Julia:  I thought you were going to leave her alone.

Barnabas:  It’s no concern of yours.

Julia:  It would concern you, if I decide not to cooperate with you.

Barnabas:  You won’t make that decision. Your experiments mean too much to you.

Julia:  Yes… I’d do almost anything to continue them. But I won’t sacrifice a human life.

Barnabas:  There’s no question of that. Miss Winters and I are only friends.

Julia:  You can never be any more than friends. Never.

299 dark shadows barnabas julia mad

And man, look at her. She’s so angry that she’s literally baring her teeth at him. This is about more than just the cellular structure of his arterial system.

Now, there’s a creation myth about Julia’s character, which is that Grayson Hall decided on her own that she was going to play Julia falling in love with Barnabas. That’s what Grayson told everyone, for years and years, whenever anybody asked her about Dark Shadows. Here’s a quote from The Dark Shadows Companion:

“I had never even told [executive producer Dan Curtis], but the audience picked up on it and wrote in their approval. We were in the same predicament, they and I, both in love with the vampire, and both unable to tell him or show him. I was with Barnabas, talking to him, being with him, touching him, and they sensed it. My mail got too good for D.C. to kill me, so I stayed on.”

It’s a great story, especially because it appeals to the audience’s secret belief that the actors really are the characters that they play. We love to believe that, especially for daytime soap opera characters, who we spend time with every day.

But really, everybody who watches television believes that the characters are real. That’s why we love to hear about unscripted moments that were invented during rehearsal. As intelligent adults, we understand that writers and directors and producers create the characters, and then the actors show up and say the words. But there’s a little child inside of us, who wants to be told that Julia Hoffman is real, and she lives inside Grayson Hall.

299 dark shadows barnabas julia roses

So Grayson said that she invented Julia’s attachment to Barnabas, and we believed it, especially in the 70s and 80s when the show mostly existed in people’s memories.

That creation myth was so powerful that we still believe it now, even though we can watch the episodes and see that it’s obviously not true.

Up until today, Grayson has been playing Julia like a stone-cold scientist ice princess, who only cares about test tubes and doesn’t understand the true meaning of love. Check out Monday’s episode — yes, they’re sparring, but in a competitive way; they’re fighting for control of the project. There’s no hint of flirtation.

And today, the next time they see each other, they’re standing on the most romantic set the show has ever had, and they’re doing a love triangle scene. I’m pretty sure Grayson didn’t just walk onto the set and go rogue. She read the script, she interpreted the subtext correctly, and she played the scene.

299 dark shadows julia yearning

Obviously, that’s not a criticism of Grayson Hall or her performance. Her character just got a very serious upgrade today, and that’s entirely due to Grayson’s skill and charisma.

I completely agree with the basic framework of the creation myth — they thought this would be a short-term character, but then Grayson was amazing, and Julia suddenly became one of the most important characters on the show. The one thing that I think is inaccurate is the idea that Grayson personally invented the love triangle with Barnabas.

Although it totally makes sense that Grayson remembered it that way. Julia was basically a weird novelty character in her first episode, completely different from any other character on the show. Two months later, she’s right in the middle of the most compelling storyline.

299 dark shadows julia vicki android

So let’s see what Julia does next, because obviously that’s the only question worth asking in the entire world. She goes upstairs to Vicki’s room, and knocks on the door. Vicki lets her in.

Vicki:  Was there something you wanted?

Julia:  No, I just wondered if there was anything I could do to help you get ready for your date.

And Julia flashes her a big, fake smile, as if the sentence that she just said was the kind of thing that any human being would ever possibly say.

Vicki:  How kind of you. There is something you can do.

Julia:  Oh, what’s that?

Vicki:  You can help me decide which dress to wear. I can’t choose between these two.

Julia keeps smiling, because people are watching, and she’s already said that she won’t sacrifice a human life. But you know that on the inside, she’s having a Marvin the Paranoid Android moment: Here I am, a brain the size of a planet, and she’s asking me to help her choose between two dresses. It makes you want to cry.

299 dark shadows julia vicki advice

But, obviously, Julia has a plan. She chooses a set of her most sincere-looking facial expressions.

Julia:  Vicki — I don’t want to presume, but I wonder if you’d mind if I gave you a bit of advice.

Vicki:  No, what is it?

Julia:  Well, I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation with Barnabas Collins on the terrace, and his invitation to the Old House.

Vicki:  What about it?

Julia:  I think it would be wise… if you didn’t go.

Vicki:  Why?

Julia:  Oh, because of Mr. Collins, and the kind of man he is.

Vicki:  I don’t understand.

Yes, Julia says on the inside, I know you don’t understand. That’s why I’m trying not to use words that are longer than two syllables.

299 dark shadows julia vicki

But don’t worry, she’s got it under control.

Julia:  I’ve been working rather closely with Mr. Collins these past weeks, and I’ve gotten to know him fairly well. He’s — oh, how can I say — he’s a very sensitive person.

Vicki:  Yes, he is, but…

Julia:  Sensitive people are very easily hurt.

Vicki:  I still don’t follow you.

Oh-kay, says Julia. I really have to break this down for you.

299 dark shadows julia young attractive girl

Julia sighs.

Julia:  Surely the situation should be obvious. Barnabas Collins is a bachelor, and lonely. You’re a young, attractive girl. Is it so hard to guess at what I’m hinting at?

Vicki:  You mean that… that he thinks of me as… more than a friend?

299 dark shadows julia so close to slapping you

Oh my god, Julia thinks. I am so close to slapping you right now

Julia:  Is that so unlikely?

Vicki:  Oh, I’m sure that you’re wrong!

Julia:  I assure you, I’m not.

Vicki:  But he’s never given me any indication! He’s always treated me as a friend.

By the way, a little preview: Burke is going to stand with Vicki on that moonlight-drenched terrace in tomorrow’s episode, and he’s going to propose to her, and she’s going to act like it’s a complete, mind-bending surprise.

I’m not sure if the writers specifically intend for her character to have an autism-spectrum disorder, or if it’s just standard equipment for soap opera heroines to have no insight into other people’s feelings or motives.

299 dark shadows julia vicki winning

And that’s the transformative power of Grayson Hall’s performance. She started out two months ago as Maggie’s weird doctor. Now she’s in a love triangle with the show’s main character, and she’s winning.

Barnabas may not be in love with her yet, and in fact, he’s going to spend the next four years chasing a long series of disappointing women. But the audience is in love with her. How could we not be?

Tomorrow: The Other Woman.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

When Burke is talking to Julia in the drawing room, he forgets his line and looks straight into the camera for it. He starts up again with the phrase “It seems to me…” and then pauses. He continues, “It seems to me… that that sort of thing… is very bad for her.”

Behind the Scenes:

299 dark shadows julia petofi box

On her way to Vicki’s room, Julia passes by a prop that Dark Shadows fans know as the Petofi box. That won’t mean much until we get to the late 1969 episodes, but I’m just flagging it here. She even looks at it.

Tomorrow: The Other Woman.

299 dark shadows julia cigarette

Dark Shadows episode guide – 1967

— Danny Horn

19 thoughts on “Episode 299: A Human Life

  1. Any guy (definitely those of us who watch DS) can relate to Barnabas’s clear infatuation with a young woman who is clueless to our feelings. Yes, Vicki, Barnabas has only ever treated you like a friend who gives you family heirlooms as gifts and asks you to dress up as the woman he idolizes and whose room he painstakingly recreated.

    This is why I prefer the original series Barnabas/Vicki relationship to the one in the 1991 revival. The latter was requited passion, but the former certainly connects more to the geeky kid watching who is, as Julia says, a “sensitive person.”

  2. I must disagree. I don’t get any romantic vibe from Julia’s scenes in this episode. She’s still all about science and worried that Vicki, as a potential new Josette, will muck it up for her. I don’t think she had any personal interest in Barnabas until Dave Woodard plants the idea in her head some episodes later. That’s when Grayson starts playing the “she loves him” aspect. Julia even gives a very obvious “OK. Why not?” look at the end of her scene with Dave.

    1. I agree. I’m getting that Julia just doesn’t want the Vicki connection to screw things up. And as ruthless as Julia is, I think she’s sincere that she doesn’t want Barnabas to kill Vicki — she obviously thinks that infatuation leads to biting which leads to death or some kind of destruction.

  3. Sigh. Here I was hoping that Vicki was actually falling for Barnabas — as I think any sensible heterosexual woman would. Autism-spectrum disorder is the perfect description of what ails her.

  4. Personally,I can’t stand that set. Probably that’s partly because it’s like a forewarning of something odious like a love scene with Vicki and Burke, or something involving Roger Davis.

  5. The scene with Vicki and Julia seems a lot like the scene in The Sound Of Music between Maria and the Baroness, maybe that’s why I get a romantic subtext from the scene, like Julia’s trying to dissuade Vicki because she wants Barnabas for herself.

    Best line – Burke telling Vicki that he likes it best when they don’t say anything at all. OH, YES!

    Is this really the first kiss Burke has given Vicki? (And oh, please, that did NOT need to be in tight close up! And then, twice more, snogging away!)

    Still unclear on vampire powers, or maybe DS still doesn’t want to use the ‘V’ word, even imply it – shouldn’t Barnabas just materialise in Vicki’s room, instead of sneaking down the hallway and using the door?

    1. John Barnabas could have read up on “macking” a woman. Barnabas…dude…you dont go and sneak up on a woman like your gonna bite her if you want to date her initially. And your discussion with Willie I know inflated your massive ego, when he told you, loneliness trumps all. You talking about how its not to nice grow old…man you are dead!…what are you talking about?

    2. THE SOUND OF MUSIC was such a big hit, so fresh in people’s minds in 1967, and the way the actors are positioned on this new set looks so much like it that I can’t believe the resonance wasn’t intentional. I don’t know if that means that the Barnabas/ Vicki/ Julia love triangle was already intentional at this point on the part of the writers, but it is strong evidence that it was on the part of director Lela Swift.

  6. This is our first look at Julia’s other super power. Along with her ability to block your memory she also is a champion suck-blocker. She appears to swoop in just in the nick of time to shrink Barnabas’ fangs and put him in his place.

  7. Re: Julia, quote from above: “Barnabas may not be in love with her yet, and in fact, he’s going to spend the next four years chasing a long series of disappointing women. But the audience is in love with her. How could we not be?” Well, HERE’S one audience member who’s NEVER been “in love with” Dr. Julia Hoffman or almost any other character Grayson Hall played on DS (except for maybe Magda). I’ve found her characters to usually be one level below 1795’s Abigail Collins on the “sanctimonious busybody” scale. But I agree that Grayson was a good actress; why else would I dislike her characters so much? (lol!) The main reason I ran home from middle school to watch DS every afternoon? I was also in love with Barnabas Collins … and still am. ;-D

  8. What’s truly astounding is how utterly and completely Julia has taken over Collinwood. She prances around like she owns the place, schedules meetings with all of the other characters, interrupts love trysts and passionate kisses, and is basically calling the shots, even helping the governess pick out her dresses. One would think that Elizabeth or even Caroline would be like, “What’s up with this chick?” They just recently evicted another bossy house guest, Jason McGuire, and here they are saddled with another.

    You can tell the costume department is really enjoying dressing the cast in the new era of IN LIVING COLOR. The color palette has been really a joy to watch and the new outside set actually does work well for them. It feels like there’s a little more money coming into the budget about as maybe they are seeing the ratings uptick to merit it.

    I hope that the whole Burke-Vicki romance thing gets moved backstage soon as it is painfully difficult to dedicate one’s time to watching something so execrable.

    And we need to lose the Barnabas coming over late at night to bite Vicki only to lose his nerve and turn on the friggin’ music box again (are we ever to be rid of it??) You can only pull that set-up piece so many times before it become de rigeur.

  9. Agree that the advent of color really seems to have brightened up the wardrobes for the ladies – it’s actually beginning to look like 1967 instead of 1957. Even Liz looks a tad more stylish. On the other hand, that hideous olive drab suit Julia’s wearing looks like it was made from an old rug. And the shoes! Prison matron specials.

    Speaking of clothing, it’s apparently warm enough for Vicki to stand outside in a light sleeveless dress but Casanova Collins is still wearing his inverness cape.

  10. New Burke has no game! He has met Vicki for drinks before but never kissed her? He thinks of buying a house for/with her before that first kiss? Old Burke made people tremble. He had Carolyn in the palm of his hand. He demanded his lackeys earn their money with speed and precision. New Burke likes it best when they (he and Vicki) don’t say anything at all. He must be a very exciting and fun date!

  11. Julia Hoffman is real, and she lives inside Grayson Hall.

    Yes…. that’s right

    They are all real! Otherwise, why would I spend hours watching them and reading this blog!

  12. The fashion of the 60s is so good in this series. With the exception of Vicky’s orange balloon dress in this episode. Ugh

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