“We have both faltered, Edward, and a mad child has finally done our work for us.”
Kitty: Ah! Good evening, Edward.
Edward: Good evening, Kitty.
Kitty: What a dump!
(Edward ignores her.)
Kitty: Hey, what’s that from? “What a dump!”
Edward: How would I know?
Kitty: Oh, come on, what’s it from? You know. What’s it from, for Chrissake!
Edward: What’s what from?
Kitty: I just told you. I just did it. “What a dump!” Huh? What’s that from?
Edward: I haven’t the faintest idea.
Kitty: Dumbbell. It’s from some damn Bette Davis picture, some goddamn Warner Brothers epic.
Edward: Kitty, I can’t remember all the pictures that came out of Warner Brothers.
Kitty: I’m not asking you to remember every goddamn Warner Brothers epic. Just one. Just one single little epic, that’s all.
Quentin: What do you know about Amanda?
Angelique: That you think you’re in love with her.
Quentin: I don’t think, I know it!
Angelique: Well, isn’t that a little inconvenient, when you’re going to marry me?
Quentin: Angelique… I tried very hard to care about you, and I would have gone through with our bargain, I really would have — if I hadn’t met Amanda.
Angelique: I wouldn’t get on that train if I were you.
Quentin: What are you going to do, kill me? That’s a laugh.
Angelique: You’re looking for a punch in the mouth, you know that?
Quentin: Don’t touch me.
Angelique: Why not? We’re engaged. And we’re going to be married! And then you can get on any train you like, with me.
Quentin: I’m not going anywhere with you.
Angelique: Yes, you are. You’re going back to Collinwood, and plan our wedding day!
Quentin: Doesn’t it bother you that I detest you?
Angelique: Yes, of course it bothers me. But you’ll get over that.
Kitty: I know that I wasn’t alone. Someone… watching me. Watching every move I made, and never took their eyes off me!
Edward: Oh, it must have been some stranger, who took a wrong turn!
Kitty: No, it was no stranger! I have a feeling that it was someone who knew me — knew me very well.
Edward: How very curious!
Kitty: Who is that?
Edward: It’s Quentin’s fiancee, Miss DuBois. Come on in, kids. Just hand your coat and stuff to ol’ sourpuss here.
Quentin: Perhaps we shouldn’t have come.
Angelique: Yes, yes, it is late, and —
Edward: Late! Are you kidding? Just throw your stuff down any place, and come on in.
Kitty: YOU! You were in the woods watching me; you’ve always watched me! Always spied on me! Well, you won’t spy on me anymore!
(Kitty lunges at Angelique, choking her.)
Quentin: Violence! Violence!
Edward: Stop that!
(Edward separates them, hurling them both to the floor.)
Kitty: All right… very quiet now. We’ll all be… very quiet.
Angelique: (gasping for breath) Murderer!
Edward: Okay, that’s enough!
(Roadhouse Manager enters.)
Manager: All right, what’s the trouble in here?
Edward: Ah, nothing. No trouble. Just — playing a game.
Kitty: What happened?
Quentin: Don’t you remember?
Kitty: I — I remember being in the woods, and I was — I was terribly frightened. Someone was watching me!
Quentin: You accused Angelique of watching you.
Edward: Quentin’s fiancee. I was introducing you, and you tried to strangle her.
Kitty: I tried to strangle her? I can’t believe it!
Edward: Well, there are other games we could play. We’re through with Humiliate the Host, and we don’t want to play Hump the Hostess yet, so I know what we’ll do. How about a little round of Get the Guests? How about that?
Quentin: I think I know why she did that.
Angelique: Oh, you do.
Quentin: Mm hmm.
Quentin: The hate I feel for you was somehow transferred to her mind, and she suddenly hated you enough to kill you.
Angelique: What an interesting theory.
Quentin: Yes, love?
Angelique: Why didn’t you want to kiss me?
Quentin: Well, dear, if I kissed you, I’d get all excited. I’d get beside myself, and then I’d have to take you by force, right here on the living room rug, and our little guests would walk in, and then what would your father say about that?
Angelique: I would like a brandy.
Quentin: God, you can swill it down, can’t you?
Angelique: Please. After all, I’m still a little shaken from my close encounter with death.
Quentin: Too bad she didn’t succeed! I’d be free.
Angelique: Well, she didn’t. And you might as well face the fact that you’ll never be free. So learn to love your jailer.
(Quentin hands her the drink.)
Angelique: Thank you. Just one more thing. The wedding. Any time this week will be fine.
Quentin: A week from tonight, then. That’ll put it off as long as possible.
Angelique: I swear, if you existed, I’d divorce you.
Kitty: Edward, ever since I’ve come to Collinwood, I’ve been saying and doing things that I simply don’t understand. Perhaps it would be best if I went away.
Edward: You mustn’t, Kitty!
Kitty: Oh, Edward, I cannot go on like this.
Kitty: You’re no better than anybody else.
Edward: I think I am.
Kitty: Well, you’re certainly a flop in some departments.
Edward: What’d you say?
Kitty: I said, you certainly are a flop in some departments!
Edward: Boy, you’re something. You know that? I mean, you’re really something. You know, to you, everybody’s a flop. Your husband’s a flop, I’m a flop —
Kitty: You’re all flops. I am the earth mother, and you are all flops.
Angelique: Then we’ll have an informal ceremony. It’s a shame it has to be such a small wedding. I’ll be a beautiful bride.
Quentin: And I’ll be a miserable, unhappy groom!
Angelique: Oh, Quentin… why must you throw away your love on that nobody? A mousy little type, without any hips or anything.
Edward: I don’t like the way you treat that girl! I don’t understand your attitude about your marriage.
Quentin: My attitude is my concern, not yours!
Edward: That girl has suffered enough because of this family. I don’t want her to suffer any more!
Quentin: What do you mean?
Edward: If you recall — she was victimized by Barnabas Collins!
Quentin: Oh, that’s right.
Edward: And she comes home from a hard day at the grocery store…
Quentin: She works in a grocery store?
Edward: She’s a housewife. She buys things. And she comes home with the groceries, and she walks into the modest living room of the modest cottage Joseph Cotten has set her up in, and she comes in, and she puts her groceries down, and she says, “What a dump!”
Edward: She’s discontent.
Edward: Well, what’s the name of the picture?
Tomorrow: Head Games.
Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:
When Kitty approaches Edward in the drawing room, some mist from the train station set is blowing in from the left.
Angelique asks, “Quentin, must you… why must you throw away your love on that nobody?”
Edward reminds Quentin that Angelique was victimized by Barnabas, and Quentin snarls, “Oh, that’s right. So — so diz, huh? Well, brother, may that be as it is.”
In the dream, Kitty/Josette says that the poem is beautiful. As the camera pulls in on Angelique, you can hear Kitty turn and run back to her bedroom set.
Following the dream, when Kitty reaches out to pick up the book, a fly lands on her hand.
Tomorrow: Head Games.
— Danny Horn