Episode 278: Of Course! A Costume Party!

Joe Caldwell, July 1967, , ,

“I have things for you to do, other than to make preposterous statements.”

Two days ago, Barnabas killed Willie’s best friend, and then grabbed Willie by the throat and made him bury the corpse in an unmarked grave. Today, Willie is helping Barnabas unpack vintage dresses from a trunk, and they’re making plans for their upcoming costume party.

This must be one of those Great Moments in Human Resources, because the improvement in Willie’s workplace environment is simply off the charts. I know that working in the service industry can be unpredictable, but that’s got to be one of the fastest turnarounds in history.

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Episode 277: Around the Sun

July 1967, Malcolm Marmorstein, , , ,

“We will relive a moment out of the past.”

Willie finds Barnabas pacing around Josette’s room.

“I knew you’d be up here,” Willie says. “You’ve been spending a lot of time up here.”

“I’ve been thinking about many things,” says Barnabas, but he’s got a guilty look on his face, like a teenager when Mom asks why he’s been spending so much time in the bathroom lately.

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Episode 276: Crime Scenes

July 1967, Ron Sproat, , , , ,

“Your friend? But you told me he tried to kill you.”

Today’s episode kicks off with an interesting milestone — it’s the first time Barnabas Collins kills somebody. There was that business with the cows early on, and lately he’s been snacking on the locals, but those have all been off-screen and apparently non-fatal. After three months, this is the first bona fide vampire kill, and happily, it’s a character that everybody in the audience wanted dead anyway.

Now, technically we don’t see the actual murder on screen. A hand grabs Jason’s throat, and then there’s the opening titles. When we come back, Jason is dead on the floor.

So we don’t see the specific moment when Barnabas actually chokes the life out of the dude. But that’s probably for the best, because it’s the middle of July, it’s 3:30 in the afternoon, and there are children watching. Suddenly, this dull soap opera has transformed into a daily half-hour horror movie, so they’re still feeling their way around, tone-wise.

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Episode 275: The Last Normal Day

July 1967, Ron Sproat, , ,

“Then it’s over! It’s all over!”

So, you know that blackmail storyline where Liz had to do everything that Jason said, because otherwise she’d go to prison and her daughter would hate her forever?

Well, guess what? Liz finally told everybody that she killed Paul, and now she’s going to prison, and her daughter hates her forever.

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Episode 274: The Bachelor

July 1967, Malcolm Marmorstein,

“Wherever I am, I’ll be laughing at you, Vicki Winters, and don’t you forget it.”

In the Old House drawing room, Willie is lighting some candles as Barnabas comes downstairs.

“You’ve been up there a long time,” Willie says.

Barnabas replies, “I wasn’t aware of time.”

Then the guy who wasn’t aware of time looks out of the window, and says, “The sun sets, and the sun rises. If only night could become eternal, the blackness with us always.”

In other words: Ladies and gentlemen, will you please put your hands together and welcome back our returning champion, Barnabas Collins!

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Episode 273: All These Years

Joe Caldwell, July 1967, , ,

“I’ve been a prisoner because of this room!”

I’ve noticed a bunch of new readers showing up on the site this week, which is fantastic, but not necessarily the best timing. This is the final week of the last non-supernatural storyline, and it’s taking a minute to wrap up. The last time we saw the vampire was over a week ago, and all he did was talk to Liz about suicide.

So, new readers — stick around! The vampire comes back tomorrow, and next week he’s going to throw a costume party. Seriously, that’s the next storyline.

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Episode 272: Bourne Yesterday

Joe Caldwell, July 1967, , , , ,

“I seem to remember doing time for a certain manslaughter charge.”

Personally, I don’t watch a lot of police procedurals. In my opinion, if there’s a crime on a TV show, they should either tell us who did it, or just admit that they don’t know and stop wasting everybody’s time.

So there’s a lot that I don’t know about how a police investigation should run. But even I know enough to say that pretty much everything that they do in today’s episode is wrong, and every character who appears on screen ought to be brought up on charges, up to and including the sheriff.

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Episode 271: I Killed Paul Stoddard

Joe Caldwell, July 1967, ,

“I killed Paul Stoddard, and that man was my accomplice!”

We open this week with everybody standing in a line and facing forward. On Friday, Liz interrupted her wedding with Jason to confess that she killed her first husband. Now everyone has to stay very still, because there isn’t enough room for them all to react on camera.

They don’t usually have seven characters in the same scene, and this is why. They’ve only got three cameras. They’re using one for the front of the room, one for the side, and the third is dedicated to helping us keep track of the handgun Carolyn just dropped on the floor.

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Episode 270: Here Comes the Bride

Joe Caldwell, July 1967, , ,

“I think that’s where I’ll go for my honeymoon. I think I’ll go crazy!”

It’s the next morning, and Carolyn is rummaging in Jason’s room. Apparently, this is one of those episodes that features people rummaging. She finds a locked journal, cuts it open, and scans the pages. Then Jason enters the room, and finds her there. Rummaging is not for everyone.

But today is a happy occasion for us all, because after weeks of swimming in circles, the grand day has arrived — Elizabeth and Jason’s wedding day.

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Episode 269: Loving the Monster

July 1967, Malcolm Marmorstein, , , , , ,

“You’re doing a wrong thing!”

Comforting thoughts, courtesy of Dark Shadows: Any time you think you’re having a run of bad luck, think of Elizabeth at this moment. She’s being blackmailed into marrying a man that she despises, and the only way out is to throw herself off the cliff at the top of Widows’ Hill. And who shows up to talk her down off the ledge? Her screeching, judgemental, charm-free governess, Victoria Winters.

But I’m sure it’ll work out, because there’s no sense of real threat here. I don’t care how many times Liz walks up to the edge; there’s not a single person in the audience who honestly believes that she’s going to jump. Even if you don’t watch a lot of soap operas, anybody can spot this as a narrative dead end. It’s just not going to happen.

So, for me, the real question is: Why do I love this show so much, when I can’t stand the main character?

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