Episode 728: The Pacer

“I understand a great many things, including her desire to kill you!”

Quentin says, “A lot has happened while you were away, dear brother,” and isn’t that the truth. Dark Shadows has been sprinting through plot points for weeks now, and if you need to catch up on current events, this is all the help you’re going to get.

“One night, my dear wife escaped from wherever you had her locked up. She found me in the cottage. Well, you can imagine how surprised I was at seeing her. But that was nothing, compared to how I felt when she put the knife in my chest.”

Edward cries, “Good heavens!” and Quentin just smiles, because Quentin is magical and lives entirely on surprise. “Rather shocking, isn’t it?” he says. “You know, at one point I was actually declared dead?”

“Dead?” gasps Edward, horrified. “Yes,” Quentin says, “but let’s spare the grisly details,” and then he just starts talking about something else.

723 dark shadows carl quentin zombie

Now, as you’ll recall, Quentin wasn’t just “declared” dead last week. Dude was dead. Like, burn magic herbs to lure the zombie back to his casket dead. Like, bury him and pour cement on his grave dead. You don’t see a lot of people walk away from that kind of dead.

So anybody who watched the show knows how dead Quentin was; that’s the only thing anybody talked about all week. But if you happened to miss Monday’s resurrection scene, then you’re probably hoping for a more detailed recap than “let’s spare the grisly details.”

In fact, that’s not a recap at all; it’s the anti-recap — specifically bringing up the thing that you missed, and then not telling you what happened. It’s a violation of everything that Dark Shadows used to stand for, up until a couple months ago.

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Now that I think about it, even if you did catch Monday’s episode, you might have missed the explanation. Here’s the only conversation anybody had about Quentin’s recovery.

Quentin:  That man — Reverend Trask — he was my savior?

Barnabas:  Apparently.

Quentin:  But you don’t believe it.

Barnabas:  I didn’t say that.

Quentin:  Cousin Barnabas — do give me some credit. Who do you think saved me?

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Barnabas:  Well, I’m sure Judith —

Quentin:  I know what she would say! I want to know your explanation of my sudden, miraculous return to life.

Barnabas:  You dabble in… odd things. Perhaps one of your “interests” resulted in this.

Quentin:  Delicately put. What an interesting life I’ve had, don’t you think?

Barnabas:  I’m beginning to find out just how interesting.

And that’s it; that’s the only thing they’ve said as of press time. Quentin dabbles in odd things. That’s an anti-recap if I ever saw one.

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Now, if you’ve been watching faithfully, and paying attention, and taking notes, and you own the box set, and you’ve got Dark Shadows Wiki open on your iPad, and you’ve already watched the entire series three times, then you can probably guess that they’re referring to Angelique, the sorcerous soap vixen who was responsible for raising Quentin as a zombie in the first place.

But they don’t actually say that, and it’s not necessarily the only way to interpret this conversation. Angelique hasn’t been on the show for a week now, and nobody’s even been talking about her. In fact, given all the insane things that have happened on the show in the last few weeks, Angelique hardly even stands out.

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And it’s getting harder to tell which story threads we’re meant to be paying attention to. Today’s episode opens with Barnabas biting Charity Trask, a brand new character who was just introduced yesterday.

They have one of those weird post-fantasy-metaphor-sexual-assault vampire scenes, where the victim swears to help and protect the guy who just raped her, because that’s what happens after you rape somebody, and then he says good night, and that’s it.

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The next thing you know, it’s morning, and they do another one of the standard post-vampire-bite scenes, where the victim feels a little weak and complains about how bright the sun is.

Charity walks outside, shading her eyes from the glare, and then we don’t see her again for two weeks. So if you thought this episode was going to be about yesterday’s big vampire bite cliffhanger, then sorry, the show has other things on its mind. Maybe we can interest you in a girl sitting at a desk and drawing Egyptian hieroglyphics with a crayon.

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That’s another thing that’s going on right now, coming out of approximately nowhere. Edward and Quentin are in the middle of their anti-recap conversation, when they’re interrupted by young Nora, who wants to use the desk to draw a picture.

And that’s how impossible the show has become — the guys have to stop their plot-related conversation and walk over to the drawing room set, so the little girl can sit here and mess around with crayons. This is not typically a thing that television shows do.

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And the crazy thing is that this is setting up a story thread that’s completely separate from both the Barnabas-biting-Charity story and the how-Quentin-came-back-to-life story.

I could also list off a whole other set of independent story threads going on right now, like Quentin’s marriage to Jenny, and Rachel’s backstory with Reverend Trask, and how Barnabas is going to prevent Quentin from haunting the family in 1969.

The audience watching this show every afternoon needs to keep a lot of different stories in mind at the same time, and there are very few clues to help you figure out which ones to pay attention to. Nora drawing hieroglyphics could turn out to be the biggest game-changer of the entire series, or they might just forget all about it and go over to the Old House to see what the gypsies are up to for a couple days. There is literally no way to tell.

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You’d imagine that juggling all of these complex interlocking storylines would be terribly hard on a daytime television audience, but by all accounts, the audience ate it up with a spoon and begged for more. Dark Shadows is defying every known law of daytime television, making a completely unpredictable show with an incredibly high information-density, and they don’t even do recaps anymore to help you remember what’s going on. And yet the ratings went up.

You know, it’s almost like the people who have been making soap operas all these years might be wrong about how smart housewives and teenagers actually are. Is that possible?

If anybody took Dark Shadows seriously as an example of a massive multiplayer television experience, then it honestly could have changed the entire approach of daytime television storytelling. But nobody saw it that way.

They got distracted by the content — dismissing it as a goofy, melodramatic spook show with no nutritional value — and they didn’t look closely enough to realize that this was far and away the most challenging narrative that had ever been performed on television. Seriously, name anything else on television before 1969 that even comes close. It can’t be done.

But nobody saw it that way, and daytime television just kept on patronizing and pandering to an audience that the producers never respected. But for a minute, here in the late 19th century, we get a glimpse of what soap operas could have evolved into, given half a chance.

A world without recap. Just imagine what you could do.

Tomorrow: Good Night.


I was pretty sure that Nora’s box of crayons would turn out to be an anachronism, but then I looked it up, and there really were wax crayons manufactured in the late 19th century. Binney & Smith, the company that later became Crayola, began selling crayons in 1903. So there you go, Dark Shadows is right and I’m wrong. There were probably zombies and werewolves and Raggedy Ann dolls back then too.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

Edward slams the study door when he sees Quentin rummaging, and the whole wall shakes.

You can hear people walking around in the studio while  Edward is examining Nora’s drawing.

Tomorrow: Good Night.

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Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

20 thoughts on “Episode 728: The Pacer

  1. Somebody refresh me.

    Jenny’s escape to kill Quentin had to be an indirect result of Barnabas’ insertion into 1897.


    I’m in 1970 PT, so it’s been some time since I was prePansy.

    1. Barnabas encouraged Rachel to look into the Tower Room.

      Because Rachel was nosing about the Tower, the Family moved Jenny to the basement.

      Jenny escaped from the basement.

      Now, it’s entirely possible she would have escaped the Tower, or that someone ELSE may have encouraged Rachel to investigate the Tower…but the reasoning above is the (generally) standard conjecture among fans.

        1. But, seriously, give me the ep number so I can look it up on DS Wiki.

          I think all of us here, would like to believe that the writers sincerely wanted to make sense, at least when you’re pursuing a story that doesn’t make any,
          In the real wold.

          We genuinely want that our ep writers put in the effort that we would.

          If we ever had that chance.

          1. I think Magda is actually the one who really encourages Rachel to go to the tower and confront her enemy in ep 715. You could say that Barnabas influenced her in general, because he was offering support and a shoulder. His real intervention in the story happens in ep 717, but at that point Jenny is in the basement, and Barnabas finds Angelique in the tower.

            For the writers: They definitely put a lot of energy into writing the show, but not necessarily the same kind that we would. Their priority was to get a show on the air every weekday forever, with a cliffhanger before every commercial break. They cared very much about the show, but they had different priorities than we do. Making sure all the continuity lines up with episodes that aired three weeks ago is way less important than writing an interesting scene today.

  2. So Quentin deserted his wife to run off with his sister in law – then has the nerve to come back home and complain about the way his family has handled the big mess he left on their hands.
    I know good looking people automatically think they can get away with a lot of bad behavior but if I was Edward, I’d tell Quentin to grow up and take care of his insane wife HIMSELF. I can’t believe the way Edward takes all that arrogant sass from Quentin. He needs a good hard slap in the mouth.

    1. I don’t get the impression that Quentin ran off with Laura. Based on my recollection of the backstory, Quentin was fooling around with Laura (and lots of other women) behind Jenny’s back. The affair was discovered and Quentin was kicked out of the house (Edward mentions that Quentin was “banished”). Laura couldn’t bear Collinwood without Quentin (who could?) and ran off after him, deserting Edward and the kids.

      Granted, this is all pieced together from random bits of dialogue. I don’t think the series writers thought about it much beyond “Quentin abandoned Jenny.” After all, if Quentin was “banished” then you’d think they’d also expect him to take his wife with him, who they never much cared for in the first place. But when Edward first discussed this with Quentin, the audience is not supposed to know Quentin has a wife.

      That’s the magic of DARK SHADOWS right now. It’s a train that goes full steam ahead.

      1. Okay then – Quentin deserves a good hard slap from Edward for using Jamison in his creepy voodoo rituals.
        See – there’s always a good excuse to slap Quentin!

  3. Oh, and I should add that the chemistry between Quentin and Edward is amazing to watch. Their scenes together are always electric — intense, heated, but also full of the zingers Selby and Edmonds deliver so well.

    Frankly, is there anyone Selby doesn’t have great chemistry with? (Alas, Beth, in an ironic turn of events)

      1. Beth is a dud. She was creepy as a non-speaking ghost, but the moment she started talking, it became clear just how wooden and dull she wsa.

  4. In the original timeline apparently Quentin must have killed Jenny in self defense as she didn’t “kill” him then. I recall it is Laura who causes this to happen.

  5. the vampire scene in the reprise today was way more sexual than the original yesterday, it looked more like an urge than a calculated plan to strike the Trasks. Although the ultimate goal still seems to be getting Charity under B’s control as a way to protect the household.

      1. And I’m still wondering why Barnabas never bit Magda as well as Sandor. He’s controlling Magda by threatening to harm Sandor. Wouldn’t it just be a lot easier to bite her, too? Of course, her character would be less interesting that way, and having her as a potential wild card provides a lot of dramatic tension, so I understand the narrative reasons. But narrative reasons are strongest when they’re also based on logic (if you can call anything on this show logical), and it would be most logical for Barnabas to bite Magda.

  6. Kate says the hieroglyphs are actually correct, which is approximately the only time that any piece of film or television has ever bothered to get it right! It’s not just “mother” and “house”, there’s a symbol for “come” as well, so roughly “mother come home”. Given the writers’ deadlines, it’s astonishing that they took the time to nip down to the library for this!

    And Kate is now speculating on how they’re going to work “The Mummy” and/or “Jewel of the Seven Stars” into all this insanity…

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