Episode 229: Thirst World Problems

“Things are getting deeper and deeper, and people are saying and doing things for no reason at all!”

Maggie’s overslept again; she’s been out all night consorting with demons. It’s actually not clear what Barnabas and Maggie have been getting up to. We don’t see much on screen — for all we know, they could be going to nightclubs and working their way through the Kama Sutra.

However. At a certain point we’re just watching a girl sleep.

229 dark shadows maggie looks awful

Sam is alarmed when he sees Maggie. She must be going to the same stylist that Willie did a couple weeks ago; she’s a mess. The makeup people are getting pretty good at making people look terrible. This skill is going to come in handy in the future.

Sam wants to call a doctor, but she insists that the doctor can’t help her. I have to say, I’ve seen the doctor; she’s not wrong.

229 dark shadows burke teleprompter

Over at the Blue Whale, Burke and Vicki are on another tedious date; she’s recapping and he’s struggling to pay attention.

Burke says his first line, and then has to lean back to check the teleprompter for line number two. Have I mentioned that Mitchell Ryan had a drinking problem? He’s going to be replaced in a few weeks because he’s too drunk to go on the air. Don’t get too attached.

229 dark shadows woodard sam joe

And here’s another actor we won’t be seeing a lot of in the future — Dr. Woodard, who’s come to examine Maggie. He tells Sam and Joe that Maggie’s lost a great deal of blood, but, as he did with Willie two weeks ago, he doesn’t seem super engaged with the problem.

“Her blood supply is very low, and I’d like to know why,” says the doctor, and then he sighs and shakes his head and puts on his coat. He’s not worried about it, really; he’s just irritated, like Maggie’s done it on purpose to annoy him.

Woodard only has one line of a vaguely medical nature, and he stumbles through it: “Well, I’ve taken some blood tests, and I’ll… run tests on them. See what the corpuscles are up to, see if there’s any kind of a cell breakdown, a few things like that.”

Okay, I have two questions for Dr. Woodard at this point. Question #1: Is this really a good time to be taking more blood out of her? Question #2: What the hell are you talking about?

229 dark shadows woodard sam

But the doctor’s practically out the door by this point. He hands Sam a piece of paper, and says, “I’m putting her on this diet; it’ll help build up her blood supply.”

And unless that diet involves drinking an 8-ounce glass of O-negative three times a day, I’m not clear on how that’s supposed to help. Is a transfusion really out of the question?

After the doctor leaves, Joe sees that Sam’s upset, and encourages him to go down to the Blue Whale and get a drink. Sam is an alcoholic, by the way. These people are really not very good at thinking of things that will help.

229 dark shadows go now joe maggie

The sun sets, and we hear some dogs howling again. Maggie gets out of bed, and opens the French windows in her room. Then she goes and picks a fight with Joe, telling him to get out of the house and leave her alone.

“Who are you supposed to be?” she snaps. “The babysitter? Don’t you think I can take care of myself? Okay, then. Babysitting time is over. How much do I owe you? Twenty-five? Fifty cents an hour?”

And wow, once again the vampire’s victim is the scariest person in town. Joe’s out.

229 dark shadows blue whale burke sam vicki

Back at the Blue Whale, things aren’t exactly hopping tonight; it’s just Vicki and Burke and a couple of scattered extras.

Vicki says that people are staying close to home tonight: “Everybody I’ve talked to is awfully upset about those attacks on the girls, and the horrible death of those poor animals.”

Yeah, on most nights this place is wall to wall livestock; you can’t move for cows.

Sam comes in, and gives Vicki and Burke a full recap of the Maggie situation — she felt bad in the morning, collapsed at work, then got up at night with a lot of energy.

Following closely, Vicki says, “Now let me see if I understand this. You said that yesterday she was sick and she collapsed, and last night she was up and around, and this morning she was sick again?”

IT IS NOT OKAY TO SUMMARIZE A RECAP THAT HE JUST SAID ONE SENTENCE AGO.

But it’s all right, we’re almost done for the day. Joe comes in, and tells Sam that Maggie threw him out. Sam hurries home, runs to Maggie’s room — and she’s gone!

And who can blame her? There’s got to be some more interesting people in the world that she could be friends with. I say good luck to her.

Tomorrow: The Transylvania Twist.


Dark Shadows bloopers to watch out for:

When Sam calls the doctor, he has his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.

Sam gestures at the French windows, and says, “Those doors — those windows. They were open again this morning.”

Tomorrow: The Transylvania Twist.

229 dark shadows maggie smile

Dark Shadows episode guide – 1967

— Danny Horn

7 thoughts on “Episode 229: Thirst World Problems

  1. One of the best things that ever happened to KLS was the arrival of the character of Barnabas Collins. She was stuck playing a very bland distant third to Victoria and Carolyn. But Maggie’s tossing out of Joe Haskell showed a range that KLS never got to show before. Loved the look on her face when she gets her boyfriend out of the cottage.

  2. Was the Kidnapping of Maggie Evans story line originally in the plans with DS producers when they planned on introducing Frid as B. Collins? I realize that they contracted him for 13 episodes, which I believe would take him through episode 236.

  3. A couple more instances of Dr. Woodard’s incompetence. When he examined Willie, he said Willie had no illness–that he had just lost a lot of blood. After examining Maggie, he says “she’s a very sick girl” even though he has the same diagnosis of blood loss. Also, Dr. Woodard makes no connection between Willie’s and Maggie’s unusual afflictions even though he examined both of them more closely than anyone. At the same time, down at the Blue Whale, Vicky and Burke observe that Maggie and Willie have the same symptoms as Sam tells them about Maggie.

  4. Hi! I’ve been enjoying this site and noticed another blooper during this episode. Joe gets up from the sofa and approaches Maggie, who is standing at her bedroom door. The camera moves too far to the right and you can see into Maggie’s bedroom after the wall ends.

  5. Yes, something is VERY wrong with Maggie if she’s going to toss Joe out of the house; he’s the hottest guy they have on!
    But we should enjoy this version of Maggie while we can, before she gets reset as “The Governess” and becomes another goldfish.

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