Episode 733: Pretty People are the Devil’s Playthings

“It would break his heart, just as it would break your neck!”

Rachel Drummond, girl governess and Nancy Drew cosplay enthusiast, has had just about enough of this nonsense. She’d just managed to put her difficult past behind her and move on with her life, when who should walk in but her difficult past, and his wife.

Rachel is an orphan, as all governesses are, and she was raised at Worthington Hall, an oppressive work camp run by the odious Reverend Trask. After years of confinement, she managed to sneak past the barbed wire and light out for the territory, and now, by some grotesque mischance, the gendarmes have found her at Collinwood, and they want to drag her back to the Hall.

But Rachel has no patience for this. She has no intention of going anywhere with these people, and she’s ready for a fight. So it turns out that Rachel has a personality after all; it must have been stuck in baggage claim when she first arrived.

733 dark shadows rachel minerva fury

So the strange gods who look after soap opera audiences have sent us the formidable Minerva Trask, who is basically Abigail Collins from 1795 but with an even more severe costume. And she knows how to press all of Rachel’s buttons, having installed most of them herself.

Rachel:  Mrs. Trask, this is ridiculous; I’m not going back to the school with you.

Minerva:  Oh, I think you are. Hmph. You are pretty. You were a pretty child, and a pretty girl. It’s been a terrible burden for you, hasn’t it?

Rachel:  Mrs. Trask, if you’ve come here to get me, then your trip has been wasted.

Minerva:  The Reverend has always said, pretty people are the Devil’s playthings! And in your case, he was certainly proved right.

Oh, they’re marvelous, aren’t they? Trasks come up with that kind of stuff all the time. But Minerva has a lot more ammunition than that up her sleeve; that was just a warning shot. Rachel is a thief, she says, and a liar, and a murderer.

But this girl’s too nice to do all of those things. These are obviously nothing but trumped-up charges, based on Rachel profiling.

733 dark shadows minerva rachel angry

In fact, she seemed nothing but nice when she first arrived, which was kind of the problem. Rachel was introduced as this year’s Josette lookalike, with no characteristics of her own. Barnabas was attracted to her because she looked like Josette, and Quentin was attracted to her because she had a pulse, and that was as far as it went. This wasn’t particularly helpful, as blank slates are typically lacking in entertainment value.

But look at her now! Backstory, everywhere you look. She has a boyfriend, and she stole money, and she broke her contract, and apparently she killed a dude. Turns out she’s kind of a secret ninja.

And the thing that I like most about this development is that it’s not the result of careful advance planning; it’s just a series of accidents that they managed to capitalize on.

727 dark shadows trask rachel contract

The original plan for Rachel, such as it was, definitely included the Jane Eyre material. That’s why they needed a governess in the first place, so they could have a madwoman in the attic. But the Nicholas Nickleby stuff only came about because Dan Curtis saw Jerry Lacy on Broadway in late February, and decided he should come back on the show.

The Jenny-in-the-attic storyline has cooled off considerably in the last few weeks, so it was a good idea to give Rachel something new to do. They needed her around anyway, because she’s the Josette in the Barnabas/Angelique triangle, so Reverend Trask becomes a schoolteacher, and Rachel is Nicholas Nickleby.

733 dark shadows laura rachel nowhere

And then Laura came along, also out of basically nowhere, and now she’s part of Rachel’s story too. Laura’s return wasn’t part of a grand plan either; she’s another opportunistic hire.

Diana Millay left the show in a shower of sparks back in 1967 because she was pregnant, and according to Barnabas & Company, the return engagement was her idea:

In 1969, the new mother placed a call to Dan Curtis, saying she wanted to return to her old job. “He cried out, ‘You want to come back!?’ as if I should want to stay home for the rest of my life,” Diana said in an interview in 2006. “But ultimately, he said, ‘Fine, we’ll bring you back.'”

And that’s how decisions get made around here. Dan offers people a job just to get out of an irritating phone call, and the writers have to figure out what to do with yet another madwoman. So another layer is added to the already complicated storyline, and once again, Rachel benefits from having more people to interact wth.

733 dark shadows rachel magda murder

This sounds like an insane way to write a story, and it absolutely is, but this is actually the correct approach for writing long-running serialized narrative. A strict plan is not a good idea, because even if you’ve got it all mapped out, you still have an executive producer who’ll offer somebody a job at a Broadway afterparty. All you can do is keep a stack of paperbacks handy, to steal a plot point if there’s a deadline looming and nothing comes to mind. P.S. There is always a deadline looming.

So Rachel came in as a blank slate, and five weeks later, she’s got a rich interior life and several outstanding warrants, by way of Dickens, Brontë and The Mummy’s Tomb. I guess pretty people really are the Devil’s playthings, at least on this show.

Tomorrow: The Tragedy of Tim.

Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

When Quentin is rummaging through Laura’s room, Laura is seen at the edge of the frame before she’s supposed to have appeared there magically. Quentin even glances in her direction, then keeps rummaging.

The clock in Laura’s room is stuck at 7:20, from act 1 all the way through the closing credits.

Judith tells Quentin, “I can’t quite see you as protector of the family reputation, or guardian of David’s — Edward’s honor!”

Judith tells Minerva, “Mrs. Trask, there’s one thing that disturbs me. Rachel doesn’t seem completely free about going with you.”

When Minerva and Laura are talking in the foyer, Judith stands behind them on the balcony, waiting for her cue to pretend to be panicked.

At the beginning of Rachel and Magda’s scene at the mausoleum gate, the camera zooms in on Rachel’s brooch before they’ve mentioned it.


The book that I referred to above is Barnabas & Company: The Cast of the TV Classic Dark Shadows, and it’s currently available on Kindle for only three American dollars. It’s fantastic, and if you’re interested in the making of Dark Shadows, then you need to own it.

Tomorrow: The Tragedy of Tim.

733 dark shadows magda tomb

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

21 thoughts on “Episode 733: Pretty People are the Devil’s Playthings

  1. Agreed about Rachel finally developing that wonderful, feisty, and somewhat more powerful personality…..so as to be significantly different from dumb, dreamy, Pollyanna Josette. Her fights are excellent, like with Don Briscoe and Roger Davis.

    1. A little bit of waitress Maggie comes out here. I was imagining what would she have said had she been full throttle. Probably something along the lines of, “Go ahead, call the police. And I’m sure the newspapers would love to hear about how you really
      treat the little girls and boys in that so called school of yours. Especially ‘after hours’. ”

      Now if Judith would just get some of Liz’s authority and fire.

  2. “Bonnie and Clyde were pretty looking people
    But I can tell you people
    They were the devil’s children”
    -Georgie Fame

    Rachel and Tim were Bonnie and Clyde, just ask Mrs Trash, I mean Trask.

    1. I can imagine KLS going to Dan and asking for more character meat.

      Then, Dan, who is smitten with all the hot women he’s ever cast, says to the writers:

      “Bring out the KLS inner bitch!”

      Well, that was his subtext.

      The phrase didn’t exist yet.

      Then, later, they gave it to Kitty Soames, and it was good.

      This is the period when I fell in love with New KLS.

  3. The story of what really happened the night Simon Briar died is one of segments in The Crimson Pearl audio drama, which celebrated forty five years of Dark Shadows.

  4. When Minerva tells Rachel about the death of Simon Briar and Tim Shaw’s alleged involvement, Rachel appears shocked but that makes no sense considering Tim told her about it himself just two episodes ago. The writers seem to have forgotten that Rachel and Tim’s meeting ever occurred.

    1. I don’t know if it’s so bad. Inside, Rachel is still the little girl petrified with fear of her abusers. Hearing the information from Tim is one shock, hearing it from the Trasks themselves is an entirely different shock.

      1. She seemed surprised that Tim was back at the school as well. Maybe she was only pretending so as not to give away the fact that Tim had already met with her and brought her up to speed.

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