Episode 597: The Three Faces of Eve

“How strange you all are, to spend your time this way.”

It seems so obvious now, in hindsight, that it’s incredible nobody thought to mention it before.

Adam, the local teenage Frankenstein monster, has fallen for a girl who just wants to be friends, and he’s decided that the only way that he’ll ever be loved is if somebody invents a mate for him. So he’s spent the last two months browbeating Barnabas and Julia, demanding that they set up a mad science lab in the basement, and create a made-to-order corpse bride for him.

They had objections, of course. For one thing, they weren’t sure they knew how to put a body together. Then they had to find someone willing to die in order to donate her life force to Adam’s mate, which took forever. The whole process was basically one long hassle, and they took every opportunity to voice their concerns.

But nobody thought to explain to Adam that you can’t just wake up a brand-new woman and tell her that she’s your mate, and expect her to instantly fall in love with you. That’s not how women work. Women are super complicated.

597 dark shadows eve face

And this particular woman is even more complicated than usual.

As exhibit A, there’s a point in today’s episode when Eve makes this face. This isn’t an unflattering paparazzi screenshot, catching a moment while she’s in the middle of a word. She does this on purpose.

Eve’s life force was actually taken from the spirit of an 18th-century French maniac, but she’s pretending that she doesn’t remember anything of her former life as “Danielle Roget”. You’d think that total amnesia would be a pretty easy thing to keep under your hat, but it turns out maniacs like to express themselves.

At one point, she barks at Professor Stokes, “I am used to my questions being answered!” and Barnabas asks, “When were you used to that? When?”

Eve turns away, says, “I don’t know,” and then she holds on this expression for five seconds.

597 dark shadows eve five seconds

I mean, let’s count off five seconds right now:

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi. This face.

597 dark shadows eve dismount

And then — believe it or not — this is her dismount. This is the very next thing she does.

So she’s amazing, is what I’m saying. Eve is a perfect character for Dark Shadows, because she is the living embodiment of “we don’t have a plan.” The writers decided to do a Bride of Frankenstein story without really knowing how that’s supposed to go.

This is Eve’s second day on the job, and they still haven’t really decided who she is yet. The character is just a bundle of insane contradictions, ping-ponging from one emotion to another.

So Marie Wallace, bless her heart, has decided that she’s just going to roll with that. Acting is all about choices, and today, it is all about Eve.

So I’m going to get out of the way, and let Eve do her thing. The rest of this entry is just going to be a gallery of what Eve gets up to in the space of twenty-two minutes. There is literally nothing that I could say that would be more interesting and entertaining than Eve being Eve.

597 dark shadows eve candles

So this is how Eve starts a scene. When she has spare time, she apparently just hangs around the house doing this.

597 dark shadows eve adam alone

“You should not leave me alone.”

597 dark shadows eve flirting

She starts flirting with Adam…

597 dark shadows eve sneer

… but it doesn’t last very long.

597 dark shadows eve adam remember

“I almost remembered something while you were gone.”

597 dark shadows eve questions

“I do not like questions.”

597 dark shadows eve strong

“You are so strong. If you insist, they will leave me alone.”

597 dark shadows eve adam weak

“I do not kiss men who are weak.”

597 dark shadows eve woman

“I am a woman. I accept what happens to me.”

597 dark shadows eve eyes

“I open my eyes, and I am here, in this house.”

597 dark shadows eve mind

“I cannot explain my mind to you. I do not know it well enough myself.”

597 dark shadows eve strange

“How strange you all are, to spend your time this way — with questions.”

597 dark shadows eve alive

“I remember you. Yes, I remember you. You have come after me?”

597 dark shadows eve non

Non, mon petit! I will not go back with you.”

597 dark shadows eve never

“I am alive. I am ALIVE!”

597 dark shadows eve back

“I will NEVER go back.”

Tomorrow: The Great Sproat Caper.


Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

When Adam goes upstairs, Barnabas tells Stokes, “You shouldn’t have let her — him go to her.”

When Barnabas and Stokes sit down in Josette’s room, you can see a studio light on the floor, behind Stokes’ chair. About ten seconds later, you can see the boom mic hanging well into the frame.

Eve tells Stokes and Barnabas that she doesn’t remember anything before she woke up, and Barnabas says, “But you must.” Eve counters, “How can I remember? When I have no — memory, if I did not exist.”

There are 13 episodes that take place during this one evening, from episode 585 through today, episode 597. It’s been a long night.

Tomorrow: The Great Sproat Caper.

597 dark shadows eve flare

Dark Shadows episode guide

— Danny Horn

4 thoughts on “Episode 597: The Three Faces of Eve

  1. I never really liked Eve as a character for some reason; perhaps because the character was somewhat limited by the writing and therefore she never did anything truly villainous as befitting her character. But this whole storyline has been a bit tiresome, so I think I am ready to move onto the next storyline and therefore these characters are getting on my nerves. 😉

  2. Oh, Gawd.

    I love Marie Wallace.
    Megan was not so great, but hey, she was way better than HE was.

    Soapy. She was not.

  3. Now, I see, it takes 10 months to get me through 1255 eps.

    Minus 209. Sorry. Although I have viewed 1-80.

    Marie is still screen glue. Like Lara.

    And I’m totally sick of 1968 Barnabas.

    The writers have ruined him.

    He’s painful to watch, and before Leona, it seemed like the writers were on vacation.

    Marie arrives.

    I’m happy again.

    And at this point, if Frid left, I wouldn’t miss him.

    They could make Lara and Marie the main stars, and not kill Eve, and I would be so happy.

    But….It’s DS, and most characters get offed somehow.

    Gotta make way for 1897.

    The true pinnacle.

    It’s sad that ratings were best during the previous months, when the writing was meandering….dream curse…..Adam……although I like Robert Rodan.

    Both storylines went twice as long as they deserved, and seemed like filler.

    Marie brings the fire back.

    God bless her.

  4. I hadn’t remembered Eve from my first viewing of DS, and that must be because I hadn’t seen these episodes;otherwise, I’d be sure to have remembered la Wallace as Eve. I also am one of the apparent few who liked Danielle Roget and her 1960s equivalent anagram. She had kind of a cross-dresser thing going for her that I found fascinating, and I’m sorry to hear we’ve apparently seen the last of her.

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