“They’re like an organization — they’re evil, Liz! Terribly evil!”
They blew into town a month ago, and started making noise. A bunch of trouble boys, call themselves the Leviathans. There’s something squirrely about ’em, I know that much.
It’s all tied up with the Stoddard family, up on the hill, especially Carolyn. These guys have plans for Carolyn, big plans, and by the time they’re done, they’re gonna give the human race a sock in the kisser.
So Carolyn’s in the antique shop with Megan, see? And then this kid muscles down the stairs, name of Alexander Todd.
Yeah, get a look at him. It’s guys like this that cause all the trouble. Thousands of guys have got guns, there’s only one Alexander.
Megan makes with the introductions, and the kid gives Carolyn the up and down. You can see why, she’s a snappy-looking dish. He’s never seen a broad like her before, and he goes for her in a big way.
Carolyn wants to know where he came from, so Megan throws her a line of bull. “Alex is Philip’s nephew,” she says. “Philip took the baby back to my sister’s earlier today. Then he went to his brother’s, to pick up Alex.”
It’s the bunk, natch, nothing but a cheap flim flam, but Carolyn thinks it’s on the square. She’s not wise to the Todds yet; you never get the straight dope from these rats.
Megan says Alex can go upstairs and cool his heels, but nothing doing. Nobody’s going to plan for this mob but Alex, you get me?
So he sticks around, plays nice with the antiques. He’s sure got it bad for this skirt.
Digging through the box, Alex gloms onto an African mask, and shoves it over his map.
Behind the face furniture, he gets all kicked up, and starts chasing Carolyn around the shop. He’s growling, she’s laughing. He’s got it all figured out, this guy. I guess sometimes the doorbell rings, and the whole setup is right there in the room with you.
But then Carolyn gets on the blower, and playtime is kaput. Some palooka called Grant is in a tight spot, and she’s gotta hold his hand till the heat’s off.
So she’s gotta beat feet, which puts Alex exactly nowhere. He thought he had it cold, all wrapped up in tissue paper with pink ribbons around it. Now it’s nothing but a flop.
Alex says he doesn’t want her to go, and Megan chuckles, “Carolyn, I think he’s jealous!”
Carolyn laughs. “Well, I couldn’t be more flattered!” So she leans down, and plants a kiss on him. “Goodbye, Alex. You and I are going to be seeing quite a lot of each other!”
Sure, she ankles, but he’s over the moon. She likes him! This is gonna be duck soup. What did I tell ya? Alexander’s got the only game in town.
Megan’s gotta head upstairs, so she asks Alex to take charge of the shop. Yeah, scram, he says. Make yourself scarce. He parks himself at the desk, and waits for something new to walk in.
And then some gink breezes into the joint, and who do you think it is? It’s Paul Stoddard, Carolyn’s old man.
Alex sneers. “May I help you?”
“Are you the only one here?”
“I see. Well, I’m looking for Carolyn Stoddard.”
“She isn’t here.”
“Well, now, do you know when she would be back?”
And then the kid clams up, and makes it plain they’re through.
“I see, well,” Stoddard says. “In that case, I’ll just wait, if it’s all right.”
Alex says, yeah, go climb up your thumb. Then he just sits there, and looks at Stoddard like he wants to paste him one.
Stoddard tries to break the ice. “Well, I haven’t seen you before. I knew the Todds had a little baby, but I didn’t know about you. I’m Carolyn’s father.”
Yeah, Alex says, what’s that gotta do with the price of eggs?
“You wouldn’t happen to know where Carolyn went, would you?”
But Alex keeps his trap shut. He ain’t in the mood to jaw all day, he’s got business.
Stoddard starts sweating bullets, this is getting to him. Alex is really doing a number on this sap.
Megan comes back downstairs, and there’s Stoddard, just standing around loose.
“He’s waiting for Carolyn,” Alex says.
“She went to visit someone at the hospital,” says Megan. “She won’t be too long. Make yourself comfortable.”
Stoddard says thank you, but Alexander isn’t playing ball. He just looks at the guy, like he’s saying, what’s the matter, Stoddard, don’t ya know how to open the door? Just put your hand on the knob, and pull.
So Alex gets up, and walks over to the calendar. He tears off a page, and then he draws a red circle around January 15th.
This gets Stoddard all twisted up. “Why did you do that?” he says. “Why?”
Alex shoots him a grin. “That’s when my birthday is. You wanna come to my party? Carolyn’s gonna be there.”
Stoddard can’t believe what he’s seeing, but Alex just looks at him, thinking, do I have to draw you a diagram?
And I guess Stoddard can’t take it. That’s it for him; he gets yellow, and makes a break for the door.
All right then, scram, Alex says. Get outta here, go on home. But remember, you’re in this up to the neck. You’re gonna ride this all the way to the end of the line, and it’s a one-way trip.
He stares out the window, and watches Stoddard make tracks down the street.
Yeah, he says. That’s right, you bum. If you want me, you’re gonna have to come and get me!
Tomorrow: Barnabas v Julia: Dawn of Justice.
Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
The phone rings, interrupting Alex as he chases Carolyn around. There’s a shot of Alex taking the mask away from his face, and then we cut to Carolyn. She’s looking directly at the camera, waiting for her cue to pick up the phone.
Barnabas tells Liz, “The man is still on the critical list, but Julia Hoffman seems to be convinced that he’ll recover.” Why does he need to say Julia’s full name to Liz?
Paul tells Liz that Carolyn is in danger, “here in Collinwood.” He means Collinsport.
Behind the Scenes:
Alexander is played by David Jay, who appears in six episodes. IMDb is a little confused about David, who I believe did not appear in an episode of Hunter as COSMIC Agent 1 in 1967. Hunter was made in Australia and David was six at the time, so I suspect that IMDb is getting him mixed up with somebody else called David Jay. The same goes for Division 4, Winners and Hard Knuckle, which were also made in Australia.
David’s real credits, as far as I can figure, are an appearance on the CBS soap Love Is a Many Splendored Thing in 1972, and a voice credit for the Rankin-Bass special The Little Drummer Boy Book II in 1976. Then he went back in time, moved to Australia and started his career over again.
The traveling afghan makes another appearance today, in Paul’s hotel room. We last saw it two weeks ago in Megan and Philip’s room.
Tomorrow: Barnabas v Julia: Dawn of Justice.
— Danny Horn