Episode 882: The Don’t Sleepover

“You drift away, love, you’ll drift back sadly changed.”

And then sometimes everything comes together, and they make all the right choices, and I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it lately but Dark Shadows is my favorite television show.

882 dark shadows quentin sleepy

I’ve been super cranky for the last couple weeks, writing about the wrap-up of the 1897 storyline. The body switch story dragged on for too long, and Grayson Hall’s on vacation, and then we had a week that was mostly angry guys threatening each other. I’ve repeatedly invoked the current six-days-a-week shooting schedule to explain why the quality took a sudden nosedive, and I’m sick of writing about it.

But today — despite the Tasmanian Devil whirlwind of chaos at ABC Studio 16 — they manage to pick all the best available characters, and put them together for a final farewell. It’s one last look at the 1897 that we loved, before we move on to whatever comes next.

So here’s whatever comes now: Tormented pop star heartthrob Quentin Collins has shaken off his possession, and he’s back in control of his own self. But the evil wizard, Count Petofi, is still trying to invade Quentin’s body, and the madman is currently lurking in one of his many lurking spots, spellcasting.

Luckily, we’ve got the multi-talented songstress and mentalist Pansy Faye on our side, and she has a dream that conveniently explains the current plot point. If Quentin falls asleep — even for a second! — Petofi will take over his body. But if Quentin can stay awake long enough to catch the train to New York, then he’ll be out of range of Petofi’s magical mind transmissions, and he’ll be safe.

Naturally, this makes only the vaguest amount of sense, and yet everyone in the audience understands it. It’s a countdown, and countdowns are always arbitrary and fake. We like them anyway.

882 dark shadows quentin pansy wake

The catch is that Quentin is really sleepy for some reason, and that makes this the cutest possible countdown! We basically spend the whole episode watching a sleepy kitten try to stay awake. I don’t know why it’s never occurred to me that this is exactly what I want out of a television show.

Pansy comes downstairs, and finds Quentin slumped into a chair. “Oh, pray God it isn’t too late!” she cries, and then he opens his eyes, all blinky and adorable. She explains how dangerous it is for him to fall asleep, and then she hands him a glass of brandy, which seems counter-productive. Don’t they have any coffee or Four Loko or something?

882 dark shadows quentin pansy walk

Quentin says that the train to New York leaves in four hours. Rubbing his eyes, he says, “Ordinarily it wouldn’t be any trouble, staying awake for that long” — which is the cutest thing to have to explain to somebody — “but after not having slept for so many days and nights and…”

And then he sort of nods and closes his eyes, and somehow they’ve got everybody in the audience leaning forward, crying, No! Pansy, stop him! Watching somebody fall asleep should be incredibly bad television, but here we are. It’s only been a minute and a half, and we’re totally engaged. It must be magic.

Or maybe it’s just a matter of bringing together the right people. Quentin’s paired in this scene with the most interesting person in town besides himself, the unbeatable Pansy Faye. The writers have never really settled on what Pansy’s role is — teen rebel, loyal sidekick, lovelorn heroine, loose cannon, calculating murderess — and it doesn’t seem to matter. She’s passionate and alive, and she has a funny accent. It works anyway.

This really should be Magda — the spiteful gypsy finally transformed into a caring friend, completing the character arc that began in the first episode of this epic storyline. She should have seen the vision in her crystal ball, and rushed over to Collinwood to walk Quentin around the drawing room. But like I said, Grayson Hall’s on vacation, and luckily they have a perfect substitute.

882 dark shadows quentin pansy barnabas what

And then Barnabas walks in, hooray! We haven’t seen him for over a week, and he’s another character who always makes things more interesting.

He crosses the foyer, and stops short when he sees Pansy walking a half-asleep werewolf around the room.

“What in the world?” he says, which is adorable.

“I’m in trouble,” Quentin moans, but Pansy corrects him.

“Not yet,” she says, “but he will be, if he closes his eyes!”

Close-up on Barnabas, who makes shocked acting faces. “Petofi!” he shouts. “He’s started his attack again!”

Quentin nods. “That’s what Charity says.”

“I’ve seen it!” she cries. “And it was ‘orrible!”

Then Barnabas asks Pansy to get Quentin’s bags from his room, and she says, “All right, sure. But mind you keep an eye on him! He’s got a way of driftin’ off!”

So let this be a lesson to you, writers of the world: do not underestimate the appeal of having your best characters work on a problem together. There’s a temptation to up the stakes by having a character struggle on his own, because it makes him more desperate. That temptation makes your story worse. Resist it.

882 dark shadows barnabas pansy drift

Everybody with functioning televisual literacy knows that a countdown is entirely fake. That’s amplified in this particular case, because they make a point of showing the clock, and it’s 11:35. Ten seconds later, Barnabas says, “I’m afraid that four hours of this will be too much for him!” — so apparently the train to New York leaves at 3:30am? It’s the silliest bit of directorial self-sabotage we’ve seen in a long while.

But it doesn’t matter. The bad thing is going to happen or it’s not going to happen, as determined by whatever conclusion the writer is aiming for. If Quentin’s supposed to be skull-raped by the end of the episode, then Barnabas and Pansy will be called away for an emergency, or to fetch something, or to go to their piano lessons. On the other hand, if Quentin’s supposed to escape this trap, then Barnabas and Pansy succeed.

Whichever way this is supposed to go, they’ll get to the same result in the same amount of time, so the only question is — while we’re waiting to find out the results, is the show going to be entertaining or boring?

Will it just be Quentin doing repetitive thinks monologues where he reminds himself that he has to stay awake? Or do we get all the woodland creatures teaming up to save him?

882 dark shadows barnabas angelique troubled

And then something wonderful happens. Barnabas realizes that there’s someone who could help, so he runs off to the rectory to do one of my favorite Dark Shadows routines: Barnabas and Angelique talking about their feelings!

Now, I know that the Barnabas/Josette relationship is supposed to be huge and central for his character, but Barnabas and Josette scenes bore the hell out of me. They’re always the same, because at her core, Josette is just not that interesting of a character. She has two settings — in love with Barnabas or afraid of Barnabas — and once you’ve seen both of those modes, you’re pretty much done.

But Angelique is one of the most emotionally complicated characters on the show, mostly because the writers use her as a plot driver. She loves him, and she hates him, and she realizes that focusing on him is an addiction that’s destroyed her life many times over. With every turn of the wheel, she’ll have a brand-new motivation, designed to support another lunatic plot contrivance. Over time, her character has developed accidental depth, just from being pushed in one direction after another.

So you’re never quite sure how she’s going to react to something, and for me at least, that makes this couple endlessly watchable.

882 dark shadows angelique barnabas trouble

Here, I’ll demonstrate.

Barnabas:  Quentin is in danger!

Angelique:  And you want me to dispel that danger, and deliver him into the waiting arms of Amanda Harris? I’m sorry, Barnabas, I can’t do that! I’m too human — too jealous!

Barnabas:  Angelique — people like you and I have lived long and troubled lives. We have both seen a great deal of unhappiness and despair. Now, if Quentin can be happy with Amanda, you have no right to deny him that happiness!

Angelique:  What are you trying to say? That I don’t deserve love, that I don’t know how to love?

Barnabas:  I haven’t said that at all! Now, surely there’s someone else.

Angelique:  No. I’ve already found Quentin. He’s the only one I want.

Barnabas:  But why Quentin? If he’s that important to you, why would you destroy him, rather than give him up?

So, I mean — right? The feels! The long and troubled lives, the don’t know how to love, the why would you destroy him!

I can’t explain it any better than that. Either you get why this scene is amazing, or I don’t know. Maybe watching television is not for you.

882 dark shadows barnabas angelique bargain

And finally, after months of mystery, she breaks down and tells the truth about why she’s so stuck on marrying Quentin.

Angelique:  Before I came here this time, I was in the everlasting pits of Hell, where other creatures of my kind live. Only… my stay here on Earth made me dissatisfied with my life there. I longed to come back here — to Earth, to become a human being! I begged my Master for the chance! Finally, he gave it to me — on one condition, and one condition only.

Barnabas:  And what was that?

Angelique:  That I make one man fall in love with me, without any use of supernatural spells or powers. One man. One chance. That’s what I was granted.

Barnabas:  And he is the one?

Angelique:  Yes. So you can see why Quentin is the only man on Earth for me, if I want to remain here on Earth as a human being… and I do. I do!

Now, obviously, that makes precisely zero sense. Why would Satan make a bargain like that? Why does he want her to stay in Hell? And what would making a man fall in love with her have to do with anything?

It’s narrativium, that’s all; this whole episode is powered by a solid core of 100% narrativium. Why is Quentin so tired when everybody else is fine? Why does Petofi get a good signal right now, but not if Quentin was in New York? Why is Angelique engaging in incoherent negotiations with Satan?

But if we have to have nonsense — and this is Dark Shadows, so obviously we do — then let it be this nonsense. Put the most interesting characters on the show together in a room, talking about their feelings.

882 dark shadows quentin pansy dance

Meanwhile, Pansy’s still walking Quentin in circles around the room, telling him stories about her theatrical career. As she takes a breath between anecdotes, he sits down heavily, rubs his eyes, and groans, “I’m sorry — I just keep drifting away.”

“You drift away, love, you’ll drift back sadly changed,” she says, because that is how you write dialogue.

And then — just when you think that the episode can’t possibly get better — they do a musical number. God damn it, I love this show.

“I got an idea!” she cries. “Let’s you and me sing!”

“I don’t feel like singing.”

“Like it or not, you gotta do it. The show must go on! That’s the one and only rule there is, love. So let’s have a bright chorus from that new team, Pansy Faye and Quentin Collins!”

882 dark shadows quentin pansy i wanna dance

And then they sing “I Wanna Dance with You”, which just happens to be a single that dropped this week. It’s a romantic version of Pansy’s signature tune, performed by Nancy Barrett and some guy named David Shelby. It’s just been released by Philips Records, hoping to catch some of the magic that turned “Quentin’s Theme” into a top 40 hit, back in March.

They’ve already done a promo for this record a couple weeks ago, in episode 873, where they did it as a dream sequence and played the whole song. It was fine — they used some psychedelic lighting effects to make it a bit more interesting — but it was just playing the record, while Ms. Barrett and Mr. Shelby looked into each other’s eyes.

This time, it’s actually Pansy Faye and Quentin Collins, in-universe, singing their new hit single, and it’s even plot-relevant and everything.

882 dark shadows angelique quentin barnabas

I could go on forever about every scene in this episode, but you get the idea. All the fun characters, working together on a trumped-up countdown, singing and arguing and strolling in circles, like this was what they’d planned all along.

And that’s helpful, because there is an actual countdown going on, namely: two days from now, we leave 1897 forever. That’s why I’ve been so grouchy for the last couple weeks, because it’s been a whole year since Quentin’s ghost first appeared, and I really couldn’t stand the idea that the 1897 storyline would end in such a negative, dark way.

What we needed was a charming, silly runaround, with all the best people doing the things they do best. We needed Angelique to be emotional; we needed Barnabas to take everything super seriously; we needed Quentin to be cute and friendly. And I wouldn’t have said in advance that we needed the unflappable Pansy Faye to rally round for a closing number, but here it is, and it’s perfect.

So it’s okay for us to love this storyline, now and forever. I can spend the rest of my life saying “1897 is my favorite period of the show,” which it is, without having to grimace and apologize for the last few weeks. And it happened just in the nick of time!

Tomorrow: The Tate Murders.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

This one’s subtle. At the top of act 2, when the camera pulls back to show Barnabas and Angelique with the candles in the foreground, look past the door on the left and you can see a little bit of the stage light on the floor.

Pansy asks what Angelique is going to do, and Barnabas says, “Angelique can perform… certain psychic things.”

Behind the Scenes:

This week, Philips Records released the single “I Wanna Dance With You”, with vocals by Nancy Barrett and David Selby. This is a romantic version of Pansy Faye’s raucous “I’m Gonna Dance for You”, promoted on the show with a dream sequence in episode 873, and a reprise today, with Quentin and Pansy walking in circles around the drawing room, singing the song.

The B-side had the “Theme from Dark Shadows” by the Robert Cobert Orchestra. The single was produced by Cobert and Charles Randolph Greane, who’d produced the hit single “Quentin’s Theme”.

Tomorrow: The Tate Murders.

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

30 thoughts on “Episode 882: The Don’t Sleepover

  1. Danny, I am grateful to you for saving this episode for me. The plot holes had previously infuriated me: Petofi can now immediately switch bodies with Quentin, when before there was much hocus pocus over Quentin wearing Petofi’s ring. It would also be simple enough to just have Tate kidnap Pansy to force Quentin to come to Petofi and willingly sacrifice himself. Since that’s what happens anyway, after a fashion, this episode just felt like filler.

    But it is wonderful filler, thanks to Violet Welles. The scene between Barnabas and Angelique is amazing because it’s not about their relationship or even Josette. It’s like they are old friends, enemies, allies.

    I’d also never considered how Pansy serves as a replacement for Magda. Nancy Barrett is great here, but narratively, Magda was needed. There is a Chekovian frustration in Garth Blackwood being Petofi’s undoing than the gypsies. In fact, I don’t know why we needed the convoluted plot of Tate somehow magically summoning Blackwood from hell with his sketch pad. At best, Blackwood is Aristede’s enemy. It should have been Petofi and another gypsy king locked in battle amidst the flames. The Petofi/gypsy war is like Vietnam, with many casualties and no end in sight.

    And Grayson Hall shouting “He’s burning! Quentin’s burning!” just plain should have happened.

  2. Magda and Quentin singing “I Wanna Dance With You”, while, erm, interesting, probably wouldn’t have had the same commercial appeal for Philips.

  3. As for Angelique’s bargain to get a man to love her, it makes better sense in the myth of a “nymph/mermaid/fae” who can gain an immortal soul when a man falls in love with her…

    Yeah, if they reboot DS, Angeique should be fae…

    1. I simply assumed this bargain was Dark Master We Can’t Say Satan BUT IT’S TOTALLY SATAN fucking with Angelique for the literal hell of it–I mean, that is his entire job; tormenting the damned.

      And there’s only so much you can do in the actual Tartaran Pits, right? When Angie says she came from the pits of hell and realized Earth was more fun, it sounds like a young mom realizing the next town has better schools. So Satan looks at the constant lunatic circus that is Collinswood, picks out Quentin and says okay, make him fall in love with you and you both can hang out on Earth for a few decades, it’s not like you won’t be back here in the long run.

      The entire point of it is that it’s absurd and doomed to fail but without false hope things around the everlasting lake of fire would just be boring.

  4. So, people who say they don’t like musicals “because people don’t randomly break into song and dance in real life?”

    I don’t get those people, and neither does Pansy, God bless her. As soon as I die, first thing on my agenda is to find some sad PK, possess her, and turn every afternoon tea into a haunted vaudeville act.

    1. It used to be relatively popular in non-musicals for a character to break into song at least once, especially if the character was played by a famous singer (like in some non-musical Sinatra movie or whatever). I’m not a fan of the later practice of having vocal songs suddenly playing on the SOUNDTRACK of a movie or TV show (at least, about 90 per cent of the time I’m not), so to me, that EARLIER practice isn’t much stranger. Either way, you’re being hit with a song out of nowhere in a NON-musical, so why not?

  5. I love the idea that there has to be a reason for a person to be less-than-satisfied with being in the everlasting pits of Hell.

    I really liked the video of the kitten falling asleep, but they stopped filming before it woke up again possessed by Petofi. These people have no idea how to make good TV! 🙂

  6. “Barnabas! The Musical.”

    Petofi and the Gypsy Zombies sing ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’.
    (Or is that a little too ‘on the nose’?)

    Angelique sings “(I’ve Got A) Never Ending Love”.

    Come on, kids, let’s put on a show! I bet Old Man Collins would let us use his barn…

  7. If “Angelique can perform… certain psychic things” is a blooper, it’s hard to imagine the original line being better, because that one has just the right mysterious sound to it.

  8. It’s nice to see Angelique move on from her obsession with Barnabas. Having her obsess over Barnabas would have eventually become boring and made Angelique one-note. Being around Quentin seems to mellow her out a bit. If only relatively.

    One thing that saddens me about 1897 is that Magda never gets resolution for her character by the end. It’s like she just drops off the face of the earth once Julia arrives via time travel. But that can attributed to the fact that 1897, although more entertaining, is less tightly written then 1795.

    I can’t wait until we get to the Leviathans!

  9. “Why is Quentin so tired when everybody else is fine?” In the previous episode or two, Quentin remarked more than once that he had not slept for a couple days as he was planning and arranging for his escape.

  10. Oh, and also, I also thought it seemed silly for Quentin to be drinking when he’s in danger of falling asleep. But even today many people erroneously think of alcohol more as a stimulant (they confuse lowered inhibitions with stimulus) than a depressant. I imagine the idea was widespread if not universal in 1897. That’s the first thing everyone does on DS, regardless of time frame–offer someone who has fainted or gone through an ordeal a drink to wake them up.

    1. C’mon, this is the Collins family. Other than murder, alcohol is their universal go-to solution for any problem. Naomi was the biggest customer of Collinsport Sherry Distillers other than the United States, and Roger had brandy delivered to the mansion by tanker-truck. Wouldn’t be at all surprising if David or one of his progeny eventually had a full-scale brewery built on the estate at some point in the family’s future.

  11. The Barnabas/Angelique scene in this episode works so well because the two aren’t talking AT one another, they’re talking TO one another. They’ve dropped their shields, exposed themselves to each other, and engaged in an honest exchange for once. Barnabas tries to get Angelique to see reason and help him, not for his sake but for the family, and at the same time he makes clear that he understands her motivations. It is wonderfully acted and opened up a new level in this ongoing relationship.

  12. It isn’t impossible that the train for New York leaves at 3:30 AM. I remember a cross country train trip to Washington, DC I took with my parents when I was nine. At about 3 or 4 in the morning we were awakened when the train stopped. We looked out the window and saw the sign on the platform indicating the name of the tiny town in West Virginia where we were, and we saw some people boarding. I asked my father why the train stopped there at such an inconvenient hour, and he explained that in a little place like that, the time the train comes in is determined by the time it is convenient for the people in the bigger cities up the line to board. Collinsport is also a tiny town, and we saw all the way back in episode 1 that the trains come through in the dead of night.

    1. I was gonna say that, too. It’s perfectly logical for smaller towns to have those departures, especially on major routes. We have wee hour stops here near Madison, WI on lines running between Minneapolis and Chicago. And of course, a countdown often ends thrillingly at midnight, so one in the dead of night is very nearly as good.

    2. Even big cities sometimes get a bad deal. Doesn’t matter if you’re going east or west, the California Zephyr hits Salt Lake City at a ridiculous hour of the night.

      The west end of Texas Eagle starts in Los Angeles, but when I took it back in 2015, it left at 10:00 p.m.

  13. Leave it to gentleman Barnabas to tell the lady in the room (Pansy/Charity) to run upstairs and get Quentin’s luggage.

  14. Angelique’s bargain with the Devil was no doubt purely for his own sadistic amusement. Also, he probably wanted to keep her in hell just because he knew she didn’t want to be there, and he also might’ve figured she’d never succeed in getting Quentin to fall in love with her, but it would be entertaining to watch her try.

  15. I love that Pansy’s song was actually released as a single! And more so that you mentioned it because I wouldn’t have known about it but for this blog.

  16. It’s a pity that just as they’re getting the hang of period-appropriate costumes, we’re leaving 1897. Angelique’s outfit is stunning and in my favorite color no less. Speaking of Angelique I’m struggling to get a handle on her deal with the devil. So did she have get any man to fall in love with her or one specific man? Did the devil choose Quentin?

  17. I liked 1897 for a while, but then things changed. In the beginning even Petofi and Aristede were a bit redeemable. Petofi.was terrified of gypsies who had cut off his hand and Aristede was terrified of Petofi. But then they turned more evil. Killing people for sport. As I watched the transformation I started to want out of 1897. I will miss a lot of it and certainly the characters but it’s time.

  18. Wait – what?? Tate is copying Modigliani? Aw, that’s OK, so did my mom. Her copy is in her garage.

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